Having had a baby at the age of 16, I agree with some of what you said and am deeply offended by the rest! Would you rather teenage girls go on hiding the fact that their pregnant, become too scared to go to the doctors, and risk the health of their unborn children rather than face the wrath of someone with your point of view? And it is not only teen mothers who let their kids get a way with too much, at too young an age, and decide to live their own lives again once their kid reaches a certain level of maturity. Yes, with teenage parents this does happen, but it happens with many parents of every race and age. That's like saying that the worst drivers are only teenagers, simply because they are the least experienced! Is that really a fair conclusion? I don't think so....
and to top it all off, you're standing up there on your 'i knew not to get pregnant!' pedestal, acting and sounding as if you would rather these girls not come to the board at all. Don't you think there is a chance that the experience of being pregnant and becoming a mother might be aided by hearing the encouraging, more positive side of pregnancy, rather than the "you're too young - what the hell were you thinking?!"
all I am trying to say is, yes, the rate of teenage pregnancy is soaring, canada, u.S. And beyond. But you looking down on teens isn't going to stop it, and acting like you are just way smarter than them won't either.
The teens that have come to this board are most likely already pg, so instead of being condescending, try supportive. I'm not saying to condone and agree with teen pregnancy, but not to be abbrasive and harsh to them because they made a choice in their lives that you may not neccesarily agree with.
Try to remember that this is quite likely the most emotional thing these girls have gone through, and they may very well be getting negative treatment from most who know them already. I don't think they need any extra 'tough love' from us.

No. The message in my post is that young, teen aged girls do not protect themselves. If you read their posts, they are not using bc or condoms. This is irresponsible and there is no reason in this day and age that we cannot protect against pregnancy. If an accident occurs in the even of using bc then it's not something we can do about...But we can start by prevention...Which many girls are failing to do. I asked one 17 year old and she said it costs $20 to buy pills. She has a job and doesn't want to "bother" her mother about it so, she'd rather risk being pregnant. Is this okay? You are saying there is nothing wrong with it...Lets show them the possitives of being a pregnant teen instead.

It is in the best interest of every child that the parents are ready for the child. There are too many sad stories of girls who cannot take care of their children properly. Never did I say that these girls arent' good mothers...But that they don't want to be mothers...Yet they are not taking precautions either. That I don't understand...

My mother had me at 16 ... My mom didnt want me to see my father.. I just met him a week ago.... I am not trying to get pregnet...

Its true, but not many teens will listen...

I agree with some of what you said, and am pretty outraged at the rest. I understand that there is a pretty big increase in teen pregnancy these days, but wouldn't you rather it be an increase in teen mothers, then teen abortions? I commend these girls who step up to the plate and take on the responsibilities they knew they were making themselves vulnerable to when they had sex. Now just because I support these girls living up to what they have done, doesn't mean i'm an advocate for babies having babies. A huge amount of teens having sex do use some method of bc, but believe it or not, most aren't knowledgable on how to use it correctly.Is that their fault? No, that's where the parents need to step in and open their eyes to what their children are doing, that's where the clinics where they're getting their bc needs to properly educate these girls before handing them a packet of pills and sending them on their way. Do you think girls who have sex do it with intentions of becoming a mother in 9 months? Absolutely not, so for you to sit there and speak as if they're intentionally doing this is wrong. And by you disagreeing so harshly with these girls isn't going to stop them, it's going to make it worst. Instead of spewing such vapid words and castigating them, why don't you support them through this. Don't you think they know what they've done? And all the people around them judging and assuming things...Us girls in this forum are here to lend support, comfort, advice, positivity to these girls, regardless of the "mistakes" they've made. Teen mothers have such a stereotype against them it's ridiculous. Once again age is being held as an excuse as to why these girls can't make it. Well guess what, they are making it. They're beating the odds and overcoming stereotypical assumptions...Ever heard of the saying, "if it's meant to be it'll be"? Well, if god intended on their lives to start at such a young age then so be it. Diversity is what makes this world. Obviously it was meant for your mother to have had you at such a young age, or else she would have decided against the pregnancy...Thank god she didn't or you wouldn't be sitting here right now....Point is, we're not here to judge, we're here to help

My point is prevention!!!! Which many of these girls don't even do!!

Ask them...Most are not on birth control of any kind and some got pregnant or think they are because they didn't use a condom. What is outrageous about that? That is my point...Prevention ladies and gentleman...Prevention..Otherwise, i'd rather not hear it. They made the mistake of not preventing. If it happens by accident because the birthcontrol method didn't work. That in itself is a different story!

You can prevent it and all but you have to understand those are the facts of life we werent all raised the same way and we dont all know about it I am 19 year old mother of a 21 month old and I believe in my head that I accomplish everything and now its time for me to live it I work in an attorneys office my husband is now getting into the marines I know we are not all as lucky but understand that men can also prevent this if they dont want it either many of these girls dont know whats the deal and are very curious about it and dont even think please be more considerate of these girls thats why there is a forum on teen pregnancy so we can all help and if you dont want to read it dont go in the forum

See, your opinion is bias becuase you are a 21 year old mom.

