Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

I'm Ugly And Will Always Be Alone (Page 1)

Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....
I truly believe I am a failure with finding a gf because I am ugly.
About me: i'm 6',36,swm never had a serious gf, receding hairline but not bald, quiet but sociable, intelligent and slender. However, my face is ugly. I have no cheeks and ugly features in general. I look slavik, as i've been told.
I have emailed hundreds of women online with the ability to engage their interest. However, as soon as I email them a pic of myself, they never respond back. This proves my appearance is a turnoff! The picture is also the best and most accurate I can send. I've tried various pics and the one I send is in the best lighting, best appearance I could get of myself. I can email it to you for honest feedback if you'd like. Anyway, i've posted a picture personals online with match.Com and emailed literally 100s of women with no response or a negative one. Apart from online, in day to day living, women have no interest in me. My failure with women has gotten me very depressed and wishing to kill myself. However, I can't even do that because my mom is still alive and very attached to me, so I don't have the heart to do that to her - I have to continue living this lonely life. I was just wondering if anyone could give me honest advice on how to accept the fact that I am ugly and will never marry. I know this sounds sad, but I also know as I approach age 36 that it is going to be a reality. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper blue_shadow
|

replied December 31st, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
Hi Steve I Sent U a Priv. Message
Did u received it?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 7th, 2011
solutions are = 1 ,listing to metal music [symphonic,death,..] 2, living in deja vu. 3, be a buddhist monk.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 31st, 2005
Hey
this might sound dumb coming from an 18 yr old, but I wanted to let you know that not evrey one was meant to look lika a super model or anything lik that. You shouldnt put yourself down sooo much if those women have hav turned you down jus becauswse of you appaerance are shallow and selfish. You need to see the good thingws about your self. See about 1 1/2 I tried to kill myself might sound stupid but I guess thats what happend. I know what was so bad. I cant even really point out a specific thing but it all drove me to that choice. I cant compare but I jus wanted to tell you thats not the way to go. I was under pressure and everyone picked on me for 1 thing or other. I jus couldnt take goin to school. I cant believe I put my family threw that.
Okay to my next point in therapy they made me write down a list of things I liked about myself and encourage them. I had to make a weekly goal list like to make a new friend or to cry one night less(like in the movies I used 2 cry myself 2 sleep). At 1st I thought wow this was incredibly ridiculous I dont like myself what could I find,but I notice inner features I had that made me a stronger person. You can find that person out there if you your self believe in you and dont rely on what others think baut you. You know things might look bad but dont let them tower you down. Pull yous self thru it. You can do it !!! All you need is a few good friends to keep you company, dont forget that youll always hav your family. Dont worry that person for you is out there shes just hiding right now shes playhing hard to get :lol:. Hopefully this helps you a little or some. I didnt know how to write it private but I wanted to tell you that your no alone. I wish you the best and happy new year.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 1st, 2006
Hi steve

