Their is help out there for this. There is a reason why you did what you did, you have to fogive yourself and move on.
Bless ya!

I had one about 6 months ago, and I keep thinkin I would have been having my baby next week! Jan 19 was my due date. Its not easy. You cannot live your life thinkin, what if. You made the best decision for yourself at that time, and you shouldn't look back at is as a bad thing. I know I sure beat myself up and I still kinda am. I am thankful for what I did though because my ex woudln't have been around and i'm not ready for a baby. My ex hubby was voilent and an alchy so that was also a situation I didnt' want a baby involved in. Just like you, you had a situation which wasn't the best for the baby either. Sweetie I know how hard it is, you feel you'r emissing something, and when you see a baby it hurts even more. I went through the feelin of I wanted another baby, and I didnt care, I wanted to be pregnant again. You will probably feel that alot but just remember to wait till you are in love with the person and they love you.
You will get over this I promise you that. I'm here if you need any help. Seeing how i'm going through the same thing as you.
My prayers are with you.

Hi hun,

i know I beat myself up about it everyday, and I had an abortion about 3 years ago. But I am here to tell you that life will get better. It was so much harder for me right in the beginning. It still is hard, but I have to move on. I try as hard as I can to stop people who are unsure - so that they don't feel what we are feeling. But sadly we have done the damage already, and it will be okay. You will get married and have children. It won't replace the one you gave up, but it will fill that void. I promise it is normal to feel this way, and I am here if you ever just want to talk to someone who has gone through the same thing. Lets just put the past in the past. Forgive yourself, and you don't have to forget about it.

Hi,

i occasionally pop on this site to talk to women who have gone through abortions like I did. I had mine on 11th april 2003 so it is coming up to three years now. I have found it particularly hard, especially when certain dates up up...The day you found out, the day of the abortion, the due date, birthdays etc. Its emotionally draining. I was depserate to get pregnant again, even now I go through sudden phases of being desperate to the point of tears of getting that baby back.

I had no access to the internet and didnt really understand what abortion was about. I totally believe it is right for some people but it wasnt right for me. My doctor kept telling me 'its just a blob of cells, nothing more' but research told me otherwise and it destroyed me.

It has got a little easier, I have learnt to cope with my emotions and try to overpower my craving for a baby. It must be in a womans instinct for some people when you reach a certain age to long for a baby...I'm only 23 and have craved a child from the age of 19!!!!!!!!! Does anyone else feel like this? If so what do you do to overcome being broody?!!

I can relate to most girls on this forum. Its such a big and life chaging desicion and some people dont realise.

I hope you are all ok.

Sarah

I want to get pregnant again. I think about the baby I aborted all the time. This forum has helped because it is the only way I can talk it out with others.
It helps me to hear all of your stories. I feel like i'm not alone.
I've been feeling like a monster lately. I find myself looking at my stomach sometimes and wondering if god will give me another chance to have a baby. I wonder if my fertility is effected by what i've done.
I've always wanted to have about 4 children. I don't know how accurate this is but I have heard abortion thins out your womb making it hard to carry a baby to ful term. I know i've done a horrible thing. I know I will never fogive myself and that I will always feel guilt and remorse when I think about my poor sweet baby. I just hope that I will be given another chance.
I wish I could take it back. I wish I wasn't so irresponsible. I've wanted a baby in the worst way since I had a miscarriage when I was 18. I'm 22 now. When I made the decision to abort my baby I knew I was making a decision that would effect me for the rest of my life.
I do not know how to overcome wanting a baby. Sometimes I lie to people that i'll only meet just once. I tell them I have a baby. I pretend that he is at home. I get baby magazine every month that I read. I even bought baby clothes, baby powder, and shampoo. I think it has almost become an obsession. Does anyone have any suggestions?

you're not a horrible person, neither of you are. :) always remember that! Of course you'll have another chance to have a baby, abortions don't affect your chances of future fertility, not even as much a full pregnancy.

Someday i'm sure both of you will give birth to wonderful babies into loving caring homes. Until that day comes; until the time is right for you, be patient. You don;t have to overcome the desire; many women have the desire to have families, and it is a perfectly normal thing to feel.

Don't feel the need to lie to yourself or others; your day will come, and you wil both make wonderful mothers, i'm sure of it! Until then, be at peace; live for yourselves! You have many bright days ahead of you!

i have read that abortions can make it just a wee bit harder to get pregnant...The more a woman has, the harder it is for her to conceive. Not saying abortions render a woman infertile, so don't think that. There are women who conceive within a month of an abortion, so obviously it doesn't have a tremendous impact on one's fertility.

