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Q: Need Advice
asked by: mikeyncc on December 22nd, 2003
New User
I was wondering as far as developing friendships, and possibly pursing more of a relationship with this person, how can I go about doing this.
Here is a couple of questions:
when I am developing a friendship, what kind of signal is it when you spend a long amount quality time with someone and when they go home for the holidays they offer a handshake as a sign of goodbye, instead of a hug, or when someone tells you they are single, and lets say I have spent about 2yrs, of being a good friend to this person, should I pursue a relationship, and ask that person out!

I need help! Sad
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Replies(7)
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saturn24
replied on December 22nd, 2003
Experienced User
I am confused as to what exactly you are asking. But, if you are saying that you have a good friend that you want to have a relationship with, I can answer that. In my opinion, you want to kind of hint around it to first see if they are even interested. It would put you in an awkward position if they only want a friendship with you and you just poured your heart out. I would just start to mildly flirt and see what kind of response you get. If you can't wait, then just ask. But it may make your friendship wierd for a while if denied.
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mikeyncc
replied on December 23rd, 2003
New User
Sorry For Misunderstandings
Ok, on the first question I was asking is what kind of sign is it, when I spend a quality amount of time with someone and we begin to share moments from the past and even some personal stuff. I was asking is this a possible sign of a relationship.

And the second was, like you mentioned saturn, should I pursue and ask this person out. I feel kind of bad though because I don't want anything to happen to the friendship that we have had. It may seem she may want to stay as friends.
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Amberlee123
replied on December 23rd, 2003
Experienced User
To stay as friends, this friend of yours may want. If you truley have feelings for someone you should let them know. The chance may pass, then it will just be"i could have, I should have" and you ask what it means if you have spent quallity time with this friend and they leave for the holidays with only a hand shake, well perhaps sence you have been no more than friends in the past how is he/she sapposed to know if you are comfortable with any more than just that. Yes it may make the friendship a little wierd after you confess your feelings if you are turned down for further relationship, but not if you don't let it. Do not ust avoid hi,/her afterwords if they don't want what you do. Just be as confadent as anytime befor. The subtle flirting doesnt always work because alot of people may not catch on. Good luck. If you have feelings for someone you should almost always let the other know with exceptions of they are in a relationship. Just choose your timing well.
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saturn24
replied on December 23rd, 2003
Experienced User
You can do what you want, but this is just my advice from personal experience. I wasn't saying that it was going to get wierd because you would lose confidence. It is because if she doesn't want any more than that, then she will probably feel uncomfortable around you after you confess your feelings. I love having men as friends, but it never ends up working. Because, just as soon as I get the exact friendship that I want out of them, they confess that they want more then that and everything falls apart.
But if you really like this person, go for it. That is really all that you can do. That way you will know for sure. But if she says no, then just drop it. Stay the same friend that you were before and don't ever mention it again. After a while things should go back to normal. But, I wish you luck. Maybe she really does like you, but is in the same situation as you are.
As for the hug thing, good friends would not be afraid to hug each other whether or not there is more than friendship there or not!
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sammisa
replied on January 19th, 2004
Experienced User
I think you should just make your move Wink tell her what you think, or next time when she goes to shake your hand, just pull her close, and hug her. I sure would hate for you to loose what you have, but on the other hand, maybe she feels the same, and she didnt want to ruin your friendship either. This is a hard one Confused Yeah, thats what I would do.. (i think).
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bonedogg
replied on January 23rd, 2004
New User
Chances are you feel attracted cause you have so much in common and have gotten used to each others company. Ask yourself whether you can see the 2 of you being intimate in the near future. If it seems impossible, then it is. Tread carefully. You wouldnt want to lose a friend. And by the looks of it, a close friend.
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janeysuz
replied on July 4th, 2005
Experienced User
Honesty
I think when you just start becoming a little tiny bit more physical...Just say touch the back of their hand when you talk, or touch their back when you walk together, these are not overtly sexual but make a statement that I want to cross a line a little bit and let you know I want to move things along...You can just tell right away if they're receptive or if they move away, don't move in for the kill, a hug or a kiss that's unwanted can signal them to run away for good...Because it's often too much for them to think "oh gosh I have to reject my friend and I can't bear to hurt them, so i'll just escape/evade/avoid them"...You can tell really quick, if you look a little extra long in their eyes and see if they squirm or see if they reciprocate, a little giggle may mean they're interested but surprised that you're changing the dynamic a bit...Anyway, be gentle and nonaggressive and things will be pretty obvious and you don't have to lose the friendship
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