Hey im allie 18's sister. Wht do ya'll
think about my situation? I had a baby
girl when I was 17, now im 20 and shes 3.
I finished school at 16 (age we finish
high school here in uk). Started college
to study child care, got sick and was
bored with it so I dopped out after 2
months. Got fulltime job in a supermarket
store for a year, then quit when I was 7
months pregnant. Her father never wanted
her, he left when he found out. My
parents were upset and disappointed so
they kicked me out. I gave birth to my
daughter, we lived in a shelter for unwed
young mothers for the first year of her
life. I didnt work or go back to college,
stayed fulltime mum. When she turned 1 yr
old, council (state as you call it in usa)
gave us a 2 bedroomed apartment. We have
lived in it for the last 2 years. Now my
daughter is 3yrs old at pre school twice a
week, starts school fulltime next year. I
havent been back to work or studied
anything since I had her, ive been happy
being stay at home fulltime mum to my
child. We live on government benefits (in
usa you call welfare), which in the uk are
more than enough to live on and save some
every week without needing to work. I
will continue to qualify for benefits
until next year when she is at school
fulltime, then I will be told to get a
part time job of 4 hours a day while shes
at school. Likely to be a store job
again. Right now I would like to find a
guy to have another baby with, stay on
benefits another 4 yrs continue to be
fulltime stay at home mum but I dont know
for sure. What is your opinion on my life
and what I should do next? Good & bad
comments welcome.
Don't you want to learn to be independent?
I understand that you want to stay home
with your child(ren), but do you honestly
want to be on "welfare" for the rest of
your life?
Do you have any passion for anything else
than staying at home? What do you enjoy?
Computers, photography.. Etc. You could
pick up a course and receive a certificate
in something so when you really have to
get a job, you could get into something
you enjoy and not "just a store job".
Best of luck with whatever you do :)
|
~*~Jillian~*~
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 1759 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: 01-07-06 10:24am
I really think you should go back to
school...If you didnt like child care
...Then try something different im sure
there is something you can find that you
like...Your a major influence on your
daughter...Do you want her growing up
thinking that living off the government is
alright...Or would you like her to grow up
and make the right choices and make her
own money...And another thing ...What if
one day the government decides to take all
these things away from you....What would
you do?....There are a lot of things to
look at that are wrong...I dont really
think there is one thing you are doing
right by living off the government...So I
think you need to start off clean and go
back to school....
|
hunterjumper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 203 Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 01-07-06 11:02am
You want to have another baby so you can
continue to mooch off the government?
That's ridiculous.
You couldn't even provide financially for
your first child, so obviously the smart
thing to do is to go out and have
another!! Wow, einstein here.
Get real hun. You need to get a damn job,
not pop out babies so that you can sit on
your ass sucking up welfare for the rest
of your life just because you don't want
to work.
:roll:
|
~*~Jillian~*~
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 1759 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: 01-07-06 11:03am
....Ding ding ding...Jack pot...!! Lol
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 01-07-06 11:36am
I have no problem with mom wanting to stay
at home full time but what you said is
wrong, like what you will just have
another child for money that is so wrong,
you are merely saying money is more
important than love. Im getting money
from the government right now for mat
leave but I paid into it and im going back
to work in a few months.
|
BlueEyes2006
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 6 Location: London, UK
Posted: 01-08-06 06:36am
Thats one reason, another is I love
babies I want to raise a second child, my
3rd reason is I want my daughter to have a
sibling to grow up with and play with etc.
If I was married to her father, he would
work i'd be fulltime stay home mum as many
here are I reckon. Just because I dont
have him around isnt stopping me from
being that!!! Why should I let it when
its best for my daughter!!! Michelle im
interested in nutrition and animals,
doesnt mean I wanna work in those fields
of interest. Im not the studying type.
