First of all, i'm sorry. I identify a lot with your story. I was raped when I was fourteen years old, at school, and certainly never told my parents. Later on, my father caught me sleeping on the couch with my boyfriend (also of eight months), with my shirt down around my waist.
The difficulty with sex is this: your parents know you do it (hypothetically, anyway). They might not know you do it now, but they know that you will, at some point, have sex. But that doesn't mean they like it. If it was up to them, yes, you would always be their little girl. But at the same time, they know you're growing up, and that things are changing. Most likely, they were just shocked. It's hard to deal with. Look at it this way. Your parents have sex. You know they do, you have a younger sister. They probably still do. But do you like thinking about it? Would you like walking in on it? Probably not. Don't worry about it, or try to worry less. Have a good heart-to-heart with your parents. My dad wouldn't talk to me for weeks after he found out I was sleeping with my boyfriend, but things are fine between us now, maybe even better. It's hard for your parents to make the leap from seeing you as a little kid to seeing you as a young adult, but it is important that they do so. Of course, it's also important that you respect their wishes- meaning that if you do decide to have sex again, you should be more careful that they don't...Well, that they don't have to be faced with the fact that you're doing it.
Lastly, forget about that boy. Any boy who pressures you into having sex is not worth thinking about. You're not less of a person because you were influenced by him, or overpowered by him, but he is less of a person for forcing you into anything you didn't want to do. Don't be ashamed. I know, it's hard. For years, I cried with shame about my rape. I even had to be drunk or stoned to have sex with boys I really did love because the act brought back such horrible memories. Shame is normal. It's not fun, but it's normal. Just don't let it rule your life. You haven't done anything wrong. In fact, it sounds like you're the victim. Don't feel guilty, and really, really, try not to make things more of a big deal than they are. Take a deep breath or two, and think clearly before you do something. Your little sister probably wasn't thrilled by seeing you so upset and distraught.
Just remember, you're in control of your actions, and your parents do love you, and will, all your life. Don't be afraid to talk to them. And don't feel ashamed about things in your past. You can't change them, but you can change what happens to you now- focus on that, instead.
Good luck, sabine
