Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 663 Location: , Norn Iron
Erection Failure: a Man's Point of View.... Please.... Posted: 12-21-05 17:24pm
I've been seeing my boyfriend for 3 or 4
months now. He's 24. He's the sweetest
guy ever... Emmensely attractive, a good
socialiser, intelligent, caring, funny and
sensitive.
The first time I went back back to his and
we tried to initiate sex, he couldnt get
an erection... At least not a substantial
enough one. I've only ever had one
sexual partner before, and it happened to
him for a long long time, so i'm not a
stranger to this happening, but I am by
far an expert on how to deal with it. I
knew he'd been drinking, so I put it down
to that, told him not to worry about it,
made it lighthearted and we didnt talk
about it any further. However every time
since then it has been the same case. I
told him he can trust me to talk about
what he's thiking... To tell me what's
wrong, but I never said much, cos I think
if I talk about it it'll serve to draw
attention to it. All I said to him was
that he seemed nervous, I didnt think any
less of him, and that if he wasnt ready
that's fine - take your time, it's no
race, no pressure.
But if i'm honest, that experience, for
me, instantly put barriers up between us
as far as our sex life is concerned. I
dont know when or if i'm allowed to touch
him... I dont know whether I should take
the lead or leave it up to him so as not
to put on the pressure.
Well, the other night we spoke about it
for the first time. He's a virgin.
There have been three girls before me
apparently, and the same thing happened
with them. He said "i'm just broken...
I don't work properly". It's like he's
just come to accept the fact that he
"doesnt work", ... Like he predicts it's
going to happen every time so he just
doesn't bother taking it too far. He
told me he thinks he's wasting my time...
That he understands that sex is a big part
of life... That he's missing out on it,
and that for as long as i'm with him i'll
be missing out too. He said "dont you
want to find someone who can give you what
you want?"... As though he's resigned.
This upsets me so much how little
confidence he has in himself... He is so
beautiful, and I tell him so. I told him
I think he's worth waiting for... Since
i've been with him I havent wanted to be
with any other guys... It's true. I
told him I dont see sex as a matter of
"performance"... More as a shared, mutual
experience. I told him how silly I
thought he was for thinking i'd dump him
over this.
I'm convinced it isn't anything medical-
he can get and maintain erections on his
own, it's just when another person is
brought into the equation he feels like
he's being watched or something. What it
boils down to is he doesn't know how to
have sex with someone. He's always been
quite solitary, and he doesnt know how to
be that close to someone else... To
expose himself.
I want to do anything I can to make this
work for him
tell me this: are you a guy in this
position? How would you want your
girlfriend to react? What should I say to
make him more at ease? How can I initiate
sex without putting on the pressure?
Should I leave it to him? Essentially...
Where do I go from here?
Your input would mean so much to me.
Please reply...
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Citrus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 18 Location: New York
Posted: 12-28-05 23:25pm
All you can do is talk to him about this -
for now. Every guy has problems getting
an erection now and then but if this is
serious, you need to step in an try to
help. One immediate action I would take
is to tell him to try viagra, this way he
might be able to hold an erection long
enough to have sex... This would
hopefully destroy the mental block he is
having. If he denies doing this or it
doesnt work, only verbal treatment holds
any hope. You need to talk to him
reassuringly, tell him all the things you
like about him, make sure he understand
that you dont really care about his
"erection problem." and of course try to
sexually please him in every way possible
(but im sure you've already tried this).
Basically, just try to help him overcome
this mental block of his... Sex is a kind
of important thing for a man to
experience, so do everything you can to
allow him this pleasure!
Hope this has helped,
-dave
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gedunggold
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2006 Posts: 1 Location: KL MY
Something to Do With Testosterone Posted: 01-08-06 09:05am
:) being a man is about having that
hormone which determines his character,
feeling, deep voice, libido and so on so
forth. Eventually the sexual performance
that really matters. What is this
hormone? ...Testosterone. A man's
feeling, libido and sexual performance
depended on the level of testosterone.
Some 30% of us man are experiencing
deficiency in testosterone and thus can't
perform, lack of interest and eventually
withdraw from being a normal man.
This deficiency can be overcome through
exercise, healthy lifestyle, adequate rest
and good mental strength. Naturally,
man's body is capable of producing
testosterone by itself but if the reverse
happens, seek medical help. Modern
medicine is of some help but in many part
of the world, alternative medicine with
completely steroid-free and drug-free are
found and use everywhere. Viagra works on
erection only but not working on
increasing the libido and that punchy
feeling. I use purely alternative
medicine to bring back that younger man's
feeling and have a swell of time.
All the best to both of you. Keep the
feeling strong and hopefully you will
overcome the patchy relationship.
