Medical Questions > Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum

Affair With Married Man (Page 1)

Hi guys. Im new to the forum. Since august of last year I have been seeing a married man. I have known him for about a year and a half now, but since august we have been real close. We don't see each other that often but we talk almost every day. He has been married for 6 years and he never gave me an indication that he will leave his wife for me. Honestly I dont even want him to. I mean if he does this kind of thing to his wife why not do it to me? Anyways, I have tried several times to end this affair but its too hard for both of us. When we are together we cant keep our hands of each other. We havent even had sex yet, mainly because I cant do it because of the fact that he is married. The guilt I live with every day kills me. I hate thinking that I might be wrecking someones marriage. Its so selfish of me to do this but I cant help it.
I know many of you must be thinking that I am a horrible person, and thats ok, because I probably am. Out of all the men out there I had to go for a married one. I deserve whatever comes to me. :x
i dont think I care for him that much, its just the excitement that this affair brings thats keeping me glued. Its like euphoria. I need some help, advice on how to end this. Please, who ever has been in a similar situation, any information would be greatly appreciated. :(
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First Helper Absynth
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replied January 15th, 2006
Experienced User
Well, kaite, if you "don't care for him that much" and you know that you don't want a future with him ... Then I don't see why it's so hard to just end it all together. I mean, if you think it's about the excitement, then go find yourself a single man and have sex at the park or something!!! There's so many different ways to have that excitement and not ruin someone's marriage!

Yes, I would have to say you're right. You are selfish. But the excuse of "not being able to help it" is a bunch of b/s. Only you have control of yourself and you make the choices of what you want to do or what you want to think. You can't blame anybody else but yourself. The same goes for the jacka** that is cheating on his wife. The least he could do is have the balls to tell his wife that he wants to be with someone else so she can move on with her life. But, he is making the choice for her by not telling her. She should know what's going on so she can choose to reconcile the marriage or move on with her life without him. He's not giving her that option ... And that sucks for her!

There's so many other men out in this world that you could enjoy the same excitement with in different ways. Stop wasting your time on a man who's married and only wants you for one thing. Remember ... What comes around goes around. It's called karma, baby!!!
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replied January 16th, 2006
Experienced User
Get Someone Else.
D easiest way to quit is to get involved with someone else. You may not be able to resist his calls, talk, etc but with someone new, your attention for him will reduce. Do this zealously please.

All d best, let's know how you fair.
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replied January 16th, 2006
Jeniffer 23 you are absolutly correct, he is a jacka** for doing this to his wife. And I know I am selfish to be with him. I did break it off and I am doing fine for now, but the guilt I feel for doing this to his wife (whom I never meet) is still there. No woman deserves to be treated like this. If he was a real man he would tell her that he is cheating on her but since he is nothing but a sissy he wont tell her. Thank you so much for your reply.
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replied January 17th, 2006
Experienced User
You're welcome, kaite. Something to keep in mind is that the secret will come out some time! Whether it's a month, a year or ten years ... He will be exposed and he'll have to be the one to deal with it.

I'm glad to hear that you broke it off and instead of feeling guilty about what you and him have done, take it as a lesson and learn from it. Don't do this again, because the outcome will always be the same. Like I said before, there are plenty of men out there that you could have all to yourself. Why waste your time with a man that belongs to another woman? You'll always get the short end of the stick. Good luck.
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replied January 17th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
One thing that you might think about is why be involved with a married man -- particularly if you don't even want him to leave his wife for you (and they usually don't!). Is it because you aren't sure you want to be in a serious relationship? Wanting what you can't have is a way of ensuring that you keep your autonomy, keeping someone at arm's length. It is easy to feel stifled in a relationship, especially because everyone is supposed to want to be in one. It's okay to not have a partner, and it's okay to want to keep your boundaries if you do have one.
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replied January 17th, 2006
Hi poopoopoo

thanks for your reply and I see what you are saying. I think that is a large part of what is going on. I recently got out of a long relatoinship and I must say I am still hurt. I really dont know what got into me to agree to meet this married guy anyway. I always looked at men who cheat on their wives as skumbags and they disgusted me. Like jeniffer said "you learn from your mistakes". What was I thinking? Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank god I didnt sleep with him :d
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replied February 14th, 2006
Ruining a Marriage?
The other woman/man doesn't ruin a marriage; the philandering spouse did that her/himself. One cannot make another cheat on a spouse. If anyone should get the "heat" for infidelity, it should be the offending spouse who knows they have someone at home -- whether the other man/woman knows about the former's marital status.

