I Dont Know What to Label This As.

Hi sweety you are not alone trust me. Yesterday I had a bad conversation with a friend on the phone and then she called me back and I was in the middle of puking. Sometimes I can't believe myslef I am like "hi one second" as I wipe the vomit off my hands and face.

Omg I know exactly what you mean yesterday I got into a big arguement with this guy I like n he mad me feel so bad that I went for a jog for like 30 mins n then I came home n I puked out my guts n I was whiping off the puke form my hands n stuff n I looked in the mirror n I litterly balled my eyes out. But its hard to tell your friends you know even if its like your best friend because you know that if you guys get into an argument she has somethin to say agenst you you know and then also too you dont know how theyll respond.. But yeah thanks for repling back hope we'll stay in touch .. P/s : do u think I should let my best friend kno bout me or not ?

Hi- well it is a big decision to tell anyone but it htink it is a start in the right direction. If u think your friend will be able to help you and will be supportive they migt be a good person to tell. Are you getting any help? Has the vomiting been going on long?

Hey - no im not, and no it hasent ive only noticed its been on for about a week n a half now it started when I had the tummy flu and I couldnt eat anything at all and then from there I started getting better but now I just keep throwing things up, I talked to my docter about it but all he said was that it could be still the tummy flu but I know its not cause im the one making me throw up not the flu you know so he told me to go for blood work which im going for tomarrow and then I guess we'll have to see what happends. But what should I do ? Cause its like even tho I try to stop its like no matter what I eat I throw it up.

Hi jjrt14-
hope you are doing alright. Ok so you said you are making youself throw up. So I am guessing you are sticking your fingers down your throat. Let me know if I am wrong. And did u tell the Dr. That you r doing it yourself? Does it feel good to throw up when you are upset? Maybe I am jumping to conclusions I guess I am a little confused. Is this starting because when you were sick and throwing up you were losing weight and you didn't want that to end.

Hey
k what happend was that I came down with the tummy flu and I couldnt hold anythin down and everything that went into my system I would throw up then I started feeling better but even now I get turned off by food and I feel like I have to throw up and no im not putting my fingers down my throt, I either gag until something comes out or I sqeeze my tummy really really hard and then the food comes up. But I dont know what it is cause I dont like my body or the way I look but then I dont know. Grr I need help!
{ talk to u later }

Ok ... I am sorry this is going on. Maybe since u couldn't keep anything down you don't have your normal appetite and your stomach doesn't knwo what to do with the food. If I throw up constantly for days I don't feel hungry and my stomach gets upset if I eat. I would say you need to try really hard to keep a couple of meals down and then u will start to feel better. Start off with a small meal something bland maybe that u think u can handle and if u start to feel gross take a beak.
Inezrina

Hey thanks but I dont know, now whenever I look at food I get turned off like as if eww no I shouldn't u know or I think thats going to go straight to my thighs or hips or tummy n then what ? U know but I dont know is this all normal or not ? And then somedays I through up everything and then other days I can hold it down but then the next day it comes up.. Am I making any sense ? But yeah thanks, talk to u soon. P/s: how did this happen for you if u dont mind me asking ?

Hi jjrt14-
i know how it feels to be so confused and not understand what is going on. I don't really know what exactly to say other than it sounds like u have a problem u got in to this place where u are not keeping enough food in your system and now u r kind of stuck. This is not normal, having the stomach flu should not cause u to feel this way about food I can understnad having a hard time getting you appetite back but worrying that the food will go to a certain part of your body is a not true and it is not healthy. I am sorry I wish coulod say more but I am not sure what to say I don't feel like I know enough about you. Have you worried about your weight in the past? Are you happy in your life?