There's a guy keeps asking me out im going
to give him my phone number this week if I
dont chicken out!!! Hes not the kind of
guy I wanna be with long term thats for
sure!!! Having a baby with him doesnt
mean I have to stay with him, for the
babys sake I can try to keep him in our
lives so he sees the baby. Im not
waiting until mr right may or may not walk
into my life to have another kid, I could
be incredibly 50 by the time that
happens!!! I was thinking have baby then
after 2yrs get part time store job or
study somethin!!! Wish me look giving my
number to this guy this week!!! Laterz
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 01-08-06 09:41am
So your just looking for a sperm donor, I
feel bad for the guys life your going to
ruin and I hope he pulls custody from
you.....
Im trying not to be rude here but your not
doing anything for your children
everything is for your selfish needs and
it just sickens me, I have a child and
another one but I work so I can show my
children a good influence even if I end up
part time I want them to grasp
resposibility. You want money while
sitting on ur @$$ doesnt happen wake up
and smell the coffee, you have to work for
respect and money.
|
hunterjumper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 203 Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 01-08-06 15:15pm
You're being ridiculous, and above all
selfish.
You are a horrible mother. You don't
care about your child. You don't care
about the father. You don't care about
anyone around you but yourself. Don't
even bother trying to say you're doing it
for your daughter. How would having
another child that's going to take all
your time and energy away from her helping
her?
You're "not the studying type"? So in
other words you're a slacker. Great
example to set for your daughter. You
know what? I hate school with a passion
too. But I do it. I'm going to college
as soon as possible even though I hate
hate hate it because I know I have to, for
my child. And for myself. We both
deserve that.
Despite what you think, you can't simply
spermjack a guy and then ditch him. He
has every legal right to that child and he
may very well exercise those rights.
Suddenly you're stuck with a guy who's
taking your child half the week and every
decision has to be agreed upon by him.
In fact, I think it's likely that he could
get full custody of the child based on how
crappy and selfish of a mother you are.
You're disgusting. Have a nice life
getting knocked up by another 12 guys and
living off welfare and raising your
children to be as fat, lazy and ugly as
you are.
|
jewelskye
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 172 Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 01-08-06 22:25pm
I agree.
That is completely selfish of you to take
advantage of welfare, and bring another
child into the world so you can do it.
You are not in the situation to have
another child! The way you're acting, you
sound like you're a child yourself,
regardless of your age.
Plus, I don't think any guy is going to be
too eager to respond to this:
"hey, I have a three year old daughter,
and I want another kid now so I can take
advantage of the fact that you're working
and stay at home to raise the children!
Then, when our welfare runs out, we'll pop
out another baby!"
honestly. You need a serious and bracing
reality check, sweetie. Be a little bit
mature, and don't go for the easy way.
Get a job. Go to school. Get a life.
Sorry in advance if you take offence by
this. I'm speaking my mind.
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 01-09-06 08:43am
Welfare is there to help people, to help
people get back on their feet, I dont
think its wrong to go on welfare there are
a lot of cases thats its justified and
yours isnt. People who work are the ones
paying for your welfare and id rather see
it go to ppl who actually need it, where I
live you have to do community service I
believe its 20-40 hrs amonth to collect it
depending on the person circumstances.
You really need to get a life, a good
mother teachers their children good moral
and ur just not doing that, im 22 not
much older than you and I have everything
that I wanted and could have more should I
go back to college. You need to think
about your future you really do and your
childs futur how are you going to help
them when they need extra cash for school
or just anything that a child needs no one
ever said kids were cheap. What man
wants to marry a woman that has no respect
for her family like honestly yeah im
married its not easy buts its nice to know
you have someone to fall back on and
someone you can get a hug from after a
hard days work or just to b$%ch at lol!!
You need help ur not thinking with the
right frame of mind about life, life is
supposed to be hard but the benefits and
joys you get you could never buy and you
will never expierence them till you
actually something worth while.
Sorry for the long post but you need to
think!
