Not me, but my very best friend of 23 years - her hubby is a diagnoised bi-polar and also an alcoholic.

It's was a very rough road for quite a few years until he got on medication (effexor) and quit drinking (for the most part, he has quit at least at home and in front of her...).

I'll help any way I can or ask her questions...
Angie n tx
:)

Thanks so much for the reply.

We haven't been married that long and I have a child from a previous marriage. My biggest problem is that my hubby has gotten violent several times when drunk. We're separated now, because I couldn't deal with the fighting anymore and I was worried about my safety and my daughter's.

Since he's moved out, he's actually been diagnosed as bipolar, he's seeing a couple of therapists, and he's started on meds. But I know that living with bipolars can be a huge roller coaster. I'd be willing to give it time (with us apart) while he gets more stabilized, but he doesn't see this stuff as the big issue in our marriage. He says that I haven't been committed- that that's why he drank and that i've abandoned him.

My family tells me I need to just completely end it, for the sake of saving myself and my daughter. And I guess deep down I feel that way too, but I don't want to feel like i've left someone just because of an illness. You know, through sickness and health...But I also know that you shouldn't stay in unhealthy environments. My husband says that because all he ever did when he was violent was push me down and pull my hair (never hit me), I shouldn't have been scared of him.

Anyway I know this all probably sounds really pathetic. I know that violence is unexusable. But I also love this guy which makes it so hard...

Because all he ever did when he was violent was push her down and pull her hair (never hit her), and she shouldn't have been scared of him.

Would you believe it to be a safe, healthy relationship? A good role model for her children? A lifestyle good enough for her children to enjoy and repeat in their lives? He may be medicated, but he still feels entitled to abusing others is my take.


"why does he do that?" by lundy bancroft is an excellent read. Very eye-opening.


He's a bunny-boiler. My advice is to get you and the kids out of that pot.


Heartless-b*tches.Com go to the "manipulator files" and read the 100 warning signs. So few do all of them, you decide how many you see and how many are too many.


Replace the * with an i

...Mine actually gets really nice when he's drunk!!

I do hope things get better for you...I'm going through the same thing!

God bless.

I know it's a not a healthy situation at the moment...That's why we're separated right now.

My problem is wondering if it can or ever will get better. If I knew for a fact that things would continue just as they were, it would be an easy choice. But since he's started meds, and going to aa, I wonder if it will all help enough so that we can have a happy, healthy marriage. Maybe it's too much of a long shot or it would take longer than I can handle.

He was also abused as a child- physically and sexually. So there are loads of issues that exist other than just the bipolarism and the alcoholism.

I'm also concerned about ruining my child's life by putting her in a situation where it takes years for things to improve.

Thanks for the website and book suggestion. I haven't had a chance to look for the book, but i've checked the website and it has a lot of helpful info.

And to tawni_j, i'm so sorry you're going through this too.

My husband is actually usually a nice drunk, but I would get pissed off that he drank and then things would escalate from there. So of course he says he never would have gotten violent if I hadn't provoked him by getting mad.

It's all such a mess....

My boyfriend is also bipolar. I broke up with him and he became even more"manic". He called my home 2:30 am and called me ugly names, so I changed all my numbers. Then he came by my house at 2am, which I had my gate locked and he went under the wire which cut him., so he called the cops telling them I stabbed him with a knife. The cops told me he was mentally ill and to walk away from him and not to look back. This is so sad that he cant be normal. I broke up with him because he kept having these manic rages. We cant reach them. We do not live in there world !!

Being the child of a father who was this way and living through it is not something I would ever recommend for you or your child. I still cry when I hear glass break even though my dad quit drinking a couple of years ago and the possibility is not there for it to happen again. There is so much that my brother/mother/and I went through (between being shot at, verbally abused to a heavy extent, and having to run off in the night in fear that he would hurt us) that cannot be repaired.. Even with therapy. Sadly I believe I have bi-polar disorder now as well, which honestly scares me because I don't want to see myself turn into what i've seen. I'd look for great improvement over a good span of time before putting your child or yourself back into a potentially dangerous/unstable environment. Love does mean a lot, but safety and well being should mean more in the end. I hope that things do work out for you, and hopefully you'll be able to share your life and your child's life with your husband. Even though my father did all of that, I still love him as much as ever to this day.

