Tired of Begging God to Let Me Die. Posted: 12-18-05 16:31pm
How many nights have I begged god just to
let me die? It would seem as if even god
does not care. So tired of the hurt that
never stops, of the emptyness that cannot
be filled. I hate myself for what my
life has become. So empty, so worthless.
Many times as a child and a young man I
wished that I was never born. Now I can
hardly wait to die. The battle that I
have fought for all of my life is almost
over. At death I will be free of the
deamons that I have carried for all of my
life, or united with them for all time in
hell.
All of my life I always felt as if I
was on the outside looking in, detached in
some way, ....Ii don't know where I am
going with this....I thought that I had
things sorted out thoughtwise but not it
seems
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mindoculus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 17 Location: new york city
Posted: 12-21-05 10:05am
Um, ok.
First, you may find this paradoxical, but
I would recommend you
focus far less on yourself and shift your
energies to looking after
the needs of others.
I think if you begin to identify your
self-worth through the good you
can do then you will have less cause to
feel so miserable.
A critical part of your despair results
from the constant attention you
pay your shortcomings. Not too belittle
your grievances, which I will
assume are legitimate, but belaboring
them, obsessing about them,
and having them possesse you worsens your
condition immeasurably.
Therefore, find some good to do. Worry
about the good you can do.
Give yourself complements for every little
act of selfless service you
provide so that you can build positive
momentum to reverse this
horrible tide. Cheers.
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Kittykatus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Oct 2005 Posts: 89 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 12-24-05 17:47pm
*hugs*
:( bless you; isn't life the greatest
thing that you accomplish?! :(
keep strong, my friend. I believe you can
do it
xx
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no one
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Mesa AZ
Posted: 12-24-05 18:26pm
Don't quite share you're view that life is
the greatest thing that you can
accomplish......Sorry
although I am somewhat startled in the
number of replies that have been generated
after I vented my thoughts .
Appreciate everyones thoughts, but most
of the "encouragement" that everyone has
to offer does'nt quite cut it
although in passing, i'll have to admit
( response to the post about the holidays)
I hate the holidays.....Did ever since I
was a kid.....They had this damn champagne
commercial that aired every year....Pretty
girls....Happy couples.......Everybody
just so damn happy....
Anyway...That was just for whatever it
was forth.....
Also, want to emphisize that this is
somewhat more deeply rooted than a
"situational" epasode
I don't believe in god, just simply
because your prayers are never answered,
all you know of god is the years of the
"bible"
you know what's weird?
Christmas is tomorrow, which is jesus's
birthday. Why would they make up a person
called santa clause on a holiday that is
supposed to be so serious & fun?
Santa is fake, but yet to god and whoever
else, your not supposed to lie.
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no one
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Mesa AZ
Posted: 12-24-05 19:52pm
Now how in the world did that post make it
to the top of the "heap"?
I had written that a week-week and a
half ago!
The other one---- about "checking out"
was today..... Oh well, doesen't matter
one way or another......Or even at
all........
Confused about you're reference to
lying......Just what are you trying to
say?
Man,am I getting tired....Didn't
sleep at all last night....Spent all night
working around the apartment.... Kind of
pointless I know....Threw a lot of stuff
away.....Sold some stuff to the antique
dealer in town......
Just trying to get everything
"squared away"
kind of ironic, in a way....Getting
everything "squared away" when my life is
a total wreck.
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Munoz1226
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 130 Location: Tucson
Waiting to Die Reply Posted: 12-24-05 22:39pm
Hello,
your post made me sad. I really feel for
you. I have suffered with anxiety amd
depression for years! It is a very scary
feeling! I have many days felt
overwhelmed that I am am mother and have
this life to be responsible for. Not just
mine, but hers too until she is old enough
to take care of herself.
I believe in god! He is there and many a
days we can't feel him, but he is there,
watching and waiting for us to take the
focus off of ourselves and put our lives
and everything we think or do in his
hands. I realize at times, especially
when we feel like dying or giving up we
call to him and beg him to fix us or our
lives and it seems he doesn't answer. I
just recently about 5 months ago decided I
was giving up and couldn't bare the
thought of waking up every single day
afraid of life. I teach at a private
christian school and the staff there
prayed around me and for me and man did I
get the biggest change of my life that
day. I think I just surrendered it all
over and he finally showed himself. I
think before I wanted so badly to think
and feel like I was in control of
everything I did, but I really wasn't.
