Relationships and Marriage Forum

This will probably sound like many other posts on here. 3 weeks ago I gave birth to my first child. Her father and I have been together for 3 years and are engaged and I really believed that I loved him until recently and now i'm just lost in our relationship. He treats me so well and I really don't think that I deserve him. The problem is that i've been second guessing being with him and it doesn't help much that I can't really get him to do much in taking care of our daughter. He will feed her and he says he loves her and I know that he is scared of being a father, but i'm also scared of being a mother. He won't change her diapers or clothes and when she cries, he just leaves her there most of the time. So i'm taking care of her all day and night. I understand that this is a huge life change for him and it is scary as hell, and that statistically most new fathers don't really want to take care of their child until the child can start communicating, but all I want is a little help from him. Because of this i'm finding myself less attracted to him and wanting to be around him less often but more so contemplating if we should stay together. I have so many bad issues with him, and i'm scared to do any act in our relationship because I don't know if he would approve and I really don't want to hurt him because I still care about him greatly (i just don't know if it is love or not), but I also can't picture my life without him. So i'm really stuck here. I was just hoping for some input, advice or anything from anyone. Thank you

Replies(4)

saturn24

replied on December 24th, 2003

Experienced User

#1 you do not need his approval for anything! #2 statistically, who cares? Your daughter is yours and his right? Well then you are in it together. Tell him this. If he will not help you, then maybe you are better off without him. Or, you could leave him to teach him a lesson. Some men for some reason do not learn until you leave. But, honey, if he does not start helping you out and you continue to have bad situations with him, then start thinking about leaving. It would be seriously hard, but it would be better for you and your daughter in the long run. But just remember that everything ends up a it should be, so no matter what you decide if it is right then o.K. If it is not right, everything will fall into place in the end. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

saturn24

replied on December 24th, 2003

Experienced User

Ps....You also have to take into consideration that you did just have a baby and your hormones and emotions are going haywire. I wouldn't make any drastic decision until you try to talk to him a couple of times. He is probably scared to. Some people are scared to hold a baby for fear that they might break them. Maybe he is afraid of hurting her. I dunno.

nikki_caro

replied on January 7th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I agree with saturn. Let him know you need more help. Its both of yours and you both need to handle it. Not just you getting stuck. When he leaves her there, is it because he doesnt want to, or hes worried about harming her? I know when my sister had her baby, I wouldnt change her for about two months. She was very tiny, weighing only 4 pounds and I was scared of hurting her in some way. I changed diapers but even those were tiny. But I helped out. And if hes not doing anything, then what do you have him there for? Talk things over with him and see how he feels

insurancegirl

replied on January 7th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I'm sorry you are going through this...But this is the wonder of parenthood. Don't give up just yet. A new baby will cause craziness in any relationship. Instead of you or him doing things for the baby...Try doing them together. This will help both of you get comfortable with your precious new baby and will bring you closer together. If only babies came with manuals, lol. Don't worry...Things should work out.

Jennifer Laughing

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