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the Same Story...

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Hi guys, I thought I might post my little story and see if anyone has any advice for me on this... I've been reading through the posts and you all seem very helpful :)

my story starts off the same... I met a great guy a while ago who has all his sh** together. Great well-paying job, his own place, etc etc. Then he decides that since I was honest with him about my life (everyone has a story right?) he'll be honest with me. Surprise! I can't be sure how much he actually does it kuz of what seems to be the theme on here (they all lie). And here's the sad part that I can't believe i'm writing.

I care about him. I don't want him doing this, though I know it's not under my control. He's so much better than it and I wish he could see that. He knows he needs help and has said as much, but I think I am the only one he may be telling this to. After asking myself why me? I decided it doesn't matter and I should do something for him. No matter how well I do not know him, no one should leave another person drowning when they are asking for a life preserver.

Here's my question. So far I have not been pushy in any way, i've asked him to be honest with me and told him that i'll help him in any way I can. He doesn't want to involve me but I told him it's too late for that. What now?
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replied January 10th, 2006
Experienced User
Little story is right.
What exactly has this guy done? What is he doing that troubles you? You gave us very little to go on.

I suppose it doesn’t much matter what he is doing, you need to know that you can’t fix him. It don’t work that way.

Richard
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replied January 10th, 2006
Experienced User
I agree with the previous reply; you need to be a little more specific so we can give you the right advice. I would love to be able to help you out, but I need to know more about the situation...

I'm not trying to be nosey or pushy, I just think we all need a little more background/info from you. Thanks. :)
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replied January 11th, 2006
Bah.. I Was Very Tired When I Wrote That :d
Well after re-reading my post I realized I forgot to mention (most important and i'm sorry I had so much coffee I was vibrating as I wrote it) that he is a cocaine addict... Uses drinking as an excuse to do it too ("i only do it when i'm drinking") so he gets drunk on a weekday just because...

*sigh* I know I can't fix him but i'm pretty sure he hasn't told his "friends" that he's feeling out of control... I've just never been in this situation before and don't know how to help. Like I said before, I can't turn my back on someone.. I may not know him well at all but I see a great person who could be fantastic if this weren't in the way. And i'm not even thinking for myself, he could be great for someone else even, you know?
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replied January 11th, 2006
Experienced User
Thanks, I thought it was something like that.

Girl stick with him if you wish, but get ready for some heartache. He may be a real nice guy, ain’t we all, but as an active addict, things are not going to go as you hope they will. We use and we drink to assuage a obsession we can not control.

The idea of never getting drunk and then high is about the most unpleasant thing we can think of. We are scared to death of the concept of never getting high again. In fact many of us drink or snort, or shoot up or smoke ourselves right into the grave rather than get sober. This obsession he is in the grip of is that powerful. You have no idea what you are facing, but if you stick with him, you will get an inkling into its insane nature.

Your last line of your last post gave me pause. Honey, don’t play the door mat for this guy, he will use and abuse your affections if you let him. He may not want to, but he will. We are one selfish lot, and good people like you are just what we look for.

Look out for your own best interests, his path will go where it goes, you have no power over it, none!

Your friend
richard
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replied March 29th, 2006
In my experience, the problem with most addicts is they need to reach rock bottom before they are ready to call for help....
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replied March 30th, 2006
Experienced User
Dr lux, you are right. Hitting bottom does seem to be necessary before anything positive happens. But my question to the person who feels they have hit that rock bottom is what now? What are you going to do differently?

Just bottoming out doesn’t change one damn thing. It is important, but of itself, it is just a painful place to be, nothing more.

What do I do now? That is the question someone in that hard place might want to ask. And they might want to ask it of someone who has been there and knows what to do.

Real concrete advice from someone who has been to that has been there is what they need. And of course, a willingness to take it.

The sad part is just bottoming out is no guarantee that they will become willing to trade out cold comfort for change.

Richard
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replied April 5th, 2006
I Dont Know to Much About Coke
But the real thing I woudl worry about is him using the drinking as an excuse, it just seems way worse than the actual addiction,
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replied May 23rd, 2006
Experienced User
Re: Bah.. I Was Very Tired When I Wrote That :d
girlwhocares wrote:
well after re-reading my post I realized I forgot to mention (most important and i'm sorry I had so much coffee I was vibrating as I wrote it) that he is a cocaine addict... Uses drinking as an excuse to do it too ("i only do it when i'm drinking") so he gets drunk on a weekday just because...


*sigh* I know I can't fix him but i'm pretty sure he hasn't told his "friends" that he's feeling out of control... I've just never been in this situation before and don't know how to help. Like I said before, I can't turn my back on someone.. I may not know him well at all but I see a great person who could be fantastic if this weren't in the way. And i'm not even thinking for myself, he could be great for someone else even, you know?


well thats a hard situation, but cocaine addicts aren't good. Does he have a temper or get angry. The reason I ask is because I have seen friends when they come down and get out of control and go into rages.

Just be careful, watch for moodswings because its something that addicts tend to have. I wish the best for you. And hope he doesn't become dangerous towards you
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