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Tired of Begging God to Let Me Die. (Page 1)

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How many nights have I begged god just to let me die? It would seem as if even god does not care. So tired of the hurt that never stops, of the emptyness that cannot be filled. I hate myself for what my life has become. So empty, so worthless. Many times as a child and a young man I wished that I was never born. Now I can hardly wait to die. The battle that I have fought for all of my life is almost over. At death I will be free of the deamons that I have carried for all of my life, or united with them for all time in hell.
All of my life I always felt as if I was on the outside looking in, detached in some way, ....Ii don't know where I am going with this....I thought that I had things sorted out thoughtwise but not it seems
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First Helper MoodyBlues
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replied December 21st, 2005
Um, ok.

First, you may find this paradoxical, but I would recommend you
focus far less on yourself and shift your energies to looking after
the needs of others.

I think if you begin to identify your self-worth through the good you
can do then you will have less cause to feel so miserable.

A critical part of your despair results from the constant attention you
pay your shortcomings. Not too belittle your grievances, which I will
assume are legitimate, but belaboring them, obsessing about them,
and having them possesse you worsens your condition immeasurably.

Therefore, find some good to do. Worry about the good you can do.
Give yourself complements for every little act of selfless service you
provide so that you can build positive momentum to reverse this
horrible tide. Cheers.
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replied April 2nd, 2011
I know this is a really old post but it hits home. I too pray that I won't wake up every night that I go to bed. I haven't had a bad life ... Just not the life I had hoped for. I can't claim abuse or an unloving family. I tried to do what was good and right all my life. Stayed a virgin til I was engaged at 26.. Didn't drink alcohol until 26 as well, I've never touched drugs or done anything illegal. Here I am, now 39 years old and have never been married. Oh you are probably wondering what happened to the guy I was engaged to that I lost my virginity to... Well he decided he wasn't ready and dumped me 3 months after we had sex... I don't feel like I have a reason to be here any more... I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes but I don't know why I have been chosen to go through life alone... Everytime I think something might work out for me... It doesn't. So what's the point, why must I continue trying. I've been alone for 4 years now and I hate it. I hate life. I feel guily about my thoughts but they are what they are .... I wish I could donate my heart, kidneys, etc. to someone that wants to live and can't because they have health issues.
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replied May 16th, 2011
If this reaches you we need to talk asap
Glenn
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replied April 2nd, 2012
thin threads
I realize that it's a year (to the day!) since you wrote the above, but I'm wondering if you're still around? I can relate to your feelings - as you said, "it hits home." Let me know if you're out there; maybe we can help each other.
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replied April 2nd, 2012
thin threads
I realize that it's a year (to the day!) since you wrote the above, but I'm wondering if you're still around? I can relate to your feelings - as you said, "it hits home." Let me know if you're out there; maybe we can help each other.
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replied April 30th, 2012
I have also prayed that God would let me die painlessly in my sleep. The relgious folk tell me God will not answer this prayer. However, from time to time when under stress I ask this prayer or just wish for it to happen. I'm still here and right now I'm going through yet another time that I wish either the bad things would go away, or that I could just die. I know neither will happen. If the bad things go away, I know other bad things will eventually come.
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replied December 24th, 2013
Feel the same way. Anyone talk?
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replied November 29th, 2012
Because god's plan is to let some of us suffer like hell no matter how much we beg him to help us! Sorry, I am there now!
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replied November 29th, 2012
Because god's plan is to let some of us suffer like hell no matter how we beg him!
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replied December 24th, 2005
Experienced User
*hugs*

:( bless you; isn't life the greatest thing that you accomplish?! :(

keep strong, my friend. I believe you can do it

xx
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replied December 24th, 2005
Don't quite share you're view that life is the greatest thing that you can accomplish......Sorry

although I am somewhat startled in the number of replies that have been generated after I vented my thoughts .

Appreciate everyones thoughts, but most of the "encouragement" that everyone has to offer does'nt quite cut it

although in passing, i'll have to admit ( response to the post about the holidays) I hate the holidays.....Did ever since I was a kid.....They had this damn champagne commercial that aired every year....Pretty girls....Happy couples.......Everybody just so damn happy....

Anyway...That was just for whatever it was forth.....

Also, want to emphisize that this is somewhat more deeply rooted than a "situational" epasode
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replied December 24th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
I don't believe in god, just simply because your prayers are never answered, all you know of god is the years of the "bible"

you know what's weird?

Christmas is tomorrow, which is jesus's birthday. Why would they make up a person called santa clause on a holiday that is supposed to be so serious & fun?

Santa is fake, but yet to god and whoever else, your not supposed to lie.
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replied December 24th, 2005
Now how in the world did that post make it to the top of the "heap"?

I had written that a week-week and a half ago!

