Admitting I Have a Problem

Cristina,

earlier this year my daughter (15) was misdiagnosed with anorexia nervosa & as a result she almost did becme anorexic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, having been on a major learning curve first about eating disorders, then about things that made no sense re treatment of people with such disorders & finally about when an eating disorder isn't always an eating disorder~

my questions/suggestions may seem dumb, but what have you got to lose, weight? The disorder? Your lack of health? Your problems?

Think back to before (before) you started having any problem re food - did you have any other problems? Fears/guilt/control issues/feeling like a failure/not fitting in/stress/anxiety attacks/ocd/other????????

Now here we're in kgs & cm but my daughter is 38kg (2.2lbs = 1kg so say 82 lbs & she's 150cm which is about 5ft so you have 4 inches on her & 43 lbs but she's still well & truly underweight (she should be about 40-44kg say 90ish lbs) & hasn't got her periods back yet & remember hers was a misdiagnosis!! So I don't think you're at godzilla level yet :p

when we found her a dr who actually treated her as a whole person & one what's more who had a family with a medical history that could affect her well then we got a whole new diagnosis & within 6 weeks a whole new daughter - a healthy one. I'm not a dr & I can't do all the tests he did on her or assess yur family medical history or your left & right brain skills etc much less the chemical balances/imbalances but I can tell you what my daughter has been given & what he said he might have given someone with an eating disorder -

1)take a 30 minute walk every morning between 6 & 7 (at this time & along with the exercise the suns rays (even if its overcast) work to balance chemicals in our brains. 2)get some 5htp (my madam is on 50 mgs at night with food)(this is a supplement which our body normally produces to balance serotonin levels in our brains but when stressed the system fails & stress then increases & so a nasty cycle develops) you can go on-line to research all of this & of course talk to your dr if you're on any medications, but these are natural substances as is this last one 3) dhea her dr starts his patients out on 100mg a day then after several months (roughly, everyone is different) they go to 50mg pd.

Last but not least you need to seea nutritionist/or get a nutritionists guide on-line maybe as to what sorts of food & how much you should be eating each day. But remember again, we're all unique, my daughter won't touch potato, rice, pasta, bread, bananas or deep fried/battered foods - all else is a buffet table to her. So find a nutritional guide & adjust it to fit your personal likes/dislikes/allergies/etc & allow yourself some backslides, you are human so it's normal.

If you want email me off forum for more information discussion.
Congratulations on starting to deal & you can get through this.

Purple what was your daughter's diagnosis?
People are coming here for help for their eating disorders and being told they might not have one may discourage them from getting help.
Cristina, I applaud you for admitting that you have a problem. I have suffered from anorexia/bulimia for many many years and if you ever need to talk then please don't hesitate to email me or message me. I am now 22 years old and still struggle however with help and support you can beat this. Best of luck
tanya
email: aivh@hotmai l.Com

Darling,

you are right I should have explained more about what my daughter really had but it's complicated because time has made it hard for her dr to be sure exactly what initially caused her weight loss or whether it was more than one factor.

Before I go into that though I hear you when you say:

"people are coming here for help for their eating disorders and being told they might not have one may discourage them from getting help"

but that is most definitely not my intention. I agree too that it takes great courage to admit to having a problem & to seek help. The thing though is that so many parents & young people who suffer these conditions lack knowledge & information & most of us accept what drs diagnose & how they choose to "treat" the condition, whereas we need to question drs & treatment & we should also make sure that other possible causes (or contributing causes) are ruled out.

My daughter lost weight initially while on a 3+ month student exchange to italy, when she came home the loss continued. The local dr thought eating disorder but was also assured by the specialists, that other possibilities would be ruled out - what actually happened though was a diagnosis of anorexia nervosa based on she's a teen, a girl, a high achiever & weight loss. They refused to consider much less test for other possible causes.

Anorexia (which actually simply means severe weight loss - from whatever) can be caused by stress, sexual/physical abuse, worms, parasites (especially if on farms) medications, chrohns disease, the pill & so many other things it's just not funny. In my daughter's case the dr believes it was probably the fact that she was on a low dose pill for 4 months while away (but may also have been parasites or worms as she was in a farming region - we did eventually "worm" her - or stress relating to coming home to alot of school work). If this diagnosis had been made (simple & quick to check!!) in the first place she would not have gone through absolute hell with the eating disorder specialists.

In doing alot of research I have come across many cases of misdiagnosis with both males & females but I have also seen that so many people who have eating disorders also have many similar characteristics &/or backgrounds - high achievers, sexual/physicalemotional abuse etc & i'm damn sure all of them could have had worms/parasites & medications including (for girls) the pill. So this made me wonder if maybe they & their parents/families should be looking for other causes, causes that could be "fixed" & so the eating disorder then just goes. One cause that my baby was checked for was a pituitary gland tumour -she didn't have one - but this can cause weight loss & can usually be dissolved - so a quick easy solution rather than years of wasted hospitalizations & treatments/counselling/drugs for a problem that they didn't really have!!

