Can I join? I don't know what it is with us smart people who just can't do anything for ourselves. I'm not like you in that I do have all the way up to a master's degree, but so what. The memories of some of those times is great, but when I really think about it, they were very depressing times also because I never felt like anyone cared a hoot for me, not even my family. One year in my whole long, old life I can remember having all these supposed good friends and I was just about the happiest person in the world, but they all left for their lives and i'm all alone. And now where are they? All over the world but not anywhere near here.

Sure, I did/do some things with my life, but most don't really matter. And now I get so depressed so easily and I don't want to be around anyone and don't want to leave my house because I think I feel best here but yet, I don't, but I can't do anything about it. I like my job, but yet I hate going to my job. It all just makes me want to scream.

I know what the answer is, and you might also, but I don't want and can't do it. I need to stop focusing so much on me and get involved in helping others. Right, that sounds good. But how do you keep doing that over and over and over........And not get exhausted. How do you do it when I just don't want to anymore? It didn't seem to help me. It just doesn't seem to matter.

Then I know I need to be going to church every sunday. I am a christian, I believe in god and jesus christ, but yet I still don't take the necessary steps. I pray sometimes for help and don't get it so god must be saying no, so what do I do then? I stopped going to church several years ago because I felt sorry for myself and no one talked to me even though I thought I was keeping myself open. Well, i'm still here feeling sorry for myself.

I take anti-depressants. Lots of help there (not). I've tried therapy. It felt good to talk but as soon as I stop, back to same ol', same ol'.

I personally believe we are born with the predilection to be depressed (they say it's chemical and aren't we born with our chemicals?).

Sometimes I feel like it is just not worth it. I think about dying but as soon as that comes out, I get scared and think no, I want to live. I just want a life. Suicide is definitely not the way for me. I'm just a little too curious to see what might happen tomorrow. I keep thinking my brain is going to wake up and do what it's supposed to. But when?

We have to figure that out, somehow. Life is precious, but how do we make it precious for us? My brain is just so tired sometimes.

Life is worth it, we just have to figure out how we can act like it's worth it and maybe eventually we will feel like it is worth it. We can have hope, can't we?

With hope,
carol

I know exactly how you feel. There's always hope & a way out!!!!!! & I know you will find it. I always felt so left out because I have no social skills & it seemed like everyone else had lots of friends. High school was hell for me, I didn't really know anyone & had only a small # of friends, but in my junior year none of us were friends anymore & I had none. High school was sooooooooooooooo lonely & painful for me.


I'm in my 2nd semester of college now but I have only 1 friend & still have no social skills (it's so painful bcause by the 1st semester everyone is making friends, building friendships & i'm always alone).

I've had deep, tormenting depression most of my life and I have had schizophrenia for 20 yrs. Trust me, your situation is sooooo much better than mine so be encouraged w/ that.


A suggestion to you is that demons may be attacking you (when you feel the urge to take your life, that's the enemy trying to destroy you & sometimes the ones he attacks the most has a special purpose in life to carry out & he doesn't want you to do it).


Getting excorcisms is the 1 & only thing that has turned my situation around. The way ur feeling, wanting to end your life & being so depressed means that the enemy (or something) wants to destroy you bcause you have a special purpose in life to carry out. I don't know what ur relationship w/ god is but he is the only one who can heal you. Pray, seek him & look for natural ways to heal (look up "all natural treatment for severe depression" on the internet). Find out all the supplements that the brain must have to function & try to take them regularly (essential fatty acids, etc). Aromatherapy might help also, (at least till you can be healed completely). There are certain essential oils that help heal depression (e-mail me if u need more info on this or anything else i've talked about.)

do not end it bcause I love u so much, just bcause your a beautiful human; & I know exactly how you feel. You will make friends a enjoy a productive, meaningful life. Please respond to give an update, if u need to talk or want more info; i'm a very caring & loving person.


