Single Parents Forum - Soon to Be Single Mom

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Q: Soon to Be Single Mom

asked by: shinein on December 20th, 2005

New User

Hi eveyrone-

my name is leigh and I have been married a little over a year. My husband and I have an 8 month old son together. He is our life.

Recently we decided to seek a divorce as after trying and trying and trying, we realize our relationship cannot be mended. We stayed together and discusses continuing to do so for our son, but than we agreed that raising him in a house full of tension was not healthy for him to grow up. We did not want him to learn that was "normal", because it isn't. Anyhow.....There is the story w/o every single detail.

My husband is a great man, we just are not good together. He has agreed on my son and I moving away to be with family as he feels our son is best off living with me and not having to be put in daycare. My fear and the reason why i'm writing today is the fear of being a single mom. I never pictured myself in this position and although my husband is more than happy to pay child support, i'm worried about the emotional issues my son may face. Not having his daddy easily "accessible". Wondering why he has to travel to see dad, when he is old enough to realize it. I guess i'm just scared about all the issues a single mother faces.

Can someone that has experience with this guide me and give me some encouragement, if there is any? Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.

Leigh

Replies(5)

lilsam2701

replied on December 30th, 2005

Experienced User

Hi leigh!
I am 19 and a single mum of 3! My kids r 3,2 and 7mths! No one ever see's themselv becomin a single mum but it does happen i'm afraid and you might feel like it's the end of the world at the moment but it isn't.
A few things I have realised since being on my own with my kids are they need to see there dad regularly if possible,you and your son will become very close,make sure you rmind your son that even though daddy doesn't live with you both anymore that he loves your boy so much.
When you think of being a single parent it makes you feel miserableat first and as though it's your fault and that you maybe won't be able cope. But i've enjoyed it.I love my3 so much and live for them they are my life. You will get through this.If you want something so badly you'll get it. I wanted to be able to cope and be a good mum and be able manage on my own more than anything and I think I am doing ok
good luck xxx

PhenoBarbiDoll

replied on March 20th, 2006

New User

Wow

I shud write a book. When I was at your points I had no were to go but learn myself...Messages boards are ok....
]boy were to begin you do not need a man to complete you....Get strong work on your self thats my main adivice

Morning_Glory

replied on March 20th, 2006

Experienced User

I have been raising my son on my own since he was two. Ex lives in ala and I live in ohio.

The key thing seems to be to make sure to surround your son with positive, loving people and be willing to share his time with family that wants to give you a break and spend time with him without you. (don't be afraid to ask people if they can babysit to give you some time to yourself).

My biggest challenge was positive male role models. My son has more of a brotherly type of relationship with his dad than a father/son thing (my ex is just an overgrown kid). If you have a brother, uncle, whatever that is a good solid person with values you admire, be sure to foster and allow a relationship with that person to develop between him and your son. My son has a pretty close relationship with my brother in law, and i'm thankful for that.

You can be a good single parent, people do it all the time and having a good relatonship with your ex is a real bonus!!! Alot of us have very limited contact with our ex's and a real majority of us fight over child support or never get child support.

PhenoBarbiDoll

replied on March 21st, 2006

New User

I agree with morning glory.....I meant for part I see so many too many women use men to replace that empty feeling.....You may not feel it now but your a strong woman!!!!! My stoy is long but if you want me to share it I will....
We are allll here for you!!!!! You need fiends and support

littlesqueaks

replied on June 13th, 2006

Experienced User

I found that with my two boys after my divorce and their father had moved away is to have family near by for one and to maintain a friendly relationship with the ex. Make sure that there is always contact by phone, letters, packages ect... From the ex to your son so that way your son will grow up knowing that he is still apart of his life it is just from a distance. My boys have never seen it as a bad thing and their father moved when they were 5 and 3 they are now 7 and 5 and they enjoy every minute that gives them some kind of contact with their father and look forward to when they get to spend time with him.

As for you remain strong for your son don't let him see that this is a bad thing because you know deep down it is a good thing for the future of you and your son. Things will go as well as you make them go. Enjoy discovering yourself and the joys of just being a parent things will happen the way they are suppose to happen. Hope this helped some. Heather

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