When my daughter was in the eating disorders unit of a world renowned (they held an international conference this year) hospital for eating disorders she was in with girls who ere on their 3rd & 4th admittance & the average admittance was over 4 months. This sort of failure to fix the problem says to me that there's a problem. When I asked th dr in charge "if she eats while here & still loses weight, what then?" his reply "we put her on food supplements" I then asked the same question but with the supplements & he said " we increase the suplements" (supplements that made several of the mothers throw up after just a taste!! - no we couldn't provide other approved supplements!!) ok so I asked the same question & his reply was "she gets a naso-gastric tube". I then asked but what about considering other reasons & he abused me yelling at me accusing me of telling him how to run the unit etc etc, but as to considering alternatives the nearest we got to that was "if we think it's necesssary" & they referred us to child welfare for putting our daughter at risk - guess that was for questioning/arguing with them!!

I know there are people who simply (not that it's simple) have an eating disorder but I also know that both they & their families would give anything to get better & if the answer lies elsewhere then wouldn't they want to know & to get the right help. With regard to the view most people have of themselves as fat etc, my daughter did not have this at the start but after the specialists had their goes at her she began to develop it - which is when I got her out - this was another thing that made me wonder which came first the idea of being fat or the weight loss & then people telling/convincing you that this is what you're thinking & doing - my daughter reached a point in only a few months where she began to think "they" must be right & she was just lying to herself or not knowing what she was doing/thinking.

I hope this all made sense I have tried to limit (ha) the explanation but would gladly go into more detail for anyone wanting me to or reply here or privately to further questions.

Wow....
That really must have been horrific for your daughter. However I simply cannot comprehend why they would diagnose someone with anorexia nervosa simply because they were loosing weight! Anorexia is based on a mindset, eating habits, and rituals. Was your daughter severely restricting her food intake??
I guess what i'm trying to get at is that many people here know that their eating habits and not normal and while this may be for other reasons the majority of the time it is some type of eating disorder (and they are much too common in my opinion)
thank you for sharing your story. I believe it will help many others.
Love
tanya

Cristina, hi! I myself battled with anorexia nervosa for about 3 years. When I finally came to terms as to what caused me to begin this neverending cycle. I finally had broken the circle. I was physically and mentally abused by my father for 5 years and I was basically raising and protecting my 2 younger sisters from him. When my mother finally regained emergancy custody of us, it felt as though she was stepping on my toes by taking away “my kids”. I was terrified about having to face my dad in court and testify against him. I was scared that I would have to go back and live with him, I was just scared, and angry and I found the one thing I could control. So I had watched movies about these girls who starved themselves and it made them feel good. And you know as well as me that when you first started starving yourself, that feeling is so great its indescribable. You have found something that no one but yourself can control. The morning I realized that I was truly sick was the morning that I was walking down the hall to my mom and step dad’s room and I heard my mom crying that I was going to die. That’s when it hit me, I was making everyone around me powerless, I gave them the same feeling of defeat that I had felt when I started becoming an ana. I then realized that I had no more control over what I ate, then over what I had about anything else. I got better, slowly, and still have the urges to join ana again. But you know something? I learned something very powerful, I have more control to eat than to starve. If you want to talk to me, feel free!

Megan

Hi purple, darling and home coming queen
thanks for your reply.
I guess my big problem is my body image.
I'm not going to lie, I do want to lose weight again but I want to try and do it the healthy way. And I don't want to be 90 pounds again. I think i've finally realized that what i've been doing to myself all these years. It's getting mentally and physically tiresome. Even when I was 100 pounds I would look at my self and see fat. Now I see obese and i'm about 125.
And purple your right, i'm going to go get labs drawn and ask a doctor to check me out physically before self diagnosing myself. But I do think I have a problem when it comes to food. For years I starved myself to be thin, and your right home coming, I loved the feeling of control. I could control what I put in my mouth. And now I have the feeling of being out of control. I'm binging like mad. Both are awful ways to be. Thanks for letting me vent. Oh...I've been 2 days without binging. I consider that an accomplishment.
Cristina

That is a great accomplishment!! I am very very proud of you!! Your on your way to a healthier lifestyle already! Keep up the great work!