Jess
|
bumpycow
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 5 Location: luton beds ENGLAND
Blueeyes2006 Posted: 01-09-06 11:09am
I also from england n think your mad so
within a year u wana meet a bloke get
pregnant n then ave him as ya fella so u
no him two months b4 u start trying.. U
cnt decide that quick if hes trusted with
your lil girl or a new baby your still
young sort u out, go college n you wont
lose any benefits n u can train n be home
in time for your lil girl n be a good mum
when shes older n wants nice £100 nike
trainers you need a job.More then a
supermarket n u wont b happy ull regret it
all wish you stidied if that what you want
go 4 it good luck but f**k anova bloke
sort you out
If I was on welfare, the last thing that
would be on my mind is another child to
support.
|
kb77
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 100
Hi Posted: 01-11-06 00:50am
I'm not going to go the route of telling
you its dumb. I just think your motives
are good - (being a stay at home mom) -
but you should want to better yourself.
Go to school, so you can get a good job,
and then your child will be in school
while you work, you can still be at home
with her in the evenings, and on the
weekends. It the right thing to do to
teach her some values. Be independent!
Be a good rolemodel for your daughter!
|
Damita
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Dec 2005 Posts: 43 Location: Memphis
Posted: 01-11-06 02:11am
:x :?: I honestly believe that you are
being ridiculous!!! You are being
selfish,lazy, and ignorant. Your child is
going to grow up thinking that she won't
ever have to work for caca because the
government is just going to give it to
her. Girl you better wake up and smell
the coffee, cuz life comes at you fast and
all of that "assisstance" can be taken
away tommorrow. It's sounds like your
abusing welfare and why should working
citizens like myself have to pay for your
lazy ass. You need to think again. You
are only hurting yourself.
|
BlueEyes2006
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 6 Location: London, UK
Posted: 01-11-06 08:24am
Right I aint abusing welfare which I call
benefits cos im in uk. I got a right to
claim it cos im a single mum. My girl is
too young to be in proper school for
another year and 8 months. Meaning I have
to not work so I can be home raising her
everyday, no one else is around to look
after her for me even if I wanna work part
time!!! Yes I could stick her in daycare
centre all day which government help pay
for, so I can work fulltime or part time,
yet I dont want strangers raising my kid
especially being young. Whats point
having your baby if you aint gonna look
after them only at night??? No daycare
place is raising my kid for me, I gave
birth to her so I will be the one to care
for her!!! Would suck having her in
daycare all day so I could only see her in
the evening for an hour or 2 before she
goes to bed no way!!! Im a good mum I do
everything for her that she needs and
more, from getting up early everyday to
give her breakfast, to taking her swimming
every week, to the park, grocery shopping,
clothes and toys books shopping, mum and
toddler playgroup every week, take her to
pre-school twice a week and pick her up,
take her to visit family, to the library
she loves it there, cook her dinner every
night, bathe her, read to her, play with
her a lot, take her for walks, help her
ride her lil bike, talk to her, watch kids
dvd's with her, dress her, brush her teeth
twice a day, get activity sets out for
drawing, painting, coloring, play doh,
puzzles.........................All that
stuff!!! Different things every day, so
dont you tell me im lazy or fat sitting on
my ass all damn day cos I aint!!! Im a
great mum, my daughter is happy, healthy,
intelligent, energetic, well adjusted,
confidant, loving and loved!!! Being stay
home mum is best thing I can do for her
right now and im glad I am!!!
The issue is when it comes to next year
september when she starts proper school
fulltime, what should I do? Study
something at night while shes sleeping,
and also work part time during the day for
a few hours in a store while shes at
school. Good idea? Thats what I been
thinkin of doing lately, I do wanna have
another baby too which is always on my
mind, cos she should have a sibling to
grow up with in my opinion all kids
should. And I love being a mum!!! I
want another but do I have another first
then study and work later or first or
what. Plz reply your views???
|
erogers33
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 141 Location: Littleton, CO
Posted: 01-11-06 12:11pm
Ok, I don't doubt that you love your
daughter and want nothing but the best for
her. It's obvious that you love her and
love spending time with her. Nobody is
questioning that. What strikes me as odd
is the fact that you say you want another
baby so you can continue getting
government assistance, and you don't care
if the dad is involved the least bit.
