Hey,

when I fast little the eye doctor advised me to follow a few sessions at an orthoptist to learn how to use both eyes simulatenously. Presumably my eyes weren't drastic enough to proceede instant eye correction through surgery. So I did, untill about the age of 8 I think.

The next following years I didn't have that much trouble with my eyes. I could see well without my eyes wandering off too much. Yet, when I was around 16 I started having this feeling my eyes were changing. I noticed my left eye was moving inwards alot when I looked at things. I began to have trouble fixating my eyes on a certain objects, I began to have constant headachs every day and at that time I didn't know why. I couldn't look peoples in the eyes, not of shyness, but because it hurted so much. I was actually kind of shy telling my parents about this and i've only told them this year. I didn't tell them earlier, because I was insecure of myself, and I didn't exactly know what the problem with my eyes was.

A few times we went back to the eye doctor for a check up, and all the time he told me I just needed different glasses. Couldn't he have just seen what was wrong with me? Maybe if he observed better he could have spared alot of akward years.This is the same eye doctor who advised me not to have surgery when I was little, so I kind of blame him for some of it. ( if that even makes sense).

Well...I'm 18 now, starting my life as an adult, but I have so much trouble begining my journey when I feel so limited in life, and abondonned by these eyes. I started college in september, went for a month, but I could hardly concentrate and adapt to my surroundings. I stopped going after a month, because I felt so unhappy and pessimistic. I had trouble studying and concentrating, because I couldn't focuss on anything else but my eyes. And still can't...

I finally broke down and told my older brother about the problem I was having all these years, and why I felt bad about myself, and life and cried it out on his shoulder. He then told my mother. I told my mom that the reason why I was down when I came out of school was because of my eyes, and not because I didn't like going to school. I practically also shut off my social life, though I still had friends at school, I just didn't go out anywhere with them after school. It's like no one seemed to know what was wrong with me, because I was too sealed.

So...In november I went to a few orthoptists to see if I could reactivate a nerve to use both of my eyes together. Those tests didn't work well, and they only gave me headachs (you know those kind of tests right?). It also appeared I actually only use one eye when I look (which would explain why the other eye doesn't stay in the center). This is a thing my eye doctor never told me, and I really angers me off that a man of his status didn't know or care to tell me about it!

After these failed attempts I was adviced to go to a doctor who's an expert on strabismus. Thus, I went there asap( don't you just hate waiting so long for something so important? I know I do.) after I think 2 visits, they also confirmed that correcting or 'improving' my eyes through orthoptistic exercises wouldn't help. Then the docor ( it's a she by the way) gave me prisms for one glass as a test to see if an operation would work. But I had a lot of trouble seeing good with it. It felt weird, and gave me headachs, and normally you should feel comfortable with them. I was really ticked off, because I hoped this would work, but it made me feel more akward.

At the moment i've blocked my left eye's glasses so I don't have shitty headachs when I watch tv and stuff. It looks kinda stupid, and it doesn't feel very comfortable, but atleast it makes feel a bit better. What hurts me, is that i'm not unatractive in the least and my eye problem is holding me back from enjoying my life, going out, dating, studying etc.

I know it will be nigh on impossible to have two perfect eyes, but I just want a stable social life you know. I want to look peoples in the eyes without it hurting, or feeling embarrassed. This is holding me back. I wish I could just have a cosmetic surgery on my left eye ( it's the one that goes inwards alot) so that it just appears normally, even though i'm actually looking with one eye mostly.

Anyone relate to this? Can anyone help me out? Anyone have any tips?

I really needed to get this of my chest! Thanks.