Been there, done that....... was wondering if you have ever acted on any of these 'fantisies'? I know that I have in the past, and has never gotten me anywhere. I guess it's the love we crave....And know that you are loved. The feelings of worthlessness that can over come our minds is unreal, but keep in mind, they are just thoughts, and you control who you really are and what you actually do do. Yes, I would say that you are feeling depressed. Dont we all.... But know that there are many others like that out here and that you are never alone. We love you and hope that nothing bad that passes thru your head will become reality..... God bless and take care of yourself.....

Yes dear, this definately sounds like depression. But it will be o.K. Just try to think happy thoughts and realise that you have plenty of time for your life to "go somewhere" this is hard, trust me I know. Every year that goes by I am more and more convinced that I will never be married or have that dream career or that beautiful home. But I try really hard to block those thoughts out. As long as you still have your dreams, you will be o.K. It is when you lose your dreams that you are in trouble!! I hope you feel better. And your family does love you. Try to meet some new people and get some friends who understand you. It doesn't matter if they are in the right "crowd" crowds are for high school, but a good friend is definately forever. You need someone to talk to. And you know, one good friend is better then 100 half

Yes, I think you do need help.

What sort of relationship, communication wise, do you have with your parents? Could/would you talk to them? Is there anyone you can talk to? Because you do need someone to talk to & help you find the right help.

All too often when a young person is depressed or anxious, people either ignore/decide you're on drugs or misdiagnose as happened to my daughter (15) this year.

There are some things that I think might help but I don't have enough information about why? You feel like this, when & if you know why it all started? What other (if any) negative feelings/behaviours you have? Do any other family members suffer depression/anxiety etc? What if any activities/interests do you have outside school? Some of these may seem silly but it helps build up a picture of you & what/who might help.

Email me off forum if you prefer but i'll get the message on forum & I will reply as soon as possible - if it's more than a week email me & tell me off for taking so long!!

When my daughter was at her lowest (we came close to losing her & at the same time she came close to losing her mind) I asked her to do me one favour "smile" she did, & then I asked her if she had felt better when she smiled & she looked at me sort of stunned & said "yes" & that is true, a smile even when you force it helps you feel better. So please try & do me a favour, each time you look in a mirror "smile"(it doesn't have to be a big one that everyone sees & comments on) & see if you don't feel just abit better.

Thank you so much for caring enough to respond.

I guess you could call what I have "closet" depression. All outsiders would probably say I am one of the happiest people they know, which I get a lot. My depression is not anything that can be seen from the outside. It is a deep-seated emotion that has formed over years of separation from meaningful relationships that I have learned to cover up. I am involved in many activities, but my most important hobby is choir. If I could give an answer to the cause of this problem I would, but i've been racking my brain and still have come up with no definite cause. My best guess...The root cause is low self-esteem which stops me from making friends and then eventually forces upon me bitter lonliness. The cause of my low-self esteem...My guess is that it is the result of years of submission to my brother and sister who habitually disregard my point of view and emotions, and believe me to be just their little sister. Don't get me wrong my family is perhaps one of the closest, and we have a lot of fun together.

Meanwhile, have no fear. I am in no danger of hurting myself, but I am afraid that if not stopped this could escalate out of control and into a dangerous problem.

Rachel,

some of what you say sounds so like my daughter, everyone thinks/sees her as happy, extremely self-confident, laidback & so forth (her psychiatrist said this to me only a couple of weeks ago then I raised a subject that I knew would upset her & she just fell apart in front of his eyes, you could see he was stunned, but then we told him that through the ordeal of misdiagnosis etc this year she had not been able to keep up the "front" at home anymore & that she had started seeing that she felt guilty about sooooooooo much even stuff that had nothing to do with her, that she felt like a failure etc & so he was then better equipped to help her). No meds unless you count a morning walk, mineral water to replace the sodium & potassium she loses in this heat (100 the last few days) & a supplement called 5htp which is what tryptophan becomes when converted by our bodies & which helps us destress but when stress overload occurs the body fails to deliver enough hence the supplement, which is available on-line.

My daughter will be 16 in may, we live in australia but she sat the sat1 test & scored 710 verbal & 580 math overall 96th percentile internationally, as a result she is skipping another year of school (the last of high school) & going straight to university instead - she's won singing/dancing comps etc etc & basically taught herself italian (we're not of italian background) to get 92 in her final exam. Yet she thinks she's a failure & feels guilty.

I suspect that you can relate to some/alot? Of this which is why i'm telling you, because you are not alone!! She is getting better & you can too!!
However you can't do it alone, you need some professional help - so try getting your parents alone!!!! No siblings & well it might be easier to write them a letter telling them how you feel & asking them to help you, perhaps show them some or all of these posts. You know what you feel is right for you. But there is help & you will get better - but sometimes good things take abit longer than we'd like.

Please do me that favour I sked last time - smile :d :p ok!!

Jenfedswit I can understand were your coming from I have acted on one of ny fantasis and you know what it didn't turn out the way I thought I thibk fantasties are just that and should stay so bit to be actes out it will never work.