ive been an avid hard core meth junkie for about 11yrs.,im very proud to say october 18th 2008 was my last day of use!! although-time wise- im short, ive had several practice runs at sobriety. im certain this will be the last. what makes me so certain? why is this run any different than any others? my drug related dreams have shown me. with all my past attempts to get clean{the ones in which enough time lapsed that i would reach the stage where "dope dreams" take place}my dope dreams {nightmares} consisted of major uphoric moments. ide wake up angry,feeling cheated out of a rush or worse, a major overwhelming sense of lonliness/depression. in those dreams, i would re-enter the world that id grown so, sickly, accustomed to and would act out my normal daily activities. those activities revoved around "doing dope" and all the in betweens {stealing,lying cheating.... abusive relationships,loss of family and friends,jobs homes, cars, morales,values,self-respect etc....}! this time around, my dreams are so incredibly different,inspiring i suppose. yes they are still dreams of all the old scenerios however its how my character {me} responds or acts out in these dreams that makes this so amazing. heres my favorite in short form... im in a fast food drive through w/a friend {more like an old rival},non the less-as i approach the window the girl taking my order makes some kind of rude comment that sends me in an outrage! i jump out of the car {after a few choice words are exchanged} and intend on beating this b------ head in the ground. she's game and the fight is on {i, of course win}. somehow we re-locate in some office of sorts where i finalize her "butt kicking" by robbing her. i take a glass pipe {loaded to the gills w/ dope, a bag of dope, her cell phone, and purse. ahhh- talk about uphoric momments...{heres where it gets -beyond weird. im sitting w/ the pipe in my hand, her laying in a ball crying, w/ a few of my "good friends" applauding my executions. suddenly i toss the pipe{my buddies quickly take over},i gather up all her stuff and give it all back, including the pipe, and i leave. at this point im running-but not for the usual reason, which would be -the fear of cops. this time, im running alone {my friends were probably befriending her,since she was the one w/ dope}i was running away- from the dope itself-as quickly as possible and as far as possible. as i get out the doors, i find myself in a swarm of ,snohomish county pigs. im well recognized and am harassed. at which time i make the comment ,they better step off ,or im gonnna let my dog out{he too is well known and is by no means a "nice puppy". i realize the mistake ive just made, and know what's to come of it, so i quickly change my tone. i simply, apologize for the" misunderstanding" {only in a dream does this happen,haha} and explain "it just came out wrong", what i was trying to say was, my dog is right behind me- so please let me get him leashed and muzzled- for all our safety. it worked, they actually release me. i start running again, like a madwomen and while im tearing up the dirt im passing all these different stages or flashes of my life. each flash or stage showed me tidbits of what ive done, who ive done it w/, where it took place and so on...i continued running until the stages and flashes quit. the end. do you see the point, the amazing message? in past experiences i wouldve kept the b------ stuff and i certainly wouldnt've put the pipe down,my dog would've been shot and i would've been in jail. waking up to that scenerio wouldve given me an excuse to say "f--- this" or in the least, ruined my day{as my dreams are as lucid as it can get w/out being of true reality}. the true version has reached the pit of my being,which im conviced will continue on the right path from here out. i believe during the time we use we become seperated internally {our sub-conscience / our conscienceness our spirit from our bodies. we cannot truely trick ourselves into believing were ready for major overhauls or changes. only when we become absolutely true w/in, can we become successful in mind body and spirit. best of luck!!!!!!!!