The other one---- about "checking out" was today..... Oh well, doesen't matter one way or another......Or even at all........

Confused about you're reference to lying......Just what are you trying to say?

Man,am I getting tired....Didn't sleep at all last night....Spent all night working around the apartment.... Kind of pointless I know....Threw a lot of stuff away.....Sold some stuff to the antique dealer in town......

Just trying to get everything "squared away"

kind of ironic, in a way....Getting everything "squared away" when my life is a total wreck.
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replied December 24th, 2005
Experienced User
Waiting to Die Reply
Hello,
your post made me sad. I really feel for you. I have suffered with anxiety amd depression for years! It is a very scary feeling! I have many days felt overwhelmed that I am am mother and have this life to be responsible for. Not just mine, but hers too until she is old enough to take care of herself.
I believe in god! He is there and many a days we can't feel him, but he is there, watching and waiting for us to take the focus off of ourselves and put our lives and everything we think or do in his hands. I realize at times, especially when we feel like dying or giving up we call to him and beg him to fix us or our lives and it seems he doesn't answer. I just recently about 5 months ago decided I was giving up and couldn't bare the thought of waking up every single day afraid of life. I teach at a private christian school and the staff there prayed around me and for me and man did I get the biggest change of my life that day. I think I just surrendered it all over and he finally showed himself. I think before I wanted so badly to think and feel like I was in control of everything I did, but I really wasn't. Now, I hand my burdens over to god and let him deal with whatever I am feeling. Believe me, I still have many days and moments when I panic or cry and feel vulnerable, but it those times, I stop and ask god to reach his hand to me.
God is crazy about you and wants nothing to harm you. Trust him. He is so amazing when you take time to stop and hear him talk to your heart. I am not sure you have done that yet, but it took me many years to finally stop and really hear him.
I will pray for you and your life. Ask god what he wants from you and be still and listen to your heart.
Also, don't be afraid to get meds or counseling. Either or could be god providing you help!
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replied December 25th, 2005
Re: Tired of Begging God to Let Me Die.
Hi

if you feel there's no purpose in your life, you must change your values. Always ask yourself, by whose standards are you not adequate? We're all different we all have different specialties. Why not? And even some disabled people have talents! Don't measure yourself by other's standards... Find out what you can do rather than what you cannot.

Here's a tip to get you started... Go to sleep on time and wake up relatively early the next morning and during the day, do things which are entirely out of your character... And I don't mean anything harmful to anyone including yourself, but live differently, and think differently. This might make you see how you can vary your personality. After this, you can think about varying yourself, objectively.

Also start doing at least one thing that's useful to people (inc. Yourself). Do it as a practice and maintain it... It doesn't have to be big, but even something like smoking one less than you want to is good enough.

Anyone can do it!
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replied December 25th, 2005
Experienced User
Is there anything specific you think about when you are sad ? Why do you think your life is pointless ? What made yourself hate your life in your opinion ?

I look harsh, but by being concrete it helps understanding more clearly.
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replied December 28th, 2005
No one has a point.....I have prayed and prayed but yet it just keeps getting worse. Im starting to think no one has the right idea
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replied December 28th, 2005
Experienced User
Reply
What are you saying to god? Are you surrendering your life over to him? It is really important that you talk to him like you are talking to all of us. He is listening and waiting for you to surrender. It seems to me that you are trying to control your destiny by trying to end your journey here on earth before god is ready for you to go home to heaven. If he were ready for you, he wouldv'e taken you already. He has a plan for you here on earth and obviously it hasn't been done yet. You should absolutely sit down and tell jesus that you cannot go on this way and what your plans are. He will show you the way, but you first have to let go of the negativity. You will not see positive with the negative burden you have been holding. Try praying for someone else. Take the focus off of yourself for a change. Ask god to lead you towards what he wants from you here. I will pray for you. Keep your head up and don't give up!
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replied December 28th, 2005
You know what no hope? You are starting to get on my nerves. Why are you wasting your time posting when all everyone is trying to do is help you? There aren't anymore that could be said to encourage you. To me, you have already made up in your mind to be miserable.

You can see that so far that none of us is able to help you. So please quit wasting both your and our time.

You must take the responsiblility for your own life by first seeking professional help, or make an appointment to see a medical doctor who knows how to treat you and your symptoms.

Only you have the power to make your life pleasant, or miserable. And please do not blame yourself, or anyone for the past, because we can't ever return back to the past. What's done is done, therefore we must focus on our "right now" and our "future."

it's too bad that you never knew that you were born for a purpose. You are most definately somebody, and are needed.