You will experience a life of joy & satisfaction

someone cares 4 you. :) :) :)

I have been depressed since I was in grade school as well. I don't know the cause when I was a kid, it was probably the fact that I had literally 0 friends....No caca. My worst time was freshman to present time. My sister was diagnosed with brain tumors on her brain stem, which are inoperable). She lived for two years because she had hope that he would get better. She was very smart and strong willed. If she wasn't that way, she probably would of only lived for a couple months. She never let it take advantage of her. She died right at the beginning of my jr. Year (i'm currently a jr.) and I did very poorly in school (2.0 gpa for the first 6 weeks, which was pretty much my gpa freshman and sophmore year) now all my gpa's are above 3.667 because i've decided to take some responsibility in my life. I'm still not happy with myself, I probably never will be. Also, I started dating a girl in 8th grade all the way til soon after my sister's death, she moved away and we broke up, we stayed friends, which was extremely hard but I eventually got over it, but now we are back together and i'm not exactly happy about it in some ways, but others I am. I have the same feelings for her, I always have, but she lives so far away and I only see her a couple times a month. Those two things combined devastated me. Then just yesterday, I found out I have a half-sister whom is 31 years old. I don't know her name, where she lives, what she looks or sounds like, etc. I know nothing of her except her birthday and where the agency/hospital was. But i'm still truly unhappy, I have never experienced true happiness. It's never too late to go back to school, who cares about the peers, after high school, you will never ever see them again. Don't be afraid to try and become successful. There are plenty of stories about being what they thought was complete failure to complete success. Seek advice from those kind of stories. If you are smart, you can be very successful. I want to go into the medical field because of my sister. I want to help people, I want to be successful and help my family get out of debt. So I decided to get more serious about school. Go back to school, screw peer opinions, you could be more successful than those losers who pick on others to feel better. I'm sorry that I lack wisdom to give good advice...If you have any for me, it would be appreciated.

Dear cryptic,
i am so sorry to read about your sister. She sounds like a great person and in just your few words, I could read the love there. You were and are truly blessed to know of such love even for too short a time.

You are much wiser than you give yourself credit for. I admire your take-charge attitude. If we don't take responsibility and act for ourselves, who is going to? I guess we could just hide ourselves in our rooms and never come out, but that's not a life. And even though I have fought loneliness and depression my whole life, I still love life and will continue to do everything I can to experience the joy of living. Joy and happiness are not the same thing. To me, joy is deeper and lasts longer. Happiness is only fleeting. Sadly, "who_am_i" hasn't learned that (yet?).

Cryptic, you are absolutely correct when it comes to peers. I'm amazed that you realize that already in your young life. I wish I had understood earlier in my life that peers aren't and won't be living my life. I am and will. Respect all people, hopefully even love them, but don't let what you ***think*** a peer might think or do control your life. Do what you must to live and fully experience your life. I hope you don't mind that this came from an older lady who experienced all this many years ago (but I still do remember the feelings).

And alexis, you are on the right path. Keep up the good work.

God bless...
Carol

p.S. Cryptic - don't worry too much about the new half-sister. Who knows what might come of this, but I think you will know what to do when or if anything does.

I have so much more I can tell u about me and wuts wrong that it's rediculous, I feel like my family is so frickin messed up. I'm pretty much always pissed off, sad, or in some kind of bad mood. The only thing that takes me away from reality is video games. That is how I cope with my problems temporarily until I find a resolution...I would type more, but I need to go study for advanced biology. I'm learning all the bones in the skull and all the vertebrae. But any advice on what to do rather than play video games, it's always greatly appreciated. There is always an open-mind over here. Feel free to ask advice from me if you need, I will try to help.
-matt-

