Anxiety and Stress Forum - Do I Have Social Anxiety?

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Q: Do I Have Social Anxiety?

asked by: Cambion on December 29th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

For most of my life, I have been rather unsocial. In high school, I was the quiet one with the rather dark personality who kept to herself. Now that I am out of the house and in college, i'm still not social. If it's possible, i'm less social now than I was before. I don't visit anyone, I don't go to parties, and I don't speak to people. I have 2 real friends in college, one of which is dropping out because he feels he's not getting anything out of the courses. Many times I have cried out of loneliness. I have had so many people tell me to just go make friends, but they have no idea how hard that is for me.

I can't just go talk to some stranger. Even if they start talking to me, I usually say as little as possible. I don't do this on purpose - it's a natural reaction. I'm not used to being social. I don't speak to anyone in school that I don't know, which is about 99% of the student body. I don't even talk to my roommates very much.

I'm also very anxious about getting a job. I've never worked before, and the thought of getting a job is very daunting to me because it's out of the apartment...You know, it's in a social atmosphere. I know I need to work so I can have some money in my pocket for supplies (i go to an art college), food, and the bit for the occasional trip to the arcade for some ddr. But I just am too damn anxious about working because I know i'll need to interact with others. My social skills are pretty much nonexistant, so I don't know how i'd survive an interview without looking like a complete retard, or how I could pretend to be cheerful to customers to promote a positive image.

You would think being in college would give me a sense of independence, and make me more inclined to be social...But college life has actually made me more of a hermit than I was in high school, which I didn't think was possible. My life has been pretty sheltered for the past 18 years - I never even went to visit any friends from high school, with the exception of my boyfriend. I never did anything outside my house because real civilization was about 10 miles away and I never had any means of transportation.

Also, my mom never encouraged me to get out and do anything...In fact, she was more in favor of me being a homebody so she could keep an eye on me or something. I don't know...Maybe she didn't want her little baby to actually try to have a life.

I really don't want these feelings to interfere with the possibilty of me finding work. As far as the friends issue goes...Well...At some point, I probably wouldn't care less if I had no friends in college.

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do I have social anxiety? Or is it something else?

I would sincerely appreciate any thoughts on this. I know no one can diagnose me here, but have any of you had similar experiences?

Replies(13)

sad_eyes

replied on December 29th, 2005

Experienced User

Hi,

you do seem pretty socially anxious. Do you have phobias which involve a fear of talking in public, eating in public etc? Do you think that maybe you could be suffering from depression, or low self esteem too? - these can be causes of social isolation.

I am also socially anxious compared to others, but this is lessoning as I get older maybe because I chose to undertake work in an environment which involves talking to others.

It might help to visit your gp if you feel that anti-anxiety medication may be of help to you. Or a college counsellor may be able to help - by practising cognitive therapy with you or pointing you in the right direction for further help.

It can very daunting making the decision to find a job, or visiting a therapist etc - it gets better with time, and you may be glad you pushed yourself into these decisions in order to improve the quality of your future life.

Take care.

Cambion

replied on December 29th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

Hey there, sad_eyes.

To answer your questions, yes I do have a fear of talking in public, and I usually feel uncomfortable eating in public only when i'm alone. I feel as if everyone is watching me if I eat by myself in a public place. I know I suffer my bouts of depression, especially when I get lonely and cry myself to sleep. I'm in a fit of depression right now since one of my only college friends is leaving for good - i've been crying about it on and off since last night.

On a couple of occasions I tried to slit my wrists, but I didn't give myself much more than a scratch because I can't take physical pain. As far as self-esteem goes...I don't have any. I've never believed in myself or believed I could do anything. I feel i'm a failure at everything and that it will only be a matter of time before I fail out of college. I don't even know why I went to college - I know I don't belong there. I don't have the mind or the desire - I was more or less forced into college, and i'm not getting anything out of the experience.

My fear of working has gotten to a point where I have contemplated suicide as a way to escape having to actually live. I know i'll need to get a job once I graduate to start paying off my loans, and I have seriously wanted to kill myself just so I don't need to endure life.

I know, i'm a mess..

sad_eyes

replied on December 29th, 2005

Experienced User

Hi,

do you feel able to talk to a college counsellor? Or would you find it too difficult?

Do you have any positive or negative methods of coping or expressing your feelings? Do you think you need to find more effective ways of coping?

Could you maybe do some voluntary work, maybe half a day a week or something just to get used to new environments etc? What career are you thinking of going into? Have you got any ambitions such as wanting to travel etc?

Sorry if I ask so many questions!!
Take care.

Cambion

replied on December 29th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

I don't think I could easily or comfortably discuss these problems face to face with a stranger.

I have never been good at expressing my feelings, whether they are good or bad. When i'm happy, it hardly shows - I never get excited about anything and make it noticeable visually. Also, I never really show my negative emotions. I never show anger, frustration, or sadness openly.

I keep everything bottled up inside, and, if these feelings I keep bottled up are all negative, I wait until I know i'll have time alone for a while. Then I lock myself in my room and cry into my pillow for up to an hour. After I cry, I usually feel better, if I don't cry myself to sleep first.

I've never done volunteer work before. I do not really like being around people, as said, and I especially do not like children. Oh I dislike children so much, but that's another story. I don't know if I would find volunteering appealing.

As far as my career goes, if I live long enough to pursue one :? , i'm honestly on the fence at this point. I'm in college majoring in game design, but it's not really what I want to do. Honestly, the thought of having to interact with a big group of people makes the career look very unappealing.

I'll admit to this too - i'm not a team player. I don't conform well in groups. I am very accustomed to doing everything on my own. I just can't work well with others in a group.

The career I wish to pursue, assuming I have the talent, is comic book art. I wish to write and draw my own comics, with only the publishing left to someone else. This career suits me a little better - I can work at home, make my own hours, and not have to be around people I don't like.

I really have no ambitions such as traveling, or pursuing more education after college. The only real plan I have made for my life after college is to curl up and die under a rock - I don't know where or how I want to live.

Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like - i'll answer them to the best of my abilities :)

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cambion

snowygirl