Megan

Hey cristina!
I applaud you for not binging for 2 days! Awesome!!! It must be a great feeling too though that you can log on and tell the world how you feel when you look at yourself! That is power! But I bet it would feel even better to win this battle with anorexia and know you controlled your own victory! :d
when I was in 4th grade, I choked on a piece of candy and from that day on all I ate was ice cream. I know it is nothing like anorexia because I wasn't doing it to lose weight, but I remember hiding my food from my mom so she would think I was eating. I lost a lot of weight and one day her and my grandmother told me I was going to die. I asked why and they expalined that I can't live off of ice cream and water. My body was crying out for some other nourishment. I got so scared, but I was even more afraid to eat because I thought I would choke again. That night, my mom ordered pizza and I went into the kitchen and took the smallest piece in the box and ate it. I chewed each pice for like 15 minutes to make sure it was completely mush before swallowing. That was such a scary night for me. It tasted sooooo good though. Isn't it amazing the way our minds work?
I am 24 now and I am so happy I went in the kitchen that night and ate that pizza.
Cristina, I am 5 foot 3 inches and I weigh 124. I think I look pretty good. I had a baby too.
Once you go to the doctor and get help and start recovering, start a journal. Get to know the real you. I bet you will discover some beautiful things. Fall in love with yourself because that is the most important thing in the world. When you get out of the shower, look in the mirror and find small areas of your body that make you giggle or make you laugh histerically and then thank god that he gave you that to smile about. Honey you are beautiful regardless.
About a year ago, I started a journal and I also started reading inspirational stories and books and goal oriented books. They have opened doors in my heart that have either been locked for years or that I never knew were there. I love me! I love that my nose is pointy or that my ears stick out a little. I love all of me and that is such a good feeling!
Cristina, get to know you and when you find that you are unique and perfect, give yourself a hug!
I will pray for you and I know you will see very soon that you are a beautiful person inside and out!

Thanks you all for your support and hearing me vent.
And munoz,

you have really motivated me. I am going to start journaling. I'm going to try and keep busy and find out who the real me is and focus less on weight.
Your story was really interesting. And your right. You and I are both at healthy weights. I'm trying to get past looking in the mirror and seeing large but I think i'll get there. Thank you soooo much. Your entry really motivated me.

Christina.

Munoz, I also found that very inspirational! You never fully recover from ana or mia, and some mornings I have to wake up and ask myself, megan are you going to eat and love yourself or starve and pity yourself. I have learned so many things from this forum and I am thankful that you posted that! Cristina, best wishes on your road to recovery! If you want help feel free to ask! Munoz, thank you sooo much for giving us so much inspiration!

Megan

Hey queen and cristina!
I am so happy that I have made such an impact! It makes me feel so good. Journaling was one of the best things I have ever done! Thabks for listening to me and replying with such awesome replies!!! You have motivated me to keep up with journaling!!


pat! You have no life!! You need some inspiration honey!

Reading your responses has really made me want to beat all of this thank you all for sharing your experiences it's all truly an inspiration.

In reply to darling & to fill others in, my daughter didn't have an image problem until the specialists got their hands into her!! she did (& is still working through these, despite not actually having an eating disorder per se although these were also made worse by the drs!! ) & still does have major control issues & some unusual/odd eating habits, which also both became lots worse when the eating disorder specialists got their hands onto her & into her mind!!

darling, you said that:-

"however I simply cannot comprehend why they would diagnose someone with anorexia nervosa simply because they were loosing weight! Anorexia is based on a mindset, eating habits, and rituals."

you are right about what anorexia nervosa is but I have read numerous accounts & heard of many many others where drs have diagnosed anorexia nervosa despite the people obviously being atypical or at least not being totally typical - some of the accurate diagnoses after initially incorrect diagnoses of an/bulimia etc (& some of these took years to be corrected!!) include :

addisons disease, chronic adrenal insufficiency, chrohns disease, gallbladder diseases (plural), chronic cholecystitis, cholelithiasis, peptic ulcer disease, gastroesophogeal reflux disease, parasitic infections (also several types of worms), lyme disease, diabetes mellitus,
carbohydrate intolerance, superior mesenteric artery syndrome,
ulcerative colitis, intestinal obstruction, cancer, irritable bowel syndrome, infections, some medications, stress & poisoning, to name just some!!

So darling I hope that perhaps now you can understand why I feel that it is important to still consider & be checked for alternatives instead of just a) assuming that just because you/family think it's an eating disorder &/or b) a dr diagnoses it as an eating disorder that that's what it is.

Cristina: admitting you have a problem is the first (and huge) step to recovery. Yes, it is all about body image. I was fat my whole life and finally lost weight, but I still see myself as huge! I keep wishing that I could be 90 lbs. And all bones. Some how that seems so attractive to me. I am seeing a therapist who is trying to help me with my body image & low self esteem problems. I also keep a journal, but I still obsess about food and body image. Maybe it's bdd (body dysmorphic disorder)? I wish you the best, and really hope that you seek out professional help, and by this I mean a therapist of some sort. I think everything stems from something within. Until you can tackle the issues in your head, your body will continue to suffer. Good luck!

