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Really Depressed Could Use Some Advice

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Hey guys.. I'm 18 and just found out I was pregnant... I was raped this summer and just found out in november that I was pregnant. I had been dating my boyfriend for the first couple of months in college and we were really starting to get serious. In all fairness to him I told him about me being pregnant..And he freaked out. We only had sex a couple of times but somehow he thought it might be his..Altho I explained to him that it couldn't be since the doctor said I was 5 months pregnant. (he also had known about the rape before) he totally freaked out and got so angry at me and I honestly don't understand why. He accused me of lying to him and stuff and accused me of knowing that I was pregnant before. I honestly showed no signs of being pregnant except my breasts getting larger so I really didnt think anything was wrong with me.

After the rape I took the morning after pill which obviously didnt work.. And I talked to the obgyn after I didnt get my period for a while and she told me not to worry (despite my asking her for a pregnancy test she said 'sweetie dont worry your not pregnant'). After hearing that from a doctor I thought I was absolutely fine. He also lashed out on me about all the things I did in school he like started yelling at me " do you realize how stupid you are..You party all the time" which is completely true, I was drinking and tried pot for the first time but I had no clue I was pregnant. Of course I stopped doing all of that when I found out but I had no way of knowing before.

I'm really depressed because I really like him alot but after I told him he stopped talking to me. He told my good guy friend it made him sick to even look at me anymore because he was heartbroken and couldn't think of me the same way (also cuz we had sex when I was pregnant) I really dont think this is fair for him to do to me especially because this is the hardest thing for me to go through.. I never asked him to be there for me or to do anything yet hes acting like this. He even went as far as to not allow me his dorm room anymore..Which was a huge problem considering his roommate is my best friend and all of my friends hang out there 24/7. The last time he talked to me was on christmas and just to wish me a merry christmas. I know its silly and my friends tell me I should move on...But i'm finding it so hard to do that because our relationship I feel wouldn't have ended had this not happend and it ended on such undefined terms. My friends all think he'll snap out of it and get over it . For the last couple of weeks of school after we broke up he started drinking heavily every night and started smoking a ton of pot which he never really did before and would not go to class and go to the bars every night with one of his friends. I can't help but think this is in some way my fault? Any advice on anything? Any advice is greatly appreciated :(
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replied January 9th, 2006
Experienced User
I'm Srry
Wow i'm srry you had to go through that i've been something simular but not quite as bad. If you really love them and he loves you just give him time maybe he will come around after you have your baby will you keep it?And then again you sound like a great girl you could move on if you want and find a nice guy that will care about you and not what happened to you, that guy you were dating has to understand this bad thing happened to you not him, needs to think about how you feel.You could also write him a long letter that works sometimes. I really don't have good advice i'm just very srry you had to go through that. Good luck and keep me post on what happens, ok good luck.

Chanee
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replied January 9th, 2006
Experienced User
I know it must be hard to deal with all of this and it is very unfortunate. If he knew that you were raped and this pregnancy was the outcome of this act then he shouldn't be mad at you. Afterall, you are the victim here, and he needs to be a little more understanding.

It sounds like you really like him and you are stressing yourself out over this guy and I know it must be hard to get over liking someone but you have to try to be strong and keep going forward.

Focus your time on planning out what it is that you are going to have to do because you are pregnant and what comes after this. Your health and the health of your baby is what's important here and I am sure that you have many other things to worry about other than this guy.

If he wants to come to his senses than maybe he will, this might be hard on him also, but if he is not understanding toward your situation than maybe you should just leave it alone.

I really don't know exactly what to say ( I would forget all about this guy if I were you) but it seems like you are being stubborn and want to continue something with him. I can say that you shouldn't feel guilty or responsible about the way he is acting and all the partying that he is doing as he is doing this to himself and he chose to do what he is doing.

You had no choice in your situation and what you need is support and someone to be understanding. You need to figure out what you are going to do. Worry about boy problems some other time, right now you have to focus on yourself.
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