I've been seeing my boyfriend for 3 or 4 months now. He's 24. He's the sweetest guy ever... Emmensely attractive, a good socialiser, intelligent, caring, funny and sensitive.

The first time I went back back to his and we tried to initiate sex, he couldnt get an erection... At least not a substantial enough one. I've only ever had one sexual partner before, and it happened to him for a long long time, so i'm not a stranger to this happening, but I am by far an expert on how to deal with it. I knew he'd been drinking, so I put it down to that, told him not to worry about it, made it lighthearted and we didnt talk about it any further. However every time since then it has been the same case. I told him he can trust me to talk about what he's thiking... To tell me what's wrong, but I never said much, cos I think if I talk about it it'll serve to draw attention to it. All I said to him was that he seemed nervous, I didnt think any less of him, and that if he wasnt ready that's fine - take your time, it's no race, no pressure.

But if i'm honest, that experience, for me, instantly put barriers up between us as far as our sex life is concerned. I dont know when or if i'm allowed to touch him... I dont know whether I should take the lead or leave it up to him so as not to put on the pressure.

Well, the other night we spoke about it for the first time. He's a virgin. There have been three girls before me apparently, and the same thing happened with them. He said "i'm just broken... I don't work properly". It's like he's just come to accept the fact that he "doesnt work", ... Like he predicts it's going to happen every time so he just doesn't bother taking it too far. He told me he thinks he's wasting my time... That he understands that sex is a big part of life... That he's missing out on it, and that for as long as i'm with him i'll be missing out too. He said "dont you want to find someone who can give you what you want?"... As though he's resigned. This upsets me so much how little confidence he has in himself... He is so beautiful, and I tell him so. I told him I think he's worth waiting for... Since i've been with him I havent wanted to be with any other guys... It's true. I told him I dont see sex as a matter of "performance"... More as a shared, mutual experience. I told him how silly I thought he was for thinking i'd dump him over this.

I'm convinced it isn't anything medical- he can get and maintain erections on his own, it's just when another person is brought into the equation he feels like he's being watched or something. What it boils down to is he doesn't know how to have sex with someone. He's always been quite solitary, and he doesnt know how to be that close to someone else... To expose himself.

I want to do anything I can to make this work for him

tell me this: are you a guy in this position? How would you want your girlfriend to react? What should I say to make him more at ease? How can I initiate sex without putting on the pressure? Should I leave it to him? Essentially... Where do I go from here?

Your input would mean so much to me. Please reply...