Taffyclee, you do live in our world. Be careful of your words considering I am bipolar and I live a normal life and it can be done with proper treatment. All I ever see is ignorance to the disorder and not understanding it. With your rational it shows someone who has heart disease or cancer lives in a seperate world as well. Just a little tidbit for ya.

Are you saying its ok to be abused ,because he has a disease?? Why do people w/ bipolar play the victim role??I should feel sorry for him because he's sick. If he knows he has a problem , why cant he take responsibility for his actions?? Why would he tell the cops that I stabbed him and try to get me in trouble? Is this the love of a bipolar person.........???


Taffy

If you would have read my entire message I responded to one comment you made regarding those with bipolar live in their own world. Never did I say it was okay to be abused. Of course not, that's just common sense. As for someone who is mentally or even physically ill, they should seek attention but with mental illness and without proper treatment the disorder takes control, being the chemicals in the brain. As for taking responsibility for their actions, again without the proper treatment of meds and therapy can the person live a productive life. As far as i'm concerned i've never heard anyone with a mental illness state they love it or even like having it. You have no idea what we can endure and you should be grateful to god for that. We all have our ups and downs and deal with issues in our own way and alcohol as well as abusing another is not the way to go. You have distorted my words and only read what you wanted to read. As for your (ex)boyfriend, i'm assuming he has been diagnosed with the bipolar disorder. Is he on meds? If so, how long has he been on them? Perhaps he is on the wrong medication and cannot see that. Is he in therapy? Perhaps he has a terrible therapist. I took me 5 tries to find a good one who could actually help me. I accept who I am and the disorder I have, although not at all times but it completes who I am whether I like it or not. By no means am I conceded but before I make a statement to something I do not completely understand I will research it first rather than make an irrational statement. The way your ex acted was completely irrational and attention setting. He is not accepting the disorder and two, he's not getting the proper treatment needed. Just because he acts one way does not make all people with the disorder the way he is. By all means, I know several people who have bipolar and they are not abusive nor do they act as he did.

when your safety and welfare depends on someone else taking their meds, you have to be extra careful. When told he was frightening, or dangerous, or going too far and he blew you off time and time again, he lost someone who was truly interested in his well-being along with her own. That is his decision. If he wanted you to stick around he would have taken you seriously.

Your boyfriend didn't buy into the need for medication, and you were jeapordized. Do not feel guilty or lesser-than for protecting your well-being. He's an adult. He is responsible for himself. He is not your dependant child or something. Sounds like he didn't want the responsibility of being a partner.

I have been with my polar-drunk for 13 years. I hate when people say "you should just leave" for some of us it is simply not that easy. When you have kids or stacks of bills leaving can be one of the futherest things from your mind. I am dealing with my polar-drunk saying "You are bipolar!" I'm not the one that spent 13K dollars in a month and a half on GOD knows what. I would love to tell you to leave him but, sometimes we are like moths to the flame. If you find a way (without support from friends and family - because I have few of either since he has been around) please share it with me. I need good advice.

I live with a bipolar for 9years. He is diagnosed and taking meds, but the med manufacturer made a generic nardil that has more side effects and does not work anywhere as well. He is weening off nardil and hopes to try effexar. So life with a bipolar is off balance and in breakdown more than not. He is sloppy and feels success when he makes his responsibilities to become mine. So I do more for him everyday, like I could be his mother, and wonder why I give so much. I feel low because he asks me to do his stuff and I have less time for my stuff and tonight I feel I need to find some other way to charge my batteries, and I dont feel love or care or any tenderness from him. I am out of patience today. I appreciate this board, and it is helping me get by another day. Thank you ! I can't wait to sleep!

my husband just pulled a gun on me i reported him and he is now awaiting charges x3 They sent him to the state mental hospital and a I believe the good ole boy system is gonna get him off of all felony charges and have to stay in hospital for a few months. I am the victim and now i will suffr from PTSD from now on. I want to no why people think I should deal with it and not forget about him just cause he's sick. I did not deserve what he done to me. I will not allow this to happen to me.....