Teen Pregnancy Forum - Pregnancy Finance And Other Anxiety

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Q: Pregnancy Finance And Other Anxiety

asked by: kittylainy on December 18th, 2005

New User

Hey,
i am 20 years old, I have a boyfriend/fiance that I love so dearly, and I am.... 31 weeks pregnant. This is an unplanned pregnancy, but we're both extremely excited about this new arrival. However, lately, anxiety is taking the best of me. My major concerns are definately finance and personal doubt. Before I got pregnant, I was still in college, had a life plan and was on track to becoming "somebody." now I am not too sure. Everyone around me is giving me the impression that my life is over, and i'm probably going to end up in poverty and alone. I know that I have to prove them wrong. Yet without any support, I honestly feel hopeless and discouraged. As well, I often feel ashamed, especially when i'm around my mother, simply because she had such high hopes for me, and I let her down. I just can't shake societies negative judgement on young pregnancy. It shouldn't get to me.... But it really is.

My boyfriend has a pretty decent job. And before I went on mat. Leave, I did too, and together, our finances were perfect. Now that i'm on mat leave, our budget is so incredibly tight! He tells me that everything is perfectly fine. But his form of "fine" is definately different then mine. Being just able to pay all the bills, insurance, car, rent etc. Is not considered fine to me. Esp. When we can't even afford to go out for dinner once a week. I know it sounds so materialistic and greedy, but I just need/want more to feel comfortable. And this lack of money is making me so nervous, since baby isn't even born yet!! We just had an arguement about money, and he said that I made him feel worthless like he can't support the family. But that is not what I meant at all. I just want more "action" to alleviate my concerns about money, rather than just telling me that everything's fine. When I see that we are not at a "perferred" level on financial security, it just confirms everyone's doubts that we are ready to have this baby.

I know this is wrong, yet there are moments when I wish that I had gotten an abortion when I could've. Am I awful to feel this way? But there are times, like when i'm at an ultrasound, or when I lie awake, feeling the baby kick, that fills me with joy. I can feel an overwhelming love for this baby already.... Wow... I just feel really confused. I don't know how to feel anymore.

I just need to get my thoughts out...
Thank you
kittylainy

Replies(4)

graceandhope

replied on December 18th, 2005

New User

Life Is Hard That Way

You certainly sound like you are going through many different emotions right now. I think that they are perfectly normal. I think you should be concerned about your money matters. Going out to eat once a week may seem like a big deal now but once the baby is here you will see things differently. It sounds like you felt more secure when you were working and that makes scence. You are now down to one income and that is scary. While you are able to pay the bills you don't have much for more than that and that can be very scary to anyone. I guess it is hard to understand people's perception of "doing okay financially or doing good or doing well". It seems like a lot of people think that until they are tested with a new baby. You could always go back to work after the baby is born but then comes the expence of childcare. Some people have family or friends to help but even that comes with a cost. I wish you well on your journey to parenthood. You will be fine but you might not be where you want to be. Hard work (as in higher education and sacrifice) can get you where you want to be one day but it might take a lot of time and adjusting. I am glad you are bringing this topic up because I think it is good for those "wanting" a baby to see the reality of money matters during this time. I was 15 when I had my daughter. She is the light of my life but we went through some tough times before we got where we are today. I worked very hard and was able to finish college twice and work in my line of work. It is a great career but came with the cost of struggling for a while. I never "planned" to have a baby that young but she came nonetheless. Now I am older (29) married and am hoping to adopt. We are content with all that we have but I guess I wish I would have waiting to parent. I am ready for number two now...But I am older and more secure. I did it and you can too. Keep your head up and determined.

God bless

kittylainy

replied on December 18th, 2005

New User

Thank you.
It is comforting to know that other people went through similar situations and surpassed their problems. It is just hard right now to adjust to the single, full of disposable income to being barely enough for anything. Luckily I do have family members that can babysit once the baby's born.... Also, there are times when I feel guilty because I took mat. Leave at 30 weeks, while others worked right till baby's due date and such.

But i'm going to try my best and hope everything's fine.
Thanx again
elaine

kelz23

replied on December 19th, 2005

New User

Hey, you sound like me.....Im 20, but im only 7 weeks pregnant...I only found out a couple of weeks ago and im already nervous. And im also convinced if I keep this baby I will be doing this alone, I dont have much support. This is definatly unplanned for me...And im also in uni studying towards a bachelor of communuications. Im switching to extramural study thru the same uni (correspondance from home) and im going to keep studying right thru the pregnancy and drop to part time for the firt 6 months when the baby is here. If I am a single parent I will have to go on a benefit while I finish my study...Its just a means to an end for me...Then I will be able to get a decent job at the end of it. But I am anxious about the benefit and it will be a struggle.
Goodluck with everything, im sure it will all work out for you.

kittylainy

replied on December 19th, 2005

New User

Kelz,
i'm glad to hear that you're trying to continue study. I suspended my education for a year so I can work full-time and hopefully save up some money before the baby came. Needless to say, there wasn't much saving done, however, I did get everything I need for the baby... Well the big ticket items at least. In canada, there is a very generous student loans fund given out to single parents, or parents in general. And if you have high achedemic standards, you'll be qualified for some extra grants as well. Do you have such things in new zealand? I am lucky in a way since i'm still with the baby's father. And he helps out financially. However, I am getting none of that from my parents... (it kind of angers me since they are in the upper-middle class type family.) but I guess what doesn't kill me only strengthens me. I'm going to over come this obsticle and succeed in life!! :o
wow i'm in a determined optimistic good mood today.
Best of luck kelz....

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