i used to and sometimes still feel like you are. I was always used to think that I was too ugly that no one would ever be interested in me. Then I met this great lad who was interested in me so it just shows that someone may fancy us all we need to do is keep looking. It shows that your self-esteem is really down, my friends always used to tell me to write a list of all of the qualities that are good about you then get your friends to do the same. Not everyone goes for looks, just try and keep your head up and enjoy yourself then people will see the great you.
I hope you have a happy new year. X
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 1st, 2006
Keep Your Head Up
Well I know how u feel. About feeling ugly and no one wants of the other sex wants you. I never had boyfriends when I was in school. I was always teased and told I was ugly. You know how kids can be. I was not pretty and I had thick glasses after highschool I got contacts but still didnt get attention from the other sex. So what I did was I prayed to god and asked for him to please find me a boyfriend. Well funny thing is I worked with a guy that didnt like me made nasty comments to me or about me. Well one day I was snide and said so do I look better now that I have contacts and he said yes! And that started a conversation that led to him asking me out. And now we have been married 13yrs. So dont give up!! I know lots of people dont want to hear it but go to the lord. Pray to him ask him for help. He will answer your prayers have faith in him there is a song that u could listen to it makes me feel better in bad times. Its by casting crowns its called
the voice of truth. Its about how the world brings u down but just listen to the voice of truth (god) and you will know everthing will be ok. Check it out im sure you may like it actually the whole cd is great .
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 2nd, 2006
Oi
Those chicks are idiots if there going to judge someone by there looks alone, you dont want a chick like that!!
Some people dont find there true love until there 60!
Keep your head up, dont let some chicks (probally fakes) get you down.
You've probally got a beautiful personality and thats what counts!
You dont wanna be "hot" anyways! Most hot guys are so stuck up!
I actualy find hot guys a turn off!
Trust me, there are good ones out there!
Dont ever let someone make you upset, they aint worth it.
Keep smilin!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 2nd, 2006
Outer Appearance
Hello steve. I have never dated, and I am 28 years old. All my life I have always felt that I am physically unattractive. However, I try to work on my inside because really that is what counts in this life and the next one. I do not view relationships or marriages as the only fulfillments in this world. I am pretty sure that I will never marry, but that does not bother me one bit. Get involved in something you really like or use your talents. If it is meant for you to be married, one day you will meet the right person. Believe it or not there are some people out there who are not shallow about physical appearances. Do not feel that you are the only person who is alone or unmarried because there are plenty of us out there. You just need to realize that alone does not mean loser; it's what you do with your time that counts. I hope this helps.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank Jenny77 for this post: Dark 

replied January 3rd, 2006
I know this will sound cliche, but remember that cliches also ring with truth. Our character is what makes us human and sets us apart. I envy those who exude confidence, showing that they are comfortable with who they are regardless of their attrativeness because I myself am not comfortable with myself, although I don't have any problems with my outer appearance. I've often thought that I would trade a limb or other physical deficiency if only I could make peace with myself according to ability, intellect, talent, etc. My attitude is the exact opposite of yours, and yes i've gotten so low at times that I would fall in love with the idea of suicide.

The cure to our sickness is a matter of acceptance. If everyone accepted your "ugliness" than you would probably have more luck with women as a direct result. But we all know that the world doesn't work that way. So the accepting will have to be done by you; accepting yourself. Remember that attractiveness is a two fold entity, and so are relationships for that matter. Outer appearance and inner qualities compliment each other and a quality relationship may initially form by either. It seems that everywhere you look, good looking people get together and "ugly" people get together. But these attractive people only happen to last because they have grown to love each other inside and out. I've known people including mysef who have foolishly tried to save a dysfunctional relationship because they could not give up their "trophy" partner, even though it was the cause of so much emotional pain.

There are only two ways that you can attract another person from the get go; physically and mentally/emotionally. Consider these as weapons in catching your prey; your best being your mental "weapons". Once you've established a mental attraction, just know that the potential for a relationship sparked in this way, is limitless. And then you will begin to look even more attractive on the outside because it becomes representitave of the real you.

You see, everyone deserves to be loved. Some people have the advantage of being able to initiate many relationships at will. But they often aren't happy in the end because they're only concerned about outer beauty. There is a difference between quality and quantity. The advantage you have is qualitative, because once you meet someone out of mental attraction, you'll know you've bagged someone worth holding onto. A relationship formed in this is far more promising than the other.

So try not to worry about how few relationships you are able to form. Instead, when you do meet someone (which i'm sure you will) make sure you realize what's really important. Also, just know that there are tons of people that would like to trade shoes with you. Our problems are as unique as ourselves,and while you may think you want to look like someone else, think again. There is no one else in the universe who is the same as you. Cherish your identity. I'm still finding mine.