Now, I hand my burdens over to god and let
him deal with whatever I am feeling.
Believe me, I still have many days and
moments when I panic or cry and feel
vulnerable, but it those times, I stop and
ask god to reach his hand to me.
God is crazy about you and wants nothing
to harm you. Trust him. He is so amazing
when you take time to stop and hear him
talk to your heart. I am not sure you
have done that yet, but it took me many
years to finally stop and really hear
him.
I will pray for you and your life. Ask
god what he wants from you and be still
and listen to your heart.
Also, don't be afraid to get meds or
counseling. Either or could be god
providing you help!
|
kkaus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Dec 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Australia
Re: Tired of Begging God to Let Me Die. Posted: 12-25-05 04:47am
Hi
if you feel there's no purpose in your
life, you must change your values. Always
ask yourself, by whose standards are you
not adequate? We're all different we all
have different specialties. Why not? And
even some disabled people have talents!
Don't measure yourself by other's
standards... Find out what you can do
rather than what you cannot.
Here's a tip to get you started... Go to
sleep on time and wake up relatively early
the next morning and during the day, do
things which are entirely out of your
character... And I don't mean anything
harmful to anyone including yourself, but
live differently, and think differently.
This might make you see how you can vary
your personality. After this, you can
think about varying yourself,
objectively.
Also start doing at least one thing that's
useful to people (inc. Yourself). Do it
as a practice and maintain it... It
doesn't have to be big, but even something
like smoking one less than you want to is
good enough.
Is there anything specific you think about
when you are sad ? Why do you think your
life is pointless ? What made yourself
hate your life in your opinion ?
I look harsh, but by being concrete it
helps understanding more clearly.
|
no hope
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Dec 2005 Posts: 6 Location: no where
Posted: 12-28-05 01:20am
No one has a point.....I have prayed and
prayed but yet it just keeps getting
worse. Im starting to think no one has
the right idea
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Munoz1226
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 130 Location: Tucson
Reply Posted: 12-28-05 02:08am
What are you saying to god? Are you
surrendering your life over to him? It is
really important that you talk to him like
you are talking to all of us. He is
listening and waiting for you to
surrender. It seems to me that you are
trying to control your destiny by trying
to end your journey here on earth before
god is ready for you to go home to heaven.
If he were ready for you, he wouldv'e
taken you already. He has a plan for you
here on earth and obviously it hasn't been
done yet. You should absolutely sit down
and tell jesus that you cannot go on this
way and what your plans are. He will show
you the way, but you first have to let go
of the negativity. You will not see
positive with the negative burden you have
been holding. Try praying for someone
else. Take the focus off of yourself for
a change. Ask god to lead you towards
what he wants from you here. I will pray
for you. Keep your head up and don't give
up!
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shella bella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-28-05 02:30am
You know what no hope? You are starting
to get on my nerves. Why are you wasting
your time posting when all everyone is
trying to do is help you? There aren't
anymore that could be said to encourage
you. To me, you have already made up in
your mind to be miserable.
You can see that so far that none of us
is able to help you. So please quit
wasting both your and our time.
You must take the responsiblility for your
own life by first seeking professional
help, or make an appointment to see a
medical doctor who knows how to treat you
and your symptoms.
Only you have the power to make your life
pleasant, or miserable. And please do not
blame yourself, or anyone for the past,
because we can't ever return back to the
past. What's done is done, therefore we
must focus on our "right now" and our
"future."
it's too bad that you never knew that you
were born for a purpose. You are most
definately somebody, and are needed.
Now whether you find out what that purpose
is, will be totally up to you.
|
shella bella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 10
Re: Reply Posted: 12-28-05 02:51am
munoz1226
wrote:
what are you saying to god?
Are you surrendering your life over to
him? It is really important that you
talk to him like you are talking to all of
us. He is listening and waiting for you
to surrender. It seems to me that you
are trying to control your destiny by
trying to end your journey here on earth
before god is ready for you to go home to
heaven. If he were ready for you, he
wouldv'e taken you already. He has a
plan for you here on earth and obviously
it hasn't been done yet. You should
absolutely sit down and tell jesus that
you cannot go on this way and what your
plans are. He will show you the way, but
you first have to let go of the
negativity. You will not see positive
with the negative burden you have been
holding. Try praying for someone else.