Purple333: wow, you must have really gone through hell with your daughter, and I am very sorry about this. But, you are not an expert (are you?), & don't have the right to decide what is an eating disorder or what is not.
" so I don't think you're at godzilla level yet."
how can you say that her weight is ok? Everyone has their own ideas about what is ok and what is not. How can you compare your daughter's weight to hers? Don't you understand that in her mind, things are out of control? She could probably be 80lbs and still think she is fat.
It is quite unfortunate about the misdiagnosis from the dr's, but don't you think some of the fault is on your shoulders? You as a parent need to question the doctors. Like any other condition, it requires 2nd or even 3rd opinions. We tend to trust doctors with all our heart, but you do need to question them, afterall, they are human. If you were told you had to have a limb removed, wouldn't you go to several doctors and ask their opinion before removing anything?
I wish you and your daughter the best in the future.

Kittykat,

sheath your claws & your paranoia, I never suggested that I was an expert anymore than you are; as for comparing my daygter's weight etc to christina's that was my way of trying to give her some objective perspective on which to judge for herself whether her thinking was/is logical & is no different to your comparing your thoughts & experiences suckers here:

"i was fat my whole life and finally lost weight, but I still see myself as huge! I keep wishing that I could be 90 lbs. And all bones. Some how that seems so attractive to me."

how dare you through your determination to reamin blind to all else, refuse to comprehend that it was only because I did question the drs that my daughter was able to be correctly diagnosed. Yes, that is what I should & did do as a parent, unfortunately all too many parents & patients don't like to do that & besides, if they found a correct diagnosis they might get better then where would you be, heaven you might even be healthy.

I agree that christina is brave to admit she has a problem & to seek help but I believe that it's important that when a person seeks help they make sure that drs have ruled out all other possible causes before deciding on a diagnosis based on minimal information. I also believe that far too many eating disorder clinics fail to consider just how much influence other factors (inc. The clinic & it's treatment) can have on creating an eating disorder where in fact none existed initially.
Still I doubt you'll agree or understand my points, you're too enamoured of having an eating disorder.

Purple333:
"still I doubt you'll agree or understand my points, you're too enamoured of having an eating disorder"

how dare you! Just from reading all the posts you have made, you are acting like an expert. I am only speaking from personal experience and I think you are trying to lessen my disorder because you don't think it's bad. You obviously think I love having an eating disorder, but I don't. I wish I could rid my mind of all these things that make me go crazy. Great that you questioned the doctor... But maybe not quickly enough? Maybe you should put some blame and fault on yourself; you are the parent. Correct me if I am wrong, didn't you mention somewhere you were a little overweight? If so, maybe your daughter is picking up self image problems from you.

I agree that you should be questioning doctors and asking them about their diagnosis, but I think most people who post here know they have a problem. Many people are posting to get some support and just to talk about their issues. It is so nice to hear that we aren't alone with our problems.

Please stop being the expert on eating disorders (reading doesn't make you one.) I don't think anyone, including doctors can be an expert in this field. Everyone and their situation is so different, you can't compare them.

Maybe you should start a forum for people who thought they had a eating disorder, but didn't. By the way, my claws are just beginning to come out.

Kittykat,

not an expert, & my daughter never had an image problem until the drs got their hands on her but that's healing with the right treatment.

You just do not get it do you - there are alot of people (not just my daughter) who have been wrongly diagnosed & what i'm trying to get through to people (if they can keep their minds open & use them to think) is that if some people are misdiagnosed, so might others be (including them) also, many so-calld treatments for eating disorders (yes, actual eating disorders) are ineffective at best & criminal at worst, so maybe it would be worth considering other treatments, ones that might (heaven forbid!!) work.

I questioned the dr from day one, that resulted in him calling in welfare authorities (as our gp said he had a god complex) & our almost losing our daughter to them!! But having worked in the system we were better able to avoid this & win through to get our daughter help that actually helped.

As to my being overweight, as this is a result of my being disabled neither I nor my daughter consider it a problem for her. Of course you needed ammunition, but that's ok, my posts are for people who admit they have a problem & want help & are prepared to think, look & act outside the square.

I wish you luck, my daughter no longer needs it, at 15 she starts university on march 1st & is planning a student exchange for next year along with a northern hemisphere summer study school at cambridge. That's the sort of good stuff that happens, when you think, look & act outside the square & so get well, by whatever means you can rather than sticking to what is considered "safe" & "supportive".

As to your claws, save them for someone who might be worried by them or better yet, for the fight you should be having to save yourself.