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pinksalter Experienced User
January 4th, 2006
Hi

i`m am having severe difficulty with my boyfriend and I don`t know what to do. I`ll give a quick run down of what has happened and I would be really greatful if anyone could share their opinions on the matter.

Last year I became ill with a virus which lead to an anxiety disorder, I was having really bad panic attacks. I have since got better but not fully over everything, still seeing a counsellor and have mild anxiety. During my illness my bf wasn`t very supportive he practically said theres nothing wrong with you its all in your head. It kind of made me think I didn`t need him to understand it but just support me.

I`m still quite weak from my illness and I can`t do all the things I used to but things have got worse between us. Everything seems to grow into a fight, he makes nasty comments and tries to make me feel guilty about things. I am on medication and I don`t know if that is causing part of the problem but I don`t want to kiss him let alone sex. I have no sex drive but I do have feelings for other people.

I recently found out, a guy I used to see and still like, has a new girlfriend and it felt like a punch in the stomach. I was quite upset. That isn`t right considering i`m supposed to be in a relationship.

Is it time to let go or should I try a bit longer. I can`t change the fact that I am not as fit as I used to be and the illness has taken its toll but how am I supposed to keep my boyfriend happy at the same time.

Please help!!!!!!

Debs x
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tennisgal13
replied August 21st, 2009
Hmmm...well a few years back I was having real issues with my health and it resulted in some extreme depression. I was dating my ex at the time. I finally got over my depression, but strangely enough it really only went away after we broke up. I now am in an amazing relationship-I still have the health problems maybe even some more severe and strange. This time around though, I have a guy who does back me up and just gives support. What you may not realize is that your guy is causing even more stress-which is obviously not what you need right now. So I would sit down with him and explain that this is something I don't understand nor can help but I'm doing the right thing by continuing to take the medication and seeing the consuelor. Believe me if he's worth it he'll stay! Just make sure to really open up and tell him how you feel about it and the way he's handled the situation too. Good Luck! Smile
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starship33
replied August 28th, 2009
Supporter
it's hard being with someone that isnt supportive to you. your fighting a lot and he is accusatory. sit down and write the pros and the cons, if there is more cons then you need to dump him.
you said something about making your boyfriend happy, what about what makes you happy. you dont need his nasty attitude.
my medication destroyed my sex drive but my b/f is so wonderful all he has to do is just touch me to get me in the mood. if your b/f was loving and supportive you body may respond to him that way.
you mentioned your weight, just try your best to eat right with fruits and vegetables.
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mikko
replied September 1st, 2009
Sounds like it might be time to consider letting go.....
He might be unhappy about the fact that you're not having sex or have lost interest in him. But really, the most important thing above all is that he should be showing signs of attentiveness and support. He might not be quite mature yet because he's thinking about himself more than about you. It's almost as if him being in your life at the moment is just making your recovery more difficult!
Why don't you break up and try to get well without him adding stress to your life? Maybe he is with you because you don't want to be alone. You might have to learn to be alone to get well again and if you are eyeing someone else, maybe your subconscious is saying that you would like someone other than this boyfriend that's not really meeting your needs. You wont be alone forever if you breakup but you do need time to get well and you wont heal if you are stressed. This boyfriend is too stressful. Life can still be fun and interesting without a boyfriend. At least give yourself some time. Good luck!
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