I have so much more I can tell u about me and wuts wrong that it's rediculous, I feel like my family is so frickin messed up. I'm pretty much always pissed off, sad, or in some kind of bad mood. The only thing that takes me away from reality is video games. That is how I cope with my problems temporarily until I find a resolution...I would type more, but I need to go study for advanced biology. I'm learning all the bones in the skull and all the vertebrae. But any advice on what to do rather than play video games, it's always greatly appreciated. There is always an open-mind over here. Feel free to ask advice from me if you need, I will try to help.
-matt-

I have so much more I can tell u about me and wuts wrong that it's rediculous, I feel like my family is so frickin messed up. I'm pretty much always pissed off, sad, or in some kind of bad mood. The only thing that takes me away from reality is video games. That is how I cope with my problems temporarily until I find a resolution...I would type more, but I need to go study for advanced biology. I'm learning all the bones in the skull and all the vertebrae. But any advice on what to do rather than play video games, it's always greatly appreciated. There is always an open-mind over here. Feel free to ask advice from me if you need, I will try to help.
-matt-

Sorry about making 3 of the same posts

Matt,
let me tell you a little secret that's not really a secret - almost all families are unbelievably messed up. I thought I grew up in a normal family - dad worked, mom stayed at home, 1 older sister and 2 younger brothers, 1 grandmother and 1 grandfather, every sunday family get togethers, we all went to college and have good jobs.

So, what's the problem you are asking?
1. Older sister seems to have a great life but is cold and greedy.
2. Me - i'm lonely, depressed, fat, tmj pain all the time, broke.
3. Brother 1 - wanted to be married and have kids so bad so married a nut when he got desperate in his 30's, divorced, re-married, 1st born son 13 years old now in mental hospital for sexually abusing several relatives girls and boys, 1st born daughter we didn't even know existed until she was 13 years old and is now a dirty, poor, mother allowed to shack up with a 28 year old when she was 15 and how she has a daughter that they have physically abused, court took away and later returned and just had a new born baby boy, not married, boyfriend is a drug seller
4. Brother 2 - much younger, divorced, 2 daughters 1 a little crazy and he's a very angry man trying to better his life but definitely a little strange.

So that's in an outline and we were a normal typical family. That's why I mentioned that we are responsible for our lives. Our parents, genes, peers, etc., all do greatly contribute but ultimately, only we have and are our souls (spiritually that's a whole other huge story).

Video games. I never got into them even though I do like some computer games. I was a reader. Books and books.

Also, since you are studying the bones of the head, could you find a cure for tmj (temporomandibular joint dysfunction) while you're at it?

Take care. I read and responded to pm.
Carol

You just described me at 17 and the unhappiness you describe continued untill I reached the age of 46. By this time I had been on medication from doctors, my whole life. I been to phycitrists I was drinking every night and suicide wasnt even an option. (thank god)
my mum killed herself after 100s of attempts in the most horrendous way bleeding from every orifice. The bottom line is there is no majic cure,no doctor no drug, no pill in fact, no human power. You are doing the right thing by talking to others who suffer from the same illness. Find people who have recovered from depression, as they have been where you are now. My life has changed beyond all recognition, I wake up glad to be alive today and enjoy each day as it comes. I will be thinking of you and please seek out positive people who have recovered from depression. Dont wait as life really is too short and at the end of it all whats waiting for us all? A big wooden box!! Take care jean

