Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Posted: 12-13-05 21:08pm
Ok here's my issue. I am a very very
sensitive and weak person. I don't handle
anything well, I cry over everything. So
about 2 months ago...My boyfriend (of 6
months) told me that he thought we should
go on a break to figure out if we should
break up, because things weren't going
well. So I was obviously hurt, but we got
back together the next day. Three weeks
later (just over a month ago), he left me
a second time. But this time he said it
was for good, and that there was nothing I
could say or do to change his mind. I was
so hurt that I didn't sleep for three
days, and all I did was cry and throw
up...And just sit in bed (i lost 12
pounds, I literally had driven myself to
insanity). It was horrible. At the end
of the third day, he told me he wanted to
get back together, and we did. Things are
great now, the best it had been in the
whole 6 months. We couldn't be more in
love, however, now that things are so
great, I have been having nightmares for
the past two weeks, of him leaving me.
Now I have told people about it, and they
laugh and say that it's not possible,
because the event isn't tragic enough.
Well to me it was completely tragic. So I
have these nightmares, and I wake up in
tears believing that he really did leave
me, and then I remember a few minutes
later that he hasn't. So this makes me
lose quite a lot of sleep. I also go
through moments of guilt. Where I tell
myself that the reason why he left me is
all my fault. And sometimes I go through
panic. Everything will be perfectly fine.
But i'll call his phone 50 times in a row
(literally) until it wakes him up, or
until he gets to his phone, just because I
panic so bad that I need to talk to him.
He gets annoyed because he says I have
absolutely no reason to freak out, and he
tells me all the time that he loves me and
wants to be with me for a while. This is
really distracting me, especially in
school. My marks have definitely dropped.
So do you think this could be post
traumatic stress? This is really annoying
me, the nightmares especially. Thanks for
your help!
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kahlan
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Feb 2006 Posts: 9 Location: Australia
Posted: 02-14-06 06:05am
Andrea - what you are describing certainly
sounds to me like you are experiencing
anxiety, and panic attacks. If you were
to see pschyciatrist or mental health
professional, I can only guess that they
would probably not classify you with post
traumatic stress disorder, but another
type of disorder. Do you feel like you
have some insecurity issues? Major fear
of abandonment? From what you are
saying, it certainly sounds like you do.
I also imagine you are experiencing some
major depression, and have focused all
your attention and time into your
boyfriend as your source of happiness. I
really hope that you can develop some
other close relationships with your
friends, family and the like. I think it
would be very wise of you to seek more
help - like chatting to a
counsellor/therapist or even your school
counsellor.
Please take good care of you...Boyfriends
will come and go in your life - but you
are the best person to look out for you.
Kahlan.
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x0x-Andrea
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2005 Posts: 63 Location: Vancouver
Posted: 02-22-06 01:13am
Wow...For once in my life I finally feel
understood. It's like you know me
personally or something. That's
crazy....You're awesome. Well, I left
that post a long while ago, (2 months
maybe?) and I have been waiting for a
reply, and finally I got it. My fear
hasn't gone away either. It has somewhat
. . . But it gets better and worse.
And at the moment it is at a worse time.
I 100% have insecurity issues, and my
biggest fear is being alone. I do feel as
if my boyfriend is what brings me
happiness. It's so bad to the point where
if he doesn't call me when he says he
will, I freak out, and then can't fall
asleep that night. He tells me all the
time that he wants to marry me one day,
and that he will never leave me again, and
that it was a huge mistake to leave me in
the first place. I just still can't get
past this. I don't know why, I try so
hard, and I just can't let go of the
betrayal and hurt I felt. I cry myself to
sleep almost every night. Sometimes I
panic so much that I just shake and feel
like i'm going to throw up. It's horrible
. . . At this very moment I am feeling
it. Because he got off work at 12 (and
said he would call me when he's off), and
it is now 12:15.....It's been only 15
minutes and i'm already freaking out. I
really hate this. I hate the way I am.
