My boyfriend found out he was bipolar a
few months ago. When he is happy
everything is wonderful but then he gets
into these down times he say he does not
want anyone in his life and he wants to be
alone, no girlfriend, nothing. I try to
tell him I love him and support him and he
says he can not give me the love he used
to .I try to have him tell me and he says
he cant explain it because he does not
understand it himself.
He says he does not understand why he
feels this way, why he wants to be alone
and he does not understand why he does not
want to be in a relationship anymore.
Is this normal for bipolar, what do I do?
Do I stick by him as a friend or do I
move on in my life because he cant tell me
what he even wants anymore!
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tracy78reed
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Missouri
Understanding Bipolar Posted: 01-17-06 13:22pm
Geneva,
my name is tracy, and just a week or so
ago I was diagnosed bipolar 1. I know
from my own experiences that there have
been times I don't want to be around
anyone and just want to be left alone.
Even though I know I can't because I have
a 2 year old son. This makes me feel
even worse at times because I don't want
to do any mental damage to him by being
distant at times or not playing toys or
games with him enough. I want him to have
the best childhood, unlike my own. Does
you boyfriend overcompensate after one of
this moods? I know I can go overboard
for my son, because I feel like I am short
changing him some how. I hope this med
lamictal helps me deal with my situation.
Is your boyfriend on any meds for this?
Does he see a pysch or a counselor? Does
he apologize for not wanting you around on
his bad days and still wants you around?
Maybe you could go to counseling together?
Hope I can help in some way. Best
wishes.
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geneva88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 27 Location: san diego
He Does All Those Things Posted: 01-17-06 20:38pm
Yes, yes, yes..... When he is out of
feeling down he is very attentive: cooks
dinner for me, plans activites to do..
Same things a wonderful boyfriend would
do. I guess its hard for me to judge his
moods and not feel hurt when he pushes me
away.. Its like a emotional
rollercoaster. He is on medication,
although he has sometimes been
inconsistant( he says he forgets not
because he does not want to take them) and
he sees a therapist, although not as much
as I thinks he needs to.
Its all very new to him and he is having a
hard time realizing he has a mental
illness and what that means for his
future. He has lots of pride and does not
want anyone to feel sorry for him or baby
him. I think that sometimes I come off
doing that to him. I just have a hard
time knowing how I should act.
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tracy78reed
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Missouri
Posted: 01-17-06 21:25pm
If he is having frequent down times maybe
his medication(s) need to be re-evaluated.
I know how you must feel, not because of
myself being bipolar 1, but because my
father was a mess, I am positive he was
bipolar and would never do anything about
it because he thought he could handle it
himself. When you try to deal with it
yourself it seems to only make it worse.
Let your boyfriend know he isn't alone and
there is no reason he should feel like
less of a man. Talking to a professional
and seeking the right treatment just shows
that he is willing to take the steps to
being happy and being the best person he
can be. At least with a professional you
can tell him/her anything and everything
that you feel and not have to worry about
them thinking anything different about
you. They understand some people need
help otherwise they wouldn't be doing what
they are doing. I am sure there has to
be some kind of support group around where
you are not only for him but for you too(
this will help you help him and possible
give you better peace of mind). I am
trying to build my own support group of
friends, family, etc. I am not sure if
there are any support groups in my area,
still looking though. I think my pysch
is a good one and I know I can see him
when I need to. He also recommended this
book "a unquiet mind". I haven't got it
yet. I hope you realize it takes alot of
care and personal strength to be with
someone with bipolar. I plan on going to
groups for myself, maybe my husband will
do some research on his and and have a
good support team.
I think we should do some counseling
together as well. If you need anything
else feel free to write. It helps to
have a good support system.
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geneva88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 27 Location: san diego
I Must Be Patient Posted: 01-20-06 22:49pm
I have seen a difference in his mood when
he is in the medication, which is good.