Ok, I am 20 years old, a junior in college with my whole life ahead of me, and I have been in some kind of state of depression since the age of 12. I feel like there's no way out, there's no light at the end of this dark tunnel that I am in, and I feel like nobody understands. Why is it that I get stuck in the 1 or 2 % of the population that suffers from chronic depression?? Why is it that just like who_am_i , the sight of happiness and success and laughter and bright intelligent youth who are witty and joyful just gets me down? I try to change my thinking, at least I think i'm trying, but obviously no matter how much I try, i'm still stuck in the same mental rut. Paranoia is my best friend when i'm around people, and I take everything that people say about me negatively and as a result become increasingly anti social and withdrawn, my self confidence is in the negative numbers, I think that i'm a good person at heart, good but absolutely mentally insane, and consequently do not even try to have relationships or show interest in girls because I know that once they truly got to know how up I am, they would drop me like a bad habit. I am my own worst enemy: people tell me that I have to take control of my life and then clench their fingers at me as if to inspire some notion of phsyically grasping your thoughts and fixing them with your bare hands. I wish it was that easy. Sure I have some happy moments, they are rare and sporadic, and sometimes when I think I have a handle on my depression, it slips away the next second. I wish life could stand still, I long for sleep... Sleep is my favorite activity. I would rather sleep than interact with people, because socializing ends up in bad feelings, frustration that I can't be normal and fucntion mentally, and a chilling self-realization. If I am idle all the time at age 20, have little or no emotion, freak out at small changes in my life, wan't time to stop moving forward, and hate every inch of my body, mind, and soul, then where am I going to end up 10 years from now? What created me this way and how is it that a person gets to feeling the way I am feeling? I don't think there's any way out, and I don't think I was built to survive the human world...I should be some kind of plant or sea creature.. A life of sheer misery, gloom, depression, and mental isolation is no way to live, which is why I have suicidal ideation from time to time...I go to sleep hoping that I don't wake up, hoping that the next day won't come for me to face and struggle through. I used to cry sometimes out of self-pity and shame that I can't be happy with all the things I have, a supportive mother and grandparents, a college education, a relatively healthy body (although I have serious body image problems, I stare at myself in the mirror for hours each day.. Trying to contort my face in different ways to make it look better).. But I realize that's just a waste of time. My accomplishments measure up to nothing compared to others... I am a joke, and people treat me accordingly. These are the thoughts that fill my empty head.. And prevent memories from forming (my memory is horrible and I can't even speak because I don't talk enough.. Plus I hate my mouth and my smile and my f(*)* ugly face I hate being the center of attention.. I am completely worthless). Day after day drags on and I am oblivious to recent news, new music, worldly events, family birthdays, homework assignments. Hence my name spacecadet... That is what I am most of the time. I sleepwalk when a I am awake, and smile when I sleep. I wake up only to hit my alarm and fall back asleep, hoping that the next 10 minutes will drag on for eternity allowing me to dwell in my surreal dream-state of existence indefinitely. Oh that would be so cool.....But for know I remain hidden behind my veil...Gloomily awaiting the future, hoping it ends soon. Any thoughts?

Depression is a chemical imbalance. Go to the doctor and get an anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety. Even if you hate taking pills like I do, at least try it and see what happens. Also, counseling might help with your self-image issues. We all look different and thank god that we do. Otherwise, this would be one boring world. Concentrate on the inside and who knows what will happen on the outside.

I hope and pray that you will take some action and get the help you need. We all need help at one time or the other and the faster we look for it, the faster we find it.

God bless...
Carol

Im 16 now and feel like a failure I used to be depressed 1 and a half years ago and I was rushed back into life without recovering from it if ur still there could we chat and talk to each other often and try and help each other I will check this post soon... I am on the brink of becoming heavily depressed again and all the signs are there. I hope u are still there and u havent made the choice to end it all yet. You cannot believe how close ur story fits into mine and I have felt like this for ages. Would like to talk to someone if u are willing plz reply to my message

You have been given some pretty good advice here and the rest is upto you.
My opinion is is that if you feel that if you are smart enough you should think about taking the or be eligible for you .G.E.D. You might try some anti-depressent medication either by prescription or herbal/ natural meds. It is not too late for you but you do need to take that word "hate" out of your vocabulary as all it does is to eat you up inside. There is also continuation school for those who do drop out and who are not ready for their ged. You are not a failure! You might find a counselor there to talk to that can help you and your parents will probably help if you ask them!
Good luck!
Be positive!
We want to hear from you!

Maybe cbt or cognitive behavioural therapy may help

it helped me to have a more positive outlook on life talk to your gp about being referred

wb