Good luck
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank Oedipus for this post: pokopiku 

replied May 13th, 2011
I am new to this, I have had 2 long term relationships, had 3 children from the first, but unfortunatly both have broken up dew to affaires, I have grown up feeling ugly since childhood, people tell me i am not ugly yet i look in the mirror or see photos of myself and feel sickened by my appearence, i do believe myself to be horrible, despite previous partners telling me otherwise, i always seem to be the envy of womanisers who steal everything i have had, yet i look at them and they are in new lifes with new women and yet i sit year a year down the line with no one but me, why is this so unfare?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 13th, 2011
I am new to this, I have had 2 long term relationships, had 3 children from the first, but unfortunatly both have broken up dew to affaires, I have grown up feeling ugly since childhood, people tell me i am not ugly yet i look in the mirror or see photos of myself and feel sickened by my appearence, i do believe myself to be horrible, despite previous partners telling me otherwise, i always seem to be the envy of womanisers who steal everything i have had, yet i look at them and they are in new lifes with new women and yet i sit year a year down the line with no one but me, why is this so unfare?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 13th, 2011
I am new to this, I have had 2 long term relationships, had 3 children from the first, but unfortunatly both have broken up dew to affaires, I have grown up feeling ugly since childhood, people tell me i am not ugly yet i look in the mirror or see photos of myself and feel sickened by my appearence, i do believe myself to be horrible, despite previous partners telling me otherwise, i always seem to be the envy of womanisers who steal everything i have had, yet i look at them and they are in new lifes with new women and yet i sit year a year down the line with no one but me, why is this so unfare?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 5th, 2006
Experienced User
Man im ugly as !**@! and I still have girls wanting to go with me. I pulled all the girls ive ever had from my personaltiy. U gotta be funny and act like u just dont care what people think about u
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 13th, 2006
Experienced User
Ugly Yet Fine.
Steve, beauty is always from the inside. You may be as handsome as rio ferdinand (manchester united) but have an attitude problem like wayne rooney (manchester united).

Yr personality counts more than yr face. Somewhere someone is studying you and appreciating what you do - with time, you will hook up.

Yr present mind state will wreck yr view of life cuz that is low esteem. Wake up man and be upbeat.

Sam
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 31st, 2006
I'm Ugly!
Hey! I'm 18 years old and i've never even had agirlfriend. I know i'm ugly because everyone since freakin 7th grade has told me so. But I don't care anymore. Screw it. I don't care if a girl ever likes me or any of that. I'll be alone. Who cares?


You should feel the same.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank Justinbond for this post: serhat 

replied May 7th, 2011
I'm same way with you guys. I AGREE WITH YOU... and i crush that feelings from listen to some rough music [symphonic metal,heavy metal...not rap,]. but i never let it to damage my soul. i am pure and not crazy,more than some good looking peoples. listen buddy,, we can do some ultimate works, you can find it from your inside.....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 5th, 2006
(possibly Controvertial) Advice
I am going to try and give you (what I consider to be) useful, as oppose to consolitory, advice. Appologies if it comes of as harsh or uncaring -- that is not my intent. I personally believe that it's better to acknowledge the negative, and then head towards the positive than getting caught up in trying to dismiss the negative directly. This is a map that worked for me:-

i, too, am a bloke who has been hit with the ugly stick. I'm going to be controvential and tell you that: yes, you are probably are ugly -- if that many women online turn you down, probably the pictures are putting women off. Since a very lonely adolescence I have, however, managed to turn things around get together with a few women so maybe I can give you some pointers. I really am quite ugly. I was told regularly as an adolescent. It is demonstrated to me regularly now (i'm 22).

First of all: contrary to your belief, women do not rate looks as very important. And what they mean by looks actually means: confidence, dress sense, the way you carry yourself and a lot of other things. Using the internet personals is a bad idea beacause:
a) you are judged largely on your simple visual appearance. You could probably be perceived as much more attractive in person, as a dynamic entity.
B) men outnumbered women significantly (up to 10-1) on those things (despite the sites taking labours to hide that fact), so the women are looking to veto you on whatever they can. You have managed to find the worst possible audience in my opinion.

The vast majority of relationships I know of came about through meeting socially, i.E. Through mutual friends. People like us benefit from presenting ourselves as ambigous between friend/lover initially. (do not act asexual though; and beware of befriending in the hope of making a gf later). Social occassions do this perfectly. This is probably where your future girlfriend will come from. If you want more opportunities (and I suggest you do), then join lots of clubs, societies, learn salsa, whatever -- just get out there and interact.

