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Q: Help
asked by: purpz28 on December 16th, 2005
New User
:?: I have been in a two year relationship with a man that I am soo in love with. We just had a daughter 2 months ago. Anyway this relationship is hopeless..I think. But how do you fall out of love with someone I can't seem to make myself no matter what I do. He is so sweet when he is around me and my daughter...He does lil romantic things all the time and opens doors and kisses my hand and just makes me little things out of flowers...Very sweet but he is married to a woman 20 years older than him and she has known about me they both say that he sleeps on the couch at their home and she is angry about it but won't leave him and he says he can't afford to live on his own wich he doesn't make much money. I make better money but I think he wants me to go get a place and have things together for the both of us. It is like he can't do anything unless I am pulling him to do so. This is so bad I feel awful about it but I do have a daughter with him and love him very much. What do I do?
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dad2thabone
replied on December 19th, 2005
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Please dont be offended, but sounds to me like he's having his cake and eating it too. On one side he's got the stability of the older wife to take care of him and then he's got his young hottie on the other. Why would he want to change the situation?
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purpz28
replied on December 19th, 2005
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I'm not offeneded i'm glad someone responded...Yes I kind of agree but I don't feel this should continue now that we have had a daughter..So I don't know how to change it...I guess I have to just put my foot down and say come with us or I am done because it seems I am the only one that can or will change the situation. I really do love him though...I can easily say more than I have loved anyone else ever.
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mindoculus
replied on December 21st, 2005
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[quote="purpz28".]i guess I have to just put my foot down and say come with us or I am done because it seems I am the only one that can or will change the situation. [/quote]

correct. You need to act. You need to tell him to go away.

But that is only the start. You then need to examine why you were
attracted to him to begin with.

You seem to be taken easily with superficial displays of tenderness. From
your description, I think you need to look deeper than mere chivalry for
your next relationship, and that will require a huge boost in your own
self-awareness.

I hate to think what a person can get away with you if they all they need
to do is the 'lil romantic things'. Such attention to detail can be very
specious, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was manipulating you just
to maintain this destructive arrangement.
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purpz28
replied on December 21st, 2005
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Wow I really don't know how to respond to what you said...But how easy is it to tell someone to go away when I just had a baby with him?
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mindoculus
replied on December 21st, 2005
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purpz28 wrote:
wow I really don't know how to respond to what you said...But how easy is it to tell someone to go away when I just had a baby with him?


easy ? No.

Needed ? Probably.

Do you want someone who is juggling relationships with two women as a father ?

With that said . . . If his relationship with the other person - his wife ! ! - is finished then he should separate from her. That would be the responsible thing to do. End the loveless marriage, which I assume was also childless, and have them sort the legal issues.

Perhaps then you two can find happiness together.
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