He has alot of pride and I worry that he
will think he is better and get off the
medication and stop therapy. He has
already cut down his visits to the
therapist. I don't know if it was his
idea or theirs. I just hope that he will
realize that its not a quick fix and that
its a constant process and growth. I want
to support him through everything yet I
don't want to nag or force him. This is
the struggle o go through, trying to find
a balance.
I hate to treat him like a child but I
worry about him constantly- he is gong to
vegas this weekend with his band and I am
worried about him drinking too much and
getting off his medication. His mood is
so good right now, how do I know he is not
in a manic state?
Thanks for your support, kim
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tracy78reed
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Missouri
Mania For Myself Posted: 01-20-06 23:41pm
Kim, I know for myself when I get manic I
feel like I have all this energy, I
usually get things done that don't get
done when I am down. I also sleep less
and feel like I have to talk about
everything. My psych said these are some
common signs of mania. I think that is
what makes it hard is when I am manic, i'm
so happy and full of energy then the down
comes and I get lazy and start getting
down on myself. When I get manic I am
happy. I know some people can get
totally angry and out of control. I am
on day 7 of lamictal and I feel a little
different. The last day or two I feel a
little agitated. (that could be due to
the fact my son is hitting his terrible
2's) hahahah. This forum has been
helping I think. At least I know I am
really not alone. I hope your boyfriend
does better with his meds, even though he
may feel better he should still take them
because thats what making him feel better.
Hopefully he realizes how crappy things
get when he is off of his meds and how
much better he feels when he is on them.
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geneva88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 27 Location: san diego
Thanks Posted: 01-21-06 17:21pm
I hope too that he will realize that even
when he is feeling good he still need to
continue his medication.
For someone who is newly diagnosed you
seem to be in tune with what you need to
help yourself. Thats wonderful that you
are seeking support so openly. Good luck
to you and thank you for all your support.
Meh. My father was bipolar and every
month he'd go into some psychotic fit,
breaking things and coming very close to
hitting people. When I was little my
mother pretty much hadta hide me in the
closet to keep me safe. Once, durring one
of his fits he slamed my mother's car with
his truck (while I was in it, tho he
didn't know I was). He'd always
break stuff, never hit anyone, though a
month after I graduated he and mom got in
a spat...
Living with him was a competition, he'd
get pissed and put holes in the wall, I
did it right after him, as a "see how
great a role model you make?" and even
though we had our fun times in the garage
working on cars, I hardly joined him
because anytime he'd make a mistake he'd
break something on the car he was working
on. If he was painting a car for someone
and messed up, he'd trash the whole car.
Dad also stalked mom, thinking she was
cheating on him when se wasn't, recording
phone calls with a jerry-rigged system in
his garage, and freaking out over credit
card purchases he said were for boyfriends
that didn't exist. I didn't wanna be
there. So I hopped my bike and rode down
to my uncles to stay, after 3 hours he
takes me back home and mom stumbles out
the door and off the porch with bruises on
her head, dad hit her with the phone.
A lengthy court drama ensued, he filed for
divorce, then changed his mind 3 months
later, pulling the "i'm sorry, please
forgive me" sob-story like always. I
hated my father more than anyone on the
planet, my worst fear was to end up like
him. Sadly, once I turned 24 I started
exhibiting some of his behaviors,
paranoia, distrust, anger and an
overwhelming desire to break things for no
other reason than being pissed off.
I also have had the pleasure of living
with two other bipolar people and I have
found that when I am around these people,
my own desires to destroy things go into
remission, and I just want to curl into a
ball. Or in the few cases I get the
balls, to I copy them and have a "break
things and look stupid" contest. I try
very hard to fight that urge to just bash
the crap outta whatever's around me, cuz
ya always wish ya hadn't after.
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Balch
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Sunnyvale
Where to Find Useful Information Posted: 12-12-06 22:47pm
Some helpful suggestions about bipolar on
the following website, it maybe useful to
you both.
