been living for a year in a foreign country, latin american, very conservative. Got fired, was about to leave but I got a chance at a new job... Had to do it right.
Well, you know how it goes, too much pressure, and i'm back on coke. Hard. And I don't like it one fn bit... Last time I quit I did it by myself... But I had the time, family and friends... Not so here.
Can't get into rehab or any kind of program. Small city, word gets out, I get fired... Can't quit and go back to my country and be unemployed.
You may not like what I am going to say, but itâs the truth. If you are strung out on coke like you say you are, there is a very good chance that you canât stop all by yourself. It is a powerful thing, and it will never let you go for free, never! You may be in way deeper than you even realize. Then again, maybe you do know how bad off you are.
That job you donât want to lose, it will be history sooner or later. Your boss knows something is wrong, and one day he or she is going to let you go. A coke freak makes for a crappy employee. You know this.
You donât need to go back to your country, you donât need to do anything. But if nothing in your life changes, things are going to get a lot worse than they are now. You know this too.
You are telling us what you canât do. Cant get to an na meeting, people will know. Pal, people probably already know. Being a full time addict and trying to keep it a secret donât work. People arenât idiots, the people around you see more than you think they do.
Get into real recovery, narcotics anonymous where you are, or bottom out hard, and do so wherever you wind up. Your options are really quite limited, I think you know that as well.