Thanks for listening, and thanks for your
help. Means more to me then you could
know :)
|
mcdona4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 May 2006 Posts: 6 Location: pensacola
Posted: 05-09-06 11:47am
Your situation sounds very similar to one
of my own from the past. I was diagnosed
with borderline personality disorder.
There is a good book that you could look
for called "i hate you-don't leave me".
It sounds as if your problems are centered
around the fear of abandonment. I am not
a trained expert, so I cannot make the
diagnosis, but I believe anyone
experiencing abandonment issues as you
obviously are, could benefit from reading
this book. I would also seek help. I
went to my university provided
psychologists, but did not get the help I
needed. Finally I sat down and thought
of all of my symptoms, wrote them down,
and contacted a pyschologist in the area
who specialized in similar problems to my
own. During our first meeting, I went
over my list. It was one of the hardest
things for me to do because I had to admit
a lot of negative things that I wasn't
ready to face. Because those things were
out in the open, my psychologist was able
to help in a more efficient way, and the
therapy really helped a lot. Even though
I thought I hated my psychologist on some
days.
You also sound as if you look to the
relationship for happiness, a sense of
higher self esteem, or even a false
identity. I fell victim to this way of
thinking, and it was very distructive to
my life. You have to remember that no
matter how good a person your boyfriend
is, he cannot make you happy. You have to
be happy and sure of your identity on your
own. My boyfriend and I ended up breaking
up, but staying good friends. We didn't
do a very good job of keeping the actions
appropriate for friends if you know what I
mean, but the fact was that I couldn't
depend on him to be there in a dating
relationship. He showed me love no matter
what I did or what happened, but because
the relationship was not a dating one, it
was able to be more healthy for both of
us. Finally things are back on track for
me, and because he showed me love no
matter what my short comings were, I was
able to start loving myself for the first
time. We are still not technically dating
because the timing is just not quite right
yet, but if you and your boyfriend are in
love as you say you are, you won't loose
him if you take a break, and that is
probably what you need most. If you face
the biggest fear you have right now, you
won't have that to fear anymore. The fear
of abandonment has less to do with the
person you are in the relationship with
than it does with you.
To sum up my advice, take time for your
self. Become educated on what it is that
makes you feel the way you do. Once you
gain that knowledge, you can start to
change things. Seek professional help,
and everything else will fall into place.
Find out who you are, and where you want
to be in life. Remember.....You are
entitled to feel any way you want....It's
what you do with those feeling that
counts. (like the phone calls...There is
a difference between what you think and
what you feel. It may seem unnatural or
even impossible to go with the thinking
side, but you'll thank yourself later I
promise.)
good luck. I've been there, and it gets
better if you want it to.
|
mcdona4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 May 2006 Posts: 6 Location: pensacola
Posted: 05-09-06 12:18pm
x0x-andrea
wrote:
wow...For once in my life I
finally feel understood. It's like you
know me personally or something. That's
crazy....You're awesome. Well, I left
that post a long while ago, (2 months
maybe?) and I have been waiting for a
reply, and finally I got it. My fear
hasn't gone away either. It has somewhat
. . . But it gets better and worse.
And at the moment it is at a worse time.
I 100% have insecurity issues, and my
biggest fear is being alone. I do feel
as if my boyfriend is what brings me
happiness. It's so bad to the point
where if he doesn't call me when he says
he will, I freak out, and then can't fall
asleep that night. He tells me all the
time that he wants to marry me one day,
and that he will never leave me again, and
that it was a huge mistake to leave me in
the first place. I just still can't get
past this. I don't know why, I try so
hard, and I just can't let go of the
betrayal and hurt I felt. I cry myself
to sleep almost every night. Sometimes I
panic so much that I just shake and feel
like i'm going to throw up. It's
horrible . . . At this very moment I
am feeling it. Because he got off work
at 12 (and said he would call me when he's
off), and it is now 12:15.....It's been
only 15 minutes and i'm already freaking
out. I really hate this. I hate the
way I am. Thanks for listening, and
thanks for your help. Means more to me
then you could know
:)
i just now read this part. I would have
added this to my previous post, but
anyway.....
