I Havent Got the Energy Anymore

Hi, I cant even be bothered to write this, cos my thoughts are way to deep to put into words. I cant / havent got the exitment in me to live any more, nothing or noone is gunna change how I feel.
Ive had 4 blood tests cos I feel ill every week, im enimic, and I cant be arsed to fight any more infections. Im fat, I wanna be skinny I wanna be anorexic, I tried for a child but I couldnt get pregnant, I tried with the good job, I tried it aint 4 me. I got a house, I found a love, I found a step child, I have it allll but it aint doing !**@! all 4 me. I need to get out.
Give me words, songs, lyrics, poems, pictures and ill relate. But give me a human and it !**@! me up, big crowds, partys,no no no.
Booze, weed and drugs on my own in my car with my thoughts sitting on the edge of the world watching the tiny un important lives being lived is where I belong. Not now but never. Ha ha