Take the focus off of yourself for a
change. Ask god to lead you towards what
he wants from you here. I will pray for
you. Keep your head up and don't give
up!
i do appreciate your beautiful post and
god bless you. I hope this message is
taken seriously by the attended person. I
hope this person is serious with god in
order for god to move freely in his, or
her life.
|
shella bella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-28-05 03:16am
no hope
wrote:
no one has a point.....I
have prayed and prayed but yet it just
keeps getting worse. Im starting to
think no one has the right
idea
and "no hope' the last thing I have to
say to you is pleasee don't ever take your
life, because if you do, I can't promise
that you will end up in heaven. Call me
crazy if you will. This is not worth you
loosing your soul to. I would not take
that chance.
no one has a point.....I
have prayed and prayed but yet it just
keeps getting worse. Im starting to
think no one has the right
idea
that's logic. You explained in a very
poetic way that your life is pointless,
but still it is all too vague. Please
don't forget that forum members are
anonymous and that they don't know your
life in advance.
If you want help, you must explain what
exactly is going on or what happened, what
you feel and why. Then only we are able
to help.
If you don't want help but just want to
show that you don't feel good, just say
that you don't feel good and we'll try to
cheer you up.
If you feel sad but you don't know why,
then you'll need to seek for professional
help.
But please don't say that our help is
worthless like here above, because that's
just rude.
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shella bella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-28-05 14:59pm
Hi s_kalb,
im afraid that I either misunderstood you,
or you misunderstood my post to "no hope."
I was saying that after all the
encouraging advices given to this person,
this person acted as if none of the advice
given was good enough. Instead of
accepting these good advices"no hope" kept
on complaining. And yes at this point
there is nothing more that could be
said.
You've had quoted:
"but please don't say that our help is
worthless like here above, because that's
just rude". I'm not sure if you are
calling me rude by this quote.
That is not what I had said. I was
saying when she,or he refuses to accept
any good advice given is like saying that
our help to him, or her is worthless.
So why waste your time posting if you know
that you will not accept it anyway?
i am not sure I understood everything you
said, but what I said was to 'no hope' and
not against you, if you understood if that
way.
All I wanted to do with my last post is to
show 'no hope' that nagging around while
we are actually trying to help is not
necessary. I was not trying to give a
message to anyone else but him/her.
Please apologize me if you felt pointed
at. When I said "like here above" I meant
with the sentence I quoted, starting with
"no one has a point...", but not with your
post.
It's true that with my message, we both
said exactly the same thing to 'no hope'.
However, I just wanted to be more concrete
by reminding that we are anonymous forum
members and that we cannot help that
person unless he/she explains precisely.
If my response is completely inaccurate
with your post, please excuse me for my
misunderstanding. English is not my main
language, but i'm training.
|
shella bella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-28-05 16:34pm
s_kalb
wrote:
hi shella,
i am not sure I understood everything you
said, but what I said was to 'no hope' and
not against you, if you understood if that
way.
All I wanted to do with my last post is to
show 'no hope' that nagging around while
we are actually trying to help is not
necessary. I was not trying to give a
message to anyone else but him/her.
Please apologize me if you felt pointed
at. When I said "like here above" I
meant with the sentence I quoted, starting
with "no one has a point...", but not with
your post.
It's true that with my message, we both
said exactly the same thing to 'no hope'.
However, I just wanted to be more
concrete by reminding that we are
anonymous forum members and that we cannot
help that person unless he/she explains
precisely.
If my response is completely inaccurate
with your post, please excuse me for my
misunderstanding. English is not my main
language, but i'm
training.
thanks s_kalb for the clearification. I
do apologize for the confusion.
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shella bella
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-28-05 17:01pm
This is just crazy. I just now discover
that there are two different names which
are causing this forum unnecessary
confusion. "no one" and "no hope"
if we were to go back and reread from the
top of this page, we will find that this
problem is address to "no one" not to "no
hope"
the confusion really got started when I
read "no hope" post. The sentence started
with no one has a point, which was
interpreted as "nobody has a point." not
knowing that the person named "no one" has
a point, which means this person has a
point.
The person with this kind of name has to
be careful.
So to no hope im truly sorry for posting
my frustration to you. It was a big
mistake.