I don't mind looking at the forums. I have given advise to girls but
what erks me are the ones that say,

"i had unprotected sex two weeks ago. Am I pregnant. I'm 16"

that is irresponsible and girls have to start taking care of themselves. I'm not wrong!

I'm with miner on this. Just as I posted when I first came in here...I'm here for any teen that is already pregnant, because what is done is done...And I try my best not to put them down...However as for the teens that are not there...There are a lot of places that will provide free birth control, without parental concent...So if you are having sex...Make your way to a phone book, or website, and look up assistance for adolescent sex. You will feel much better, not worrying as much about sex. But I do relize that accidents do happen, even when using b/c, so try to be absedent, if you definelty do not want...Or are not ready for a child.

Good luck and god bless everyone,

jennifer

p.S.-this does not just go for teens, but for everyone...If you are having sex...Make sure that you relize that it may produce a baby!

Here is the thing, minewater is speaking from experience. Growing up with a teenage mother, who may not be able to give a child everything it would need financially and emotionally is going to be hard on the child and the mother. I disagree with who ever said that most of the girls who post on this forum are already pregnant. Most of the post I have read from teens are questions like, "can you get pregnant from having your cherry popped?"or " my b-friend robbed up against me with his underwear on, can I be pregnant?" these teens don't even have a clue how to create a baby, let alone take care of one. Telling sexually actives teens about birth control is not a bad thing.

Insurancegirl - thank you!!!

This is just it. You cannot control what has already happened but we need to get those teenaged girls that are having unprotected sex.

I started early and went to a clinic for teens (and they dont call home, etc) and I was paying $7.00 for pills per month. My boyfriend and I split the cost. We also used condoms. The pills were a backup.
I'm on the pill and very religeous user. I'm in a very serious relationship, I live with my boyfriend and we don't want a baby any time soon. But, if it were to happen, it wouldn't be the end of the world for either of us...We wouldn't stress much so, we dont' use condoms but I don't mind if I get pregnant. You have to know what you want and don't want. If you know you cannot support a baby..Don't even risk it!

The other thing is yes, I am speaking in experience of a teenaged mother.

My mom had me at 17. I grew up with no father, but men half more her age to fill the gap. She became an alcoholic because of a man. (that's a different story)

she struggled and had 2 jobs. I lived with my grandmother for 2 years during jr and sr kindergarden, visiting with my mom on weekends because of her 2 jobs. My mom became a waitress because it was the most money she could make (in the 80s you could make a killing) and now she's stuck. She has no other education.
Because she was so young, partying was sometimes more of a priority than me so I spent lots of time with my grandma. When my grandma lived with us for 2 years after her divorce, my mom never came home before 9pm. And if she did, she would be drunk. That went on for a few years.
And her and I don't have a very good relationship...Unfortunately. Her partying was more important because she couldnt do it when it counted.
Mind you, now that I know her, I dont' think she would have had any children if it were her choice. She never did want to have anymore after me and never was very motherly.
Once I turned about 16 the teenager in her came back and she went crazy for a few years partying and everything...
It is nice to have a mom that can see on your level and understand that you are experiencing new things in life. I didn't get much greif for anything but would I trade it in for a nice family of mother, father, siblings, nice home/house...Good family values? Yes... Because I had it hard.

Miner,

i am with you on helping...However, there are teens that will put their children before partying...And i'm one of them. I also want to fight against..Unwanted teen pregnancy. But as for me, I got preg at 16, and had my son when I was 17 and 2 mo...And he was my life, other than working and going to school, which was really hard. I now go to work and spend the time after with my kids and my hubby, and don't look to party or go out all the time. Me and my hubby have house parties together, once the kids are asleep, and it is not loud or obnoxious, just a few friends hanging out. Most of the time we just hang out together and talk until about 2am. So to those who are preg...It can work out, you just have to be willing to put your life towards your family!

Good luck to everyone,

jennifer

I totally agree with you minerwater you are so right but what I was trying to say its life there are girls out there that dont know anything about this and need help sometimes its too late girls can definitely be responsible if they wanted to; what mother would like their 13 14 15 16 etc.... Telling her "i am going to start having sex can you take me to get birth control" its hard and I agree with you they can do it and I would rather them be abstinent any day I was a and am a teen mom as well and if I would turn beck the time and waited gone to prom and all that good stuff I would but now its too late I wouldnt change my toots for nothing in this world I wasnt trying to be judgemental but its a fact and we are only here to help and give advice and maybe we can teach our kids principles and the consequences

P.S. Im not 21 year old mother i'm 19

While I agree with many aspects of your post I don’t agree with the way you come off towards these young women. Yes your right they are having unprotected sex but you can yell and belittle them as much as you want and that’s not going to make them slip on a condom before having sex. I have a feeling that due to your upbringing you yourself are biased towards teenage mothers because of your bad experience with one. The truth is most of these don’t want to get pregnant however most of them are making wonderful mothers. This site isn’t about judgement it’s about helping someone in their time of need and that means not getting angry with them for not using the proper protection. Although it’s frustrating and I do condone repeating that protection is very important it is not our place or anyone else’s to judge anyone. They’ve made mistakes, so have all of us and you telling them that they are idiots and should use protection is not going to help them in the situation they might be in right now. The fact is they didn’t so help them get through their pregnancy, abortion or adoption.