Bitsy690, you're very young. Don't worry, because your biological clock isn't ticking. You have many more childbearing years ahead of you. You made the best decision for yourself, and while it may be painful now, i'll bet the wounds will heal when you've got a child in your arms that you can call your own.

Don't beat yourself up over this - you aren't evil, deviant, or going to burn in hell for aborting. Perhaps speaking to a counselor would help - i'm sorry, i'm not trying to label you as being crazy, but sometimes it can feel good to talk to someone in person about the things that trouble you.

:) yeah, i'm sure that an abortion does affect fertility at least a little, but actually carrying a child to term does just as much damage, that's all I emant to convey.

most studies done on multiple abortions occur in countries where abortion is usually the only form of birth control, it is widely used, and it is used often. Most .Women in developed nations only have one abortion a piece. The studies that I have read indicate that after 14-16 abortions (depending on the age and physical health of the .Woman), the uterine wall does begin to change, making it harder to conceive. But, the fact that there .Are .Women in the world having 14, 16, 20 abortions points the obvious conclusion that abortions do not have a widespread effect on fertility until you start getting higher into the double digits.

I always tell the .Women that I coucil whether they choose to obtain an abortion or not that they cannot change the past, they can only grow and learn from it. Unless you were coerced, there were probably very good reasons for you to obtain an abortion. No one wants to have an abortion. No .Woman aspires to having an abortion. It is almost always a last resort for .Women who see no other alternative viable to their current situation. You cannot change the fact that you ended a pregnancy. What you do have control over and what you can change are the reasons that made you think you had no other choice but to obtain an abortion. Most of the time, it is financial or educational reasons. These are good reasons. Without a proper education, how can you hope to provide a decent life for a family when you do have one? If this was a part of your reason, go back to school, take online or night courses, and do what you can to change the situation so that if you do become pregnant again unintentionally or intentionally, you can hopefully do what you feel you should.

Other times, the reason is that the .Woman is in a bad, abusive, or non-existent relationship. If this was a part of your reason, end the bad relationship and in the future date other people who are supportive, nuturing, and loving. What also happens is that some .Women become dependent on these guys who use and abuse them. Don't allow yourself to become financially dependent on anyone, be as independent as you possibly can which also means that you should always take care of your education and job goals. Since .Women still have primary responsibility for any child that they have, you must - for the safety and well being of your family - be financially independent so that leaving a bad or an abusive relationship does not plunge you and your child(ren) into poverty or homelessness.

And still, if you are unhealthy when you become pregnant, either physically or emotionally, those can also be worked on so that in the future you are healthy enough to carry the pregnancy (if you want to) and parent the resulting child (again, if you want to). And, if you are addicted to anything unhealthy or that threatens your life or freedom, .S.T.O.P. Doing it. Do whatever you can, join whatever program you can to stop.

Most of the .Women that I see have combinations of many of these things and others. I see .Women barely keeping their heads above water, I see abused .Women, I see addicted .Women, and I see .Women who have given up all hope of a better life. What I try to make them see is that they are the only ones who can change the things that they don't like and that they don't have to do it alone, there is some help available.

You can't change that you've had an abortion. I am so sorry that you felt you had no other choice available to you. And I am deeply sorry that you now regret the decision. The decision for me was very positive, changed my life for the better (i went back to school), and I felt empowered and in control of my own life (really, for the first time). I was no longer simply reacting to what the world threw at me, I was actively taking steps and making the changes that I needed in my life. I try to help .Women, before and after the procedure, to get their lives in order, many of them for the very first time. I can only hope that my words have helped you here in some way.

You can't change the past but you can change your own future.
Peace,
jenn

it is the same if the intentions are the same. I had every intention of obtaining an abortion whether the pregnancy was "normal" or not. Many .Women are determined to obtain an abortion when they feel they have no other choice.

And, since I was talking about circumstances and not the abortion itself, what I posted still stands. The circumstances that I was facing are the same circumstances that many .Women are facing when they decide to obtain an abortion.
yes, you can still complete a college education while pregnant or the primary care-giver of an infant. That's why both of my sisters have college degrees too! Oh, that's right, they don't.

Again, it depends greatly on your personal circumstances - your race, your past socioeconomic level, and even which state you happen to live in. Not everyone qualifies for the paltry sums given in meager grants or subsidized loans. I have several friends who must go to school part time because they cannot afford to go full time and take care of their child. This means that they may graduate in 7-10 years time.