Personally, I dont think a single person should take time with anyone in a committed relationship if the former can't keep their emotions in check. It is like spinning ur wheels, waiting for someone who may never completely show up. I honestly believe if the philanderer cheats once, it'll be a recurring scenario. No value judgments; just facts. Is this the kind of life u really desire? Of course, we'll never know about the ones who are truly happy with it cos they're at peace and living their lives.
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replied February 28th, 2006
Experienced User
Wow I respect u for what ur doing and that u havent had sex u obviously care about each other but its not right to break up the marriage something has to be done soon whether thats that it ends or that he gets divorced
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replied March 1st, 2006
Sorry to say that I am also familiar with this. I didn't know he was married for the entire three months though. Hard to believe but true, there were no signs. Anyhow, when it was over it's because the wife found out and called me. I was shocked!!!!!! Hurt too because of the feelings that had developed.
Well, she was hurt beyond belief and I also learned there were 2 children in the home that I wasn't aware of. It hurt them all more than you can imagine.
Even though I wasn't aware there was a wife and family, I still live with the shame of it. Please break it off now. Hanging on for yourself is selfish. I have been the giver and receiver of an affair and it's horrible on both sides. Get out now and save yourself some trouble.
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replied March 2nd, 2006
Experienced User
Mizzpurty sorry to hear that happened its very unfair on you too

take care x
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replied March 3rd, 2006
Reply to Affair With Married Man
I think what you are doing is so wrong (to put it polite). Why did you ever start to begin with?
My husband (geting divorce with one minor child) had a long term affair, which has now long been ended but I will never trust him again.

What were you thinking?
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replied March 3rd, 2006
There are other ways to get excitement out of a realtionship than dating taken men.

I would end this relationship immediately even if it does hurt at first. It is better for the both of you in the long run.
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replied March 3rd, 2006
Experienced User
clambake wrote:
there are other ways to get excitement out of a realtionship than dating taken men.

I would end this relationship immediately even if it does hurt at first. It is better for the both of you in the long run.
]

v. V. Well said
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replied September 7th, 2006
Sorry, I will be honest. I would hate you.

My father cheated, my father doesn't want to get a divorce, neither does my mother, they care for us, they still get along, I am 16, he cheated when I was 11. It is very hard for little kids to not be told anything that is happening in their life. I think parents should tell their children. It would have helped me more. My father is "cheating free" whatever you call it. You are very selfish, I am being honest. I cry every time at night, (from my memories) I walked on the beach with him one night, and I asked him some intense questions, he started breaking down crying. I never heard my father cry before, then I started bawling, the people on the beach must have thought we were crazy. I love my father no matter what he does to our family. But I also hat him for his past. Geez...I would hate you...But I don't exactly know you so..I would hate you if you were the person who also cheated with my father.
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replied September 7th, 2006
(one) of the worst parts of breaking up a realastionship is:

watching your father pack his stuff and realizing you will never see him again.
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replied July 30th, 2011
I agree
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replied July 30th, 2011
I agree
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replied September 7th, 2006
That's what happens (sometimes) when talking doesn't work.
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User Profile
replied September 7th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Re: Listen Up Girl
girly69 wrote:
know yourself little girl.......................

Ditch his phone numbers,
ditch him,
and get him blocked out of your head,
do something else instead of trying to break some wife or young mums heart,come on wheres your grit and determination.

Stop it now,tell him its over.

Hes using you in his own little perverted way.

Ok do it now,b4 its to late and you lose.
ok,will you paleassssse stop with the "know yourself little girl". You sound like an idiot and you don't know everything. Oh and btw,she did break it off with him.It would do you some ggod to read the thread before you post : )
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replied November 28th, 2009
I have been in the EXACT same situation as you. I am so confused and really dont know what to do. I have been seeing this married guy with 3 kids and we are so into each other. I dont even think hes using me b/c the feeling when we are together says it all. We are very honest with each other and share our feelings with one another and he tells me he really enjoys what we are doing but he will never be the one to "end" it. I would have to tell him. He is afraid of his wife finding out for the reason that he would never see his kids again. I am pretty ok with the wife until I see her with him - then it hits me and I just want to cry b/c it hurts to see someone you like, with someone else too. I hate to know i am sharing him but I know he would never leave her for me. I am just so confused and I told him that I couldnt do this anymore b/c of how jealous it made me seeing his wife around him. It sucks knowing when he goes home he's with her but then I see her sometimes and it REALLY sucks then. Did I do the right thing? I am just so hurt by it all..
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replied November 28th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
As much as a relationship that doesn't have to go anywhere may appeal to you on some level, what do you really gain from a relationship that makes you feel horrible? If you need to feel despicable and to loathe yourself there are much less destructive ways to accomplish it. You know that dating a married man is wrong, just move on to something more healthy for you.
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