Girl, you're still very young and have the
rest of your life to give your daughter a
sibling. Do it the right way, though.
Find a guy who you can fall in love with,
get married, and then have a family with
him. Don't just look for a sperm donor.
It's not fair to the baby, and it's
especially not fair to your daughter. Do
you want to have 5 kids with 5 different
guys?
I understand why you don't want your
daughter in daycare. There are freaks out
there, but for the most part daycare is a
very positive environment for your
daughter. It will give her a chance to
interact with kids her age. I know she
attends pre-school a couple days a week,
but daycare gives kids the chance to be
more comfortable and more social outside
of their homes. But if you absolutely
don't want to put her in daycare, then I
suggest when she is in school full-time
that you get a job and/or go back to
school. I know you like staying at home
with her, but when the government stops
supporting you, what are you going to live
off of? Many women would be perfectly
happy being a stay-at-home mom for a
living, but unfortunately that's not an
option for you. You don't have a husband
to support you, and i'm pretty sure your
family isn't going to support you either.
So buck up, get a job, and provide for
your daughter. She deserves it.
|
Damita
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Dec 2005 Posts: 43 Location: Memphis
Posted: 01-12-06 01:26am
:o I apologize for offending you because
that was not my intention, it just angered
me when that you were thinking about
having another child so that you could
continue to recieve government assisstance
regardless to whether or not the father
was around. I just didn't understand why
someone would want to do that. I am quite
sure that you are an excellent mother.
|
bumpycow
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 5 Location: luton beds ENGLAND
Blueeyes Posted: 01-12-06 06:20am
I think you should do a bit of college 1st
wait a year until shes full time school b4
you ave anova baby. Den you also get a
yrs worth of training up ya sleeve. Even
hairdressing you can do that from home n
all the colleges other that course for a
couple of evenings a week do that 4 a yr
till she full time n if you meet a bloke
now that give you ova a year to decide if
hes good enuff 2 father a kid of yours and
be around ya girl.
An its easier on you if your girl at
school b4 anova ones here you can teach
her more about responsibility with helping
you an stuff you get more time for just
you an the baby and wen shes home shes
greeted by you all calm n happy rather
then 2kids nagging at you all day it works
out better for everyone n if you really
need all da benefits you can do
hairdressin mobile buissness n still claim
if u need to you need time 4 u no kids no
man no housework just chill time from what
I cn tell ya a gd mum you just need to
f**k men for a while and sort ya education
out n giv ya girl evewn more of wot u
already given her
let me no if ne of dis helps ya
lydia (bumpycow :roll: )
|
hunterjumper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 203 Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posted: 01-12-06 11:10am
You do what you do to survive and i'm much
in the same situation as you are but it's
pretty ridiculous that you still seem to
be seriously considering having another
child. I'd love another one sure, I agree
that I think it's important for kids to
have siblings. But I know i'm nowhere in
the situation to have another one. Sure I
could get on welfare and suck it up just
so that I could be selfish and have
another child that I couldn't support by
myself and make everyone else pay for
them...But that's wrong. If you can't
support them on your own, you shouldn't
have them.
Even more is the idea that you don't care
about your child having a father. That's
unebelievable. Haven't you read anything
about the problems kids have when there's
no father involved? I grew up with pretty
much no father there it wasn't fun. I
sure as hell would't purposly set out to
have another child and not try and give it
the best life possible...That means trying
my damndest that it has two parents
involved.
Use some common sense. Focus on getting
your daughter in daycare and getting a
job. She's 3, that's not exactly too
young. My son is only 1 and i'm already
looking at my options for finishing school
and getting a job. People would've killed
me if I was still sitting around 2 years
from now.