You mentioned that you are not past the
hurt and betrayal you are feeling. I
don't know what your life was like when
you were growing up, but i'm sure that you
were hurt many times in life. I am going
to explain a session with my pyschologist
with you.
She drew me a picture on a dry erase board
of the outline of a ginger bread boy...Or
girl. It was blank on the inside. She
defined the blank ginger bread boy as the
way we all were when we were a baby. We
had not yet experienced any negative
words, actions, or feelings. As we grow,
there are times that our parents or
someone else might scold you. Each time I
came up with an example of a time I might
have felt hurt, the pyschologist drew a
little circle inside the gingerbread boy.
We went through childhood all the way up
to the present. By the time that we were
through just giving small basic examples,
the inside of the ginger bread boy was
covered with spots....Spots that could
cause negative emotions such as hurt,
betrayal, or just plain low self esteem.
By never letting any of those go, it is
easy to see how jumbled your emotions and
thoughts must be. All of that can build
up to the point that if affects your
relationships the way your's have. To try
and fix these things...And make the
gingerbread boy blank again, my
pyschologist gave me homework. I was told
to think about everyone who had hurt me in
my life, and then write them a letter
letting them know how I felt. I was to
really express my feelings no matter how
hateful or scary they may have been. I
was then to either distroy or keep the
letters, but then move on and leave those
experiences behind. That exercise really
helped me, so I hope that it will help you
as well.
I have a lot more advice for you, but I
figure this isn't the best place to try
and give it. Also, I don't want to try to
be a substitute for a trained individual.
I just want to offer support because I
know what it's like to go insane wondering
if the person you love is going to leave
you. I don't want things to get as bad
for you as they did for me.
|
x0x-Andrea
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2005 Posts: 63 Location: Vancouver
Posted: 06-09-06 11:57am
Thank you so much for all of your
advice.
Here I am now, it has been just over a
year since me and my boyfriend have been
together, and I am still not doing well.
The nightmares continue, and the panic
attacks and.....Everything else. I cry
myself to sleep and if anything, things
are just getting worse. Because now me
and my boyfriend fight all the time, over
stupid things, and we say the meanest
things to each other. I feel sometimes as
if we are only together because it's
convienient for the both of us. He
doesn't like being alone and either do i.
I never tell any of this to my friends,
because the roll their eyes at me and call
me stupid. Me and my boyfriend
unfortunately have a very materialistic
relationship, and because of that, my
friends think that everything is perfect,
so I will try to say something and it is
ignored. Only one of my friends lets me
tell her everything that happens, and she
listens carefully to my feelings. She
tells me that I should figure out what is
happening, because I might end up screwing
things up even bigger.
I just feel stuck. I feel sad all the
time. Even when I am with him. The
minute he leaves me house, I go into my
room and just cry, because I didn't want
him to leave. I know I will see him the
next day, but I hate seeing him leave.
Even though we fight a lot, the good times
even it all out. We still have a lot of
good and loving times together, and that
makes me feel as if I still want to be
with him.
But, I can't believe that I am still
having those stupid nightmares. Almost
everynight.
I am only 17, I know it is young, and my
boyfriend turns 18 in two days. I am so
scared, this is when I think we will break
up. He will want to go out all the time
with his friends and get drunk, and I will
be ignored and alone. I have had so many
nightmares lately, that he comes to me and
says he wants to just be alone.
And everyday he tells me how much he loves
me, I say it back, but in my head I can't
stop thinking, "if you really did love me
as much as you say, you would have never
hurt me the way you did". Not only this,
I feel as if the whole 5 months before our
breakup was nothing but a lie. I think of
any memories we made together before them
as a lie. Whenever I think of it, it
makes me sad.