For most young .Women who have a child before they are 18, only 2% attempt any higher education or job training. Of those 18-22, the percentage is only slightly higher. Of those who make the attempt, most do not graduate which means that they not only have to take whatever job they can get because they don't have the degree but they usually also have staggering college loans to try to repay and not to mention the cost of just living paycheck to paycheck and trying to raise a child.

Most of my friends with children do not receive any child support even when the court states that the guy must pay them. Many of them are left working low pay, no promotion jobs for a very long time - like both of my sisters.

Every once in a while, someone will become insanely lucky and receive a scholarship which makes it easier for her but for single, young .Women with children, it is never easy. Child care costs money, rent costs money, heat costs money, food costs money, clothing costs money, transportation costs money, and health care costs money. Even with a complete scholarship, you could still have to come up with a lot of money each month just for your bills which means you may have to get a job which means you will have less time to study which means you could lose your scholarship (all in that order has happened to a few of my friends who were in the honor's program).

I do not sugarcoat anything for the .Women that I cousel. They will know the positives and negatives of every choice that can be made and they can then go home, think about it, or come in for further couseling later on.

Yes, for the right type of dedicated person who has adequate support, a college degree can be obtained while pregnant or with an infant. For most .Women who have little to no support even before the birth, the chances are limited. Our educational system is far from a beacon of equality even today. I am not doubting that it can be done. I'm sure someone, somewhere (who probably had more resources and support than she admitted) was able to do it and ever since she has been held as an example. However, I have seen the opposite happen more and with more regularity even when the .Women had some sort of financial or social support.

In the end, if a .Woman decides she cannot risk it, she doesn't have to.

Again, you can't change the past. You can work on your personal circumstances so that in the future you personally feel that your options are not limited solely to abortion.
Peace,
jenn

I tell you this jenn. When I was in graduate school one of my classmates was a mother of 3 small children, worked a third shift at a company that was one hour away from the school, was pregnant with the 4 child when she was taking class with me and you know what? She graduated with the highest gpa of the school and never turned in a homework late. I was truly impressed how she could do that. You know what the message is?

You can do in life anything you put your heart into. There is nothing impossible. If you want something really bad and you try really hard you will get it.

i just wanted to make a remark that if one does decides to keep a pregancy and want to be succesful in life one can do it no matter if you have a dozen children. Yes, it is indeed certainly nice to live in world where you have choices.

I do agree, their are some single parents or parents that can do this but not a lot and it takes someone else helping her or him to help raise the children, I did it and I had help and I felt guilty because I missed out on a lot.

When the time is right bitsy you will get pregnant, just do not be in no hurry, you have a lot of time, just allow yourself time to heal.

I get so upset when I see pregnant women. I wish I could be happy for my friend and familiy members who are pregnant but I mostly feel sadness and a bit of jealousy. I hate feeling like this. Sometimes I think about just finding a random guy to get me pregnant. I know that sounds horrible and weird. My heart aches. I want a baby so badly. I want my baby that I aborted so badly. I would be about 6 and a half months pregnant now. It makes me so sad and I have no one to blame but myself.
I know that I could support a baby on my own. Also, I will have my degree in may. Patience is a virtue, but...

bitsy if you think its time and you feel that it will be better for you ...Then I would say go for it...Its your life and a baby is a great gift ...I have a 6 month old and he's the best thing in this world..Just make sure thats what you want ..Dont jump into it ...Cause if you have doubts then maybe you should give it time...If not ...Go for it!

i'm sorry but I live in the real world and there are other factors other than determination that impact whether or not a particular .Woman or man will obtain their degree. I have seen a large number of extremely dedicated young .Women not make it because they did not have the proper support.

Please keep it in mind that wanting one and having one are two different things, you lose sleep and it is a total different world. Just like haha123 said wait until you are in a more solid relationship, this day and age their aare too many problems with std's and you sure do not want anthing which can be transmitted to your little bundle of joy. Please do not try toreplace one with the one you lost, it is not the same, you need time to heal, it takes time!

Why do people think that abortion is an easy way out. It is not. It is not an easy decision, my dr decided them for me. Micarriage is not easy and continuing on with the pregnancy some of the time is not easy either, things happen in all these decisions, including death.
I and several others would be dead right now if abortion were not legal. I had a friend of mine in the 60's that died because no dr's would give her an abortion that was needed and there were others because it was illegal and the dr's did not want to get into trouble, we went from town to town fro los angeles to san francisco to both big and little towns, even called back east and had no luck, even the back yard butchers would not touch her and you guys want it to be this way again.