I've been feeling very similar to this first -poster...

I've suffered from anxiety and depression before, but never like I do now. I've always been able to pick myself up before, but right now I just can't. It's horrible.

In the last few months my life has become 100% about other people. I have a very demanding, stressful job, but I also co-run a couple of very busy online forums, have been trying to write a book and have emails flying in every other minute. I literally barely get a minute to myself.

I've been with my partner for over four years, and she's great and very understanding. Recently, with work, I went to a party that involved lots of free drinks. Somehow, I totally let go and overdid it, and felt as though i'd had a great night. The next day I was hungover and hazy, but fine.

A day or so later, that weekend, I began to get totally paranoid. I work in an office full of women, so was out with 'the girls' from work. One of my workmates, who i'm good friends with, and I spent most of the evening closely chatting and laughing together. We had a great time, linked arms on the way home and generally had a lot of fun. I know that I was probably friendlier than usual, but I know for sure that nothing happened, despite the drink, as I remember almost all of it and there's been no funny vibes. Yet, despite this, I become totally paranoid. I have never been with anybody other than my partner, and would know deep inside if I had- I know nothing did. Somehow, that weekend, a voice started popping up in my head telling me that things did happen. It's become worse and worse- I had about a week without this feeling- over the last three or four weeks. Whenever I am calm and rational, I know, 100% without doubt, that nothing did happen, yet, whenever this thought enters my head, it's like i'm going insane. I pace round inside my own head screaming at myself, get angry, hot flushes, sweating and panicky. It is utterly horrible.

I know this is some form of parnoia or similar because i've been feeling like it about other things. When I was a kid I was bullied, and had no confidence. Now i'm in a tough job that requires me to be confident, and I have been, but this is tearing me apart.

There were a number of recent incidents I can cite that may have something to do with this...

I was very nearly mugged at knifepoint. I managed to see off my attackers, but my confidence has dropped horribly since because I didn't physically defend myself- I more ran away and I feel like a failure

i was out christmas shopping with my partner recently and pretty much got attacked for no reason by a much older, bigger man. He didn't hit me, but he very nearly did, and I was angry, hurt and terrified afterwards

this incident at the party

i can no longer hold my drink well at all, and seem to just drink ridiculously quickly for no reason

i also recently had a flu jab due to repeated illness, but still get frequently unwell

the stresses of my job/vocational work

as well as being paranoid about that incident, I also feel immense guilt about everything. I feel like a failure, worthless and a fraud for being in such a good job. I worry about money, my health, pleasing everybody...

This is utterly, utterly horrible and unbearable. Last night was the worst yet as I woke up in bed screaming inside. I normally sleep well, recently i've barely been sleeping at all.

I understand i'm new to this forum and this is a big ask, but any help or advice would be amazing...You may be saving my sanity