Once you've met socially, looks fall even further down the list. It's really down to personality. Honestly. One woman I got together with was model beautiful. I got her largely because I had something in common with her: we were both socially ostracized in our own ways. Her because nearly all women were envious, and men couldn't see past her beauty and treat her like a human being; and I was ostracized because of looks/being a bit wierd. I could relate to her experience better than the vast majority of (more attractive) guys.

Part of it is belief. If you think of yourself as unattractive, then people will see you as unattractive. It will be projected in your body language. So you need to either: 1) stop thinking of yourself as unattractive; or 2) realize that looks really don't matter as much as you think.

And a final note: i'm guessing that if you think looks matter to girls that's probably a reflection of looks in girls mattering to you. If you really search your soul, you will probably realize that looks matter to you to a significant extent because you want your peers' approval of your choice of mate. I think the same is true, or even more true, of women. Realizing your own bias, if you have it, may open doors for you -- do you really care what your peers think? Also, use this information will tell you that targetting women who are away from their friends will be profitable. You will get a fairer shot. So, again, consider clubs and societies carefully, and lone women whenever you happen to bump into. (once you're off the starting square in the relationship the peer factor will become successively less important).

Good luck! Try to see the positive, and focus on what you can change (your attitudes, dress sense, etc.) rather on what you can't. When looks don't matter to you they will, by reflection, cease to matter to the women you are interested in either. Also dispell any belief you have in a woman being "out of your league"; there is no such thing.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 6th, 2006
More Advice
I agree with a lot of what epip says.

I think though, you need to challenge some of the thoughts you've demonstrated in that 1 post.

You're 36 and you say you've never had a serious girlfriend, but all of a sudden your life depends on finding someone to fend off 'loneliness'? Remember the good times in life, your 21st birthday, passing your driving test, successes at work, all the good times you've had.. You did all that without a girlfriend, you are therefore capable of being happy without someone being there.

I think you need to challenge the fact that meeting someone and marriage is going to be a cure to whatever you think is wrong in your life, speak to people that are married, you will hear a different story from some people... The loss of freedom, independence etc...

You're still a young man at 36 forget how you perceive yourself to be, enjoy your life for what it is, if you're happy and pleasant to be around, you stand a brilliant percentage chance of meeting someone, and you won't even have to send a hundred emails.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 6th, 2006
Don't Let It Bring You Down!!
Hi steve I want to first tell you no matter what happens in life never think of killing yourself god will never forgive you for that. I think no matter how a person looks we should all be accepted in this world. Everyone is not going to look like a million dollars some people may feel that they are the best looking but sometimes that's life. God made you the way you are for a purpose. You are not put on this earth to impress anyone but god and yourself. No matter what you say everyone is special in god's eyes. You may not get a compliment on how you look all the time or maybe never but don't let it bother you. Rememeber one thing sometimes it is depressing to feel alone but if you have your family and god then you are never alone. There is someone out there for you trust me it is someone for everyone. You may not find anyone now but give it time.Just rememeber you came into the world by yourself and that's how you leave. Remember there are worst situations in the world not saying that yours isn't important.Don't let looks make you or break you because in the end you can only make yourself happy!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 19th, 2006
Me and you share a similar problem. However, I used to be the exact opposite and used to hook up with girls at will, however, I am convinced i've lost my good looks just as much as your'e convinced. . And I too, am an ugly person, it's taken a lot of convincing, but I have finally aceepted it, and it was a hard crash for me. My social life is almost non existant, my phone dont ring hardly at all. Nobody wants to know how im doing, and sometimes it gets to me. At social events, girls just look right past me and over to the next guy. I have accepted it.

Here is what I do, and maybe this might help you, .... Let me know....