Now whether you find out what that purpose is, will be totally up to you.
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replied December 28th, 2005
Re: Reply
munoz1226 wrote:
what are you saying to god? Are you surrendering your life over to him? It is really important that you talk to him like you are talking to all of us. He is listening and waiting for you to surrender. It seems to me that you are trying to control your destiny by trying to end your journey here on earth before god is ready for you to go home to heaven. If he were ready for you, he wouldv'e taken you already. He has a plan for you here on earth and obviously it hasn't been done yet. You should absolutely sit down and tell jesus that you cannot go on this way and what your plans are. He will show you the way, but you first have to let go of the negativity. You will not see positive with the negative burden you have been holding. Try praying for someone else. Take the focus off of yourself for a change. Ask god to lead you towards what he wants from you here. I will pray for you. Keep your head up and don't give up!


i do appreciate your beautiful post and god bless you. I hope this message is taken seriously by the attended person. I hope this person is serious with god in order for god to move freely in his, or her life.
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replied December 28th, 2005
no hope wrote:
no one has a point.....I have prayed and prayed but yet it just keeps getting worse. Im starting to think no one has the right idea


and "no hope' the last thing I have to say to you is pleasee don't ever take your life, because if you do, I can't promise that you will end up in heaven. Call me crazy if you will. This is not worth you loosing your soul to. I would not take that chance.
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replied December 28th, 2005
Experienced User
no hope wrote:
no one has a point.....I have prayed and prayed but yet it just keeps getting worse. Im starting to think no one has the right idea


that's logic. You explained in a very poetic way that your life is pointless, but still it is all too vague. Please don't forget that forum members are anonymous and that they don't know your life in advance.

If you want help, you must explain what exactly is going on or what happened, what you feel and why. Then only we are able to help.

If you don't want help but just want to show that you don't feel good, just say that you don't feel good and we'll try to cheer you up.

If you feel sad but you don't know why, then you'll need to seek for professional help.



But please don't say that our help is worthless like here above, because that's just rude.
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replied December 28th, 2005
Hi s_kalb,

im afraid that I either misunderstood you, or you misunderstood my post to "no hope." I was saying that after all the encouraging advices given to this person, this person acted as if none of the advice given was good enough. Instead of accepting these good advices"no hope" kept on complaining. And yes at this point there is nothing more that could be said.

You've had quoted:
"but please don't say that our help is worthless like here above, because that's just rude". I'm not sure if you are calling me rude by this quote.

That is not what I had said. I was saying when she,or he refuses to accept any good advice given is like saying that our help to him, or her is worthless. So why waste your time posting if you know that you will not accept it anyway?
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replied December 28th, 2005
Experienced User
Hi shella,

i am not sure I understood everything you said, but what I said was to 'no hope' and not against you, if you understood if that way.

All I wanted to do with my last post is to show 'no hope' that nagging around while we are actually trying to help is not necessary. I was not trying to give a message to anyone else but him/her. Please apologize me if you felt pointed at. When I said "like here above" I meant with the sentence I quoted, starting with "no one has a point...", but not with your post.

It's true that with my message, we both said exactly the same thing to 'no hope'. However, I just wanted to be more concrete by reminding that we are anonymous forum members and that we cannot help that person unless he/she explains precisely.

If my response is completely inaccurate with your post, please excuse me for my misunderstanding. English is not my main language, but i'm training.
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replied December 28th, 2005
s_kalb wrote:
hi shella,

i am not sure I understood everything you said, but what I said was to 'no hope' and not against you, if you understood if that way.


All I wanted to do with my last post is to show 'no hope' that nagging around while we are actually trying to help is not necessary. I was not trying to give a message to anyone else but him/her. Please apologize me if you felt pointed at. When I said "like here above" I meant with the sentence I quoted, starting with "no one has a point...", but not with your post.


It's true that with my message, we both said exactly the same thing to 'no hope'. However, I just wanted to be more concrete by reminding that we are anonymous forum members and that we cannot help that person unless he/she explains precisely.


If my response is completely inaccurate with your post, please excuse me for my misunderstanding. English is not my main language, but i'm training.


thanks s_kalb for the clearification. I do apologize for the confusion.
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replied December 28th, 2005
This is just crazy. I just now discover that there are two different names which are causing this forum unnecessary confusion. "no one" and "no hope"

if we were to go back and reread from the top of this page, we will find that this problem is address to "no one" not to "no hope"

the confusion really got started when I read "no hope" post. The sentence started with no one has a point, which was interpreted as "nobody has a point." not knowing that the person named "no one" has a point, which means this person has a point.

The person with this kind of name has to be careful.

So to no hope im truly sorry for posting my frustration to you. It was a big mistake.
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replied December 28th, 2005
Experienced User
Oh my ford !

I think i'm going to leave this discussion ! It gets too complicated to me.

And it's true people should not use "structure-sentisive" (or whatever you could call it) nicknames.
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