Everyone has sh*tty days that just get to be too much.

I cried once earlier this year and hadn't cried for at least 10 years prior to that--so I dunno about that one.

I do go and work out *rather* vigorously when I recognize my stress levels rising. I haven't broken anything because I just think that is too darned wasteful and I don't want to spend money twice.

Everyone despairs periodically. Would lamictal be indicated for your form of bipolar? It tempers my husband considerably and gets his bipolar raging under wraps. Then he gets all borderline on us and throws all good memories out the window when he sets something on fire, or calls our 12 year old daughter something obscene. Let's hear it for therapy. She now blows him off--doesn't believe him when he says she is (loved, pretty, talented, evil incarnate, a prostitute, etc.) anything at all.

Are you okay today? Have you figured out what was tripping your triggers and how to work around it? Journaling is good stuff!

Happy new year!

No I feel no better today, im not using my friends laptop cause mine has broke and im going to have to get it repaired
i cut my arms and got a huge bruise on my head from banging it on the wall. I feel despair the depression wont leave me I just want it to go away

Firefly09, first and foremost find help immediately. I used to use self-mutilation as a way of dealing with issues and I have not done so for 3 years. I know it's a scary process but most fear the unknown so it's normal. Seeking help is not a bad thing or a personality flaw. As for your rage, it's part of the illness, usually the manic phases. I too deal with this but I have my bipolar under wraps for the most part and know when i'm going into a rage. You know how many holes i've punched in walls and things i've broken...Too many to count. I've sought psychiatric help in both forms of hospitalization and talk therapy. They have helped me extremely. Also, you said you were depressed moreso now than previously. Perhaps this is because your medication needs upped or changed completely. For your sake and the sake of your loved ones, seek help or at least be honest with a doctor. Know you are not alone nor is it a flaw in who you are. It's mental illness and it's nothing you can control or to be shameful of. The use of medications, if the right ones are used will help ease the symptoms as well as seeking a therapist to talk to. Take care and the best to you.