Ok miner, I know that your mom was a teen mother, but that is not the reason she partied the way she did! My mother is addicted to narcotics, she had me at 21, I was planned and she was married. When I was 6 she got into crystal meth and drinking. As of now my mom is in and out of rehab and psych wards because she constantly overdoses on vicodin, sleeping pills, methadone, oxycontin. I love my mother to death, but I have raised my sisters, she sent us to live with my abusive father for 5 years and I took care of them and protected them from his beatings the best I could and now I am trying to protect them from my mom's mental abuse. I know that you feel 20 times older than you should and when u were 16 you probably wanted to hang out and not worry where your mom was at 3 am, but its not just moms who had kids as teens, its moms of all ages, with or without kids!

I agree with some of what all of you said. Miner is not trying to be mean or harsh to these girls. She already said if it happens it happens. She is only in disbelief that there are still so many teen pregnancies. So am i. Yes, not all people are raised the same, but if you do not know about birth control then I don't know what to tell ya. If you have ever been in health class, or turned on the television, then you know enough to get some form of birth control. And I don't know about other states, but I know that my state offers b/c pill, diaphrams, condoms, foam and various other forms of b/c free to women under the age of 18. They provide pap tests and std screenings at no charge and without parental permission. If they need to get in contact with you they will call your home and give a fake name, so that you know to call them back. Yes, this may be going against some parental wishes, however it does prevent pregnancies! And if it is a money issue, I am sure that the government would rather pay for preventative measures then assistance for a mother and child.
O.K I am getting carried away. What I am trying to say is, I am glad that these girls have a place to go and talk. And I really do not think that miner was trying to yell at or belittle anyone. But for those teen girls, and women who do not want babies, they will hopefully think about what miner said. No b/c is fullproof except for not having sex. But it is more intelligent to use some form of b/c at least to protect yourself from std's. I just really dont think that a lot of people realize the seriousness of bringing a person into this world until it is too late to change your mind.
Anyway, I hope I did not offend anyone. Like I said, I do not look down on anyone. Accidents happen. Miracles happen. But if you are not ready, just take precautions.

While I realize I haven't been around for a while, i'd still like to add a little something to this conversation. One of the biggest reasons people give advice on this forum is to extend empowerment through education and knowledge to women of all ages. I believe that's what's the original post was trying to do.

Someone said the guys should have some part in the responsibility of birth control and the ensurement of not getting pregnant. But we as women, of any age, need to be empowered enough to say no to sex without a condom and being on birth control.

Knowledge is power ladies. Educate yourself on every aspect of sexuality. Know every single way you can get pregnant and every way possible to prevent it. Be up to speed on the many kinds of std's and how they're transmitted. Condoms are not just so you don't get pregnant. They are protecting you from diseases. I know that we've all heard this in sex education, but remember that every person you sleep with, you get the privilege of sex with everyone they've ever slept with and so on. So, maybe your boyfriend is the only one you've ever been with. But how many people has he been with and how many people have each of those people been with? It all seems like fun and games now; but let's say you're not pregnant this time and you keep having dangerous sex. What if you get a disease that can be passed on to your unborn child when you do get pregnant? These are all things to be considered.

My point is, maybe your boyfriend doesn't want to use birth control. Well, it's time that we stand up for ourselves and say no without it. There is an aids epidemic spreading out of control. Being a teenager and diagnosed with an incurable disease isn't something you want happening.

Even though i'm married and my pregnancy was planned, I can say there are a lot of challenges. It's even more difficult if you don't have someone there to support you. (the father)

so, she's right. We should be smarter than this. Someone said they agree but that it's not going to change or whatever. Well, it can. It starts right here. If one person that visits this site finds out that they're not pregnant and from there begins to protect herself, then that's wonderful. There's no reason why everyone shouldn't do that. Learn from your mistakes while you're young. Everyone makes mistakes. If you find out you're not pregnant, begin protecting yourself. If you find out you are, you still need to protect yourself in the future. There's no reason to continue having more children in this fashion if you're not prepared. And being a mother is great and can even be great when you're a teenager. But more often than not, that is not the case. Be a teen while you have the chance.

Most of the teens i've talked to say that they have a right to engage is sexual intercourse. They're an adult, etc... Well ladies, it's time we start acting like adults. I condemn no one for having sex, but let's be knowledgeable shall we.