I take advantage of this "free time" by exercising my mind, my body, and my future. Let me explain
1) I read at least 1 hour a day anything, no matter what it is. I try to learn new information daily.
2) and there is no remedy in the world like working out. I'm not great looking, but my body is almost up there with the best of them, and I get recognition for that in the gym, by guys and girls. It's an ego booster, and when i'm really stressed out, I just release my anger at the bench press, and it makes you push harder, thus get bigger.
I would suggest to you to start working out, and since your single, spend an hour or two a day in the gym. !**@!, if no ones gonna call me to hang out, I might as well try to get buff.
And finally, use this opportunity to focus on a career, focus on your future financially, and since your not that great looking, bury yourself in the books and educate yourself or take classes in order to achieve success financially. In the end, you will be more attractive as an achiever, and after all, those are the type of girls you want to attract.
Let me know what you think.
here's a comparison... You landed yourself in jail, and have to serve a 2 year sentence. Theres no way your going to get laid for 2 years. Wont you spend that time improving everything about you? Or just sit around and mope?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 26th, 2006
Experienced User
Are women everything in life?
Dont feel down about not being able to find the right woman the right one has to come along sometime I am male and hetrosexual but when I read what u wrote I noticed that there is a beautiful person inside of u. I am sorry that the world is caught up with looks I myself try not to go based on looks and have had many more sucessful gf doing so based just on personalities

what u need to do is concentrate on women seeing what you feelings are like on the inside and there bound to fall for u you sound like a really caring nice bloke who just needs someone to share your life with they will come along concentrating on opening up to women letting them see the real you. You should try and see someone about that if u dont feel confident opening up to women. I hope it all works itself out for u
stay positive gavin
right back
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 26th, 2006
Re: I'm Ugly And Will Always Be Alone
Hello, please send me your pic and I will honestly tell you how I think you look. I have the same problem thinking i'm ugly but I will send you my pic. Too. Let me know, thanks.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 27th, 2006
Hey steve, I feel just as alone and depressed as you. My thing is i'm not really a terrible looking guy, just kind of average joe-ish. Not to big, not to small. Not great looking but not bad looking. Just the typical looking guy. It's just i've never had any luck with women at all. I do mean at all. No kiss, no dates, no nothing, and i'm 22 now. I do feel like it's pointless to ever consider a girlfriend because it's just automatic that nothing ever happens, and the one girl that has actually seemingly really showed intrest in me and thought I might actually have a chance with, turned out to have no intrest in me and now every time I see her it's terribly akward. And this was really heartbreaking for me. I mean this girl was pretty perfect for me, but I ask her out and she never actually said no, just sort of danced around it and she's always avoiding me now. It's just a bad situation now and any chance I had with her is over because if she wanted a date with me, she'd be going on it and not avoiding me like the plague.

And I think me being so lonely also leads to my severe mood swings. I'm not always depressed but I can go from content to some of the lowest lows and pissed off highs you'd ever see. Just two days ago I cried into my pillow for 15 minutes or so for no particular reason other than i'm just always alone, I mean I have my family but you really want something more. If I didn't have my family I would of killed myself long ago. It would be to lonely to go on.

So steve you want to talk ever just pm me. Maybe our current views on life can take out some of the darkness and let some light shine.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 28th, 2006
Hi all I want to say is beauty comes from within.If you have a good sense of humour and can make a girl laugh you are 9 tenths of the way there sweetheart.Dont be so hard on yourself .
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 28th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
You Are Not Ugly!
I realize this post started out quie a while ago but I too think it shoud continue that is why I am adding on to it. Now, if you are charles manson, I would agree that you are ugly as he is ugly within, some of the garbage that he has pulled or has started. I agree with alot of the other posters, beauty is within! And posting you picture on the internet is not always the wisest thing to do. I do not believe that you are ugly!
I was born with a birthmark I was tall and heavy a lot of my childhood and people can be cruel, I was really upset one day when a kid asked me what was on my face and the parent grabbed the child and told the child not to be asking questions like that, I felt the adult was acting more immature than the child as I realize that kids are going to ask and when I grew up I learned how cruel kids could be but it just taught me to be a little bit tougher.
Iknew a lady one time that her brother threw her doll in the fireplace and she went in to get it and had burns all over her body including her hands and legs and face but was the nicest person that their could be and she could really make you laugh! So we have to learn to be thankful for what we do have as their are those that are alot worse off than we are. If you ever feel that you might need some help with this discuss this with your Dr., and remember that we are here too and that you are not alone. I would rather be single and happy than be miserably with someone. Sometimes you might find that help at the end of your arm.
All the best to you!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Tags: email
Quick Reply