Ok about me... Since I was 8 I competed in a sport and I just never had the body for it pretty much coaches told me to lose weight along with judges. I was always on a diet I mean always and when I was 14 it started to get a bit more out of control I took diet pills and I limited mysefl to 500 calories a day and I exercised compulsively and I was really sick. All I cared about was losing weight I really had to go ok I don't care if I don't have the strength to compete well in my sport I have to be skinnier. When I was 15 I broke my jaw and for the first few days with surgery and everything I didn't eat at all and once I was supposed to be able to suck through a straw I didn't want to eat I was the sitting there thinking this was the perfect opportunity to lose weight. I am now 19 and from 14 on I was always dieting or rather attempting to starve myslef and then last year I was 18 it was my first year in college and I really began to throw up. When I had done it before I wasn't able to throw up much food so I did other things instead but I started throwing up everything. I got really depressed and I was freaking out about school and I couldn't function like at all when I would see my one friend who knew all I would do is cry and she kept saying I had to get help. Finally almost a year ago now I started going to therapy. I am still in therapy but my bulimia is still bad I don't now what is going to happen right now it is like ok am I going to try and get better but so much of me doesn't care I was in love and now I am heartbroken and I don't feel like going on or struggling any longer.

Hey, I completly understand what you just said.. Ill tell you my side of the story and why this all happend to me.
When I was little my parents devorced.. For a few years I lived with my mom but then my dad got custody over me and my brother and ever since grade six ive been living with him. My mom has this problem were she'll be gone for days even weeks at a time and me and my brother wouldnt be able to get ahold of her, then all of a sudden shed pop up and give us this phony excuse as why we couldnt get ahold of her, which really upset me alot because I knew she was lieing. As for my dad me and him never got along we would always argue and fight and I went through a great depression in grade 8 - 10. I would cut myself and try to hurt myself because my dad would always put me down nothing was ever enough for him either I would be to fat or to skinny or I wouldn't get a high enough mark in school that he liked and I was just sooo sick and tierd of trying to make him happy while at the same time I wasent happy with myself either I would be happy one day and then the next I wouldnt be or I would be happy n be like look at me I have everythin I love im spoiled I love the way I look and then other days I would wake up and be like ewww look at me im sooo ugly and I would cry myself to sleep and ever since then I would always be sick with something running in and out of hospitals docters from docters even now at the age of 17 im still going from hospital to hospital and im soooo sick of it that I just wanna give up some days and die or kill myself you know but then other days I can be sooo happy and when people ask me whats wrong I either make something up saying o I have a headache or something so I dont have to tell them actully whats going on you know, but I dont know whats wrong with me like when people ask me ill be like im fine dont worry about it u know but then deep down inside ill be like .. :( there is something wrong with me but I just dont know how to tell it to someone or actully come out with it you know so then im like .. Ahhhhh!!! Cause im holding all that I want to say inside. Sometimes I think about going to concilling but then I think why do I want to tell a stranger my problems when I wouldnt even tell my best friends you know. But I dont know maybe ill try to talk to someone.. Actully to be honest your the only person that I have been talking to about this and I feel really good being able to talk to someone that is going through the same thing you know id prefer talking to someone whos been through this rather than talking to some therapist thats probably just going to say yeah you have a problem you know. But yeah I also do alot of sports too I excerise every day work out everyday dance everyday.. But im happy when I dance im able to bring the happy side of me out but then when I come home im like im sooo fat.. And through up everything you know. So yeah I dont know what else to say but if I think of more ill respond so ill talk to u soon
jess

Jess-
i am sorry I didn't get back to you sooner I was out of town. Thank you for sharing your story wiht me I know how hard it can be to write about. I totally understand how you are fine somedays and then so depressed others. I am the same way last week I threw up everyday multiple times and then this weekend I was liek fine and happy go figure. Also I know what you mean about talkign to a stranger about your problems and maybe they no nothing about the stuff you have been through. But counselors do go through a lot of schooling and what I think is interesting is that they don't pick there profession for nothing. I love that my therapist was definitely messed up and she decided to be a therapist when she was really depressed an no one listened to her. I can tell her the worst thouhgts I have and the most painful things too and I swear I can't shock her.
M

Hey thanks for understanding id rather talk to you and you help me out u know cause then u can actully give me advice on what to do because you've been through it. Im sorry you have to go through all that as well. Well I told my best friend.. And shes being really suportive shes been helping me out n when im done shell make me laugh and stuff. I really thought she would look at it different if I told her u know cause we've always brought up bout o what if one of us did this what would the other one do u know but we never really talked about eating disorders. But yeah hows everything going with you what are you doing for xmas and new years ? Going out ? Celebrating at all ? Lol its dec. 22 n I still havent done my xmas shoppin lol. But yeah im not really in the mood this yr but o well... Well I gotta go. Hope to talk to you soon one - jess

merry christmas and a happy new year! :d