Me and my wife seperated a month ago and I
moved out last week. First off there was
never any cheating by either one of us it
was never a issue. What happened is after
a time I lost sight of what she ment to me
and I got addicted to the computer. We
had a happy beginning, we had a dream come
true beginning. When I met her she had 2
kids alrdy and had never been married
before. They were still young one a baby
and one almost 2. They never knew there
dad. I thought about if I wanted to get
involved with this situation or not but I
fell so inlove with her that I didnt care
what layed ahead. I fell inlove with them
and took them as my own and as far as they
knew I was there dad. Our relationship
was the best thing I had ever been
involved in the best thing she had ever
been involved in. I treated her like my
queen becouse she was. We ended up
married 3 years later with our son on his
way. Then the problems started I lost my
job and she was the only one working I
fell into a depresion like I was
worthless. I got addicted to going on the
computer and would choose it over her more
often then naught. She would cry becouse
she went to bed by herself and I didnt
seem to care. I know how I felt about her
but it was blocked for some reason. Then
a month ago we got into a fight were
things were said that shouldnt of. Thats
when she told that she relized back in
july that she wasnt inlove with me anymore
thats why she always started going out all
the time. I noticed and started getting
off the computer when she was around and
argued with her to stay home and spend
time with me. But then the fight and I
was to late. Now she talkes to me like we
have never been together for 6 years like
she never loved me. Over the past month I
have been doing nothing but trying to show
her I love her and that im srry for
everything I have done. But she told me
it was to late that she wanted a
seperation to see if she could miss me. I
still didnt stop trying to talk to her I
didnt give her the space she needed. She
told me I was pushing her away more and
more everyday I talked about it but it
hurt so much from having her hug me and
tell me she loves me to her not even
wanting me to hold her hand and not
hearing I love you the next that I couldnt
stop talking to her about it. So finally
she told me that she has had enough and
didnt want to be together anymore at all
that I pushed her away to much. So I left
thinking that that would make things
alittle better. But it didnt it went the
wrong way. She went from filing for a
seperation to filing for a divorce from
saying there may be a chance one day to
there is no chance that she doesnt want it
anymore. There is a co-worker that tried
to be with her before but she told him
that she was in a relationship. But now
hes the one comin by the house to give her
money or spend time with her. I asked her
how she could be with someone so fast
after I leave and she says shes not that
hes just a friend. But give me a break
why wasnt he a friend when I was around.
It hurts so bad that she is giving the
love that I once had from her to someone
else. I went there on saturday to get
some more stuff and she has totally wiped
the place clean of me from the family
portait to the concert tickets in the
mirror. How did I push her away more by
just telling her I love her and trying to
tell her how sorry I am and know I did
wrong and just wanted to fix it. Have I
really pushed her away for good or is she
just mad right now. She told me to get my
life together and ask for a chance in a
year but how can I sit and see if she
finds someone else or is with someone else
when I love her so much. There seams to
be nothing I can do to get back with her
and as I get farther away from her heart
her co-worker is getting closer. I love
her so much I see her as my once in a
lifetime love or I would of never married
her. She doesnt want to go to a marriage
counsling, she doesnt want to even talk to
me or anything to do with me. How could I
possibly push her away that much. I wish
she would realize that im sorry and I want
to make it up to her. I just want my wife
back in my arms so I can show her what she
means to me and never have her feel
unloved or unwanted again. Am I to late
is there anything I can do or is my life
going to be miserable evertime I see her
for the kids for the rest of my life?
Please someone help me I have tried
everything and am at my wits end im
depressed lost 30lbs and dont even want to
be here without her and my kids with me I
know I shouldnt be like that am im not
going to but thats just how I feel. I
love her and the kids so much I want to be
the husband she deserves. Help with some
advice on what I can do please and
thankyou.
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cooperdooper
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2006 Posts: 12
Posted: 01-24-06 00:18am
Aww. I know how you feel im kinda in a
similar situation I felt like I was
loosing my fiance. I must be completely
honest with you. But first... You
need to build some confidence hunny!!!
Your a prize to most women from what
you've said! Be proud of who you are.
I know you love her so much and that a
great start but you need to be prepared
either way it goes. You have something
great to offer the girl of your dreams may
it be her or someone else. And if it
isnt her then that only means there is
someone better to come! I know it might
not be what you want to hear now but you
need to know before you get her back that
you are soo special and important. As
for her im sure if she is acting the way
she is that she held her feeling in alot
longer then you noticed. I think she
thinks its too late. But if you go to
counseling by yourself thats still a 50%
chance! And 50% is way better then 0%.
Take this seriously and go see a
counciler if you really want to fix things
because chances are she wants who you use
to be and you just need help being that
person. If things dont work out then
you know it wasnt meant to be and that you
are stronger for it and you really are a
good man and you'll find your mate sooner
then you think. I hope I helped. I
know it might be hard to take but honesty
is my only policy
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 01-24-06 15:11pm
You should have given her space when she
asked for it.I broke up with my x of 3yrs
now, I said there was a chance we would be
together again but I need my space.He was
over my place everyday and gave me no
space at all.He did the same thing you
did,tell me he loved me and all,but him
not givingm e space made it worss and I
told him we were never getting back
together.He ended up with my little sister
to make me jealous but it didn't work and
now he has 2 children with her. The
best thing to do is just let it go,i know
it hurts to hear that but its the truth.
If she realizes she loves you she will
come back.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 01-24-06 15:11pm
You should have given her space when she
asked for it.I broke up with my x of 3yrs
now, I said there was a chance we would be
together again but I need my space.He was
over my place everyday and gave me no
space at all.He did the same thing you
did,tell me he loved me and all,but him
not giving me space made it worss and I
told him we were never getting back
together.He ended up with my little sister
to make me jealous but it didn't work and
now he has 2 children with her. The
best thing to do is just let it go,i know
it hurts to hear that but its the truth.
If she realizes she loves you she will
come back.
|
whynotus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 01-25-06 18:35pm
I realized all this 2 late. Things
started looking better but then all of a
sudden it all changed. She went 2 days
ago to file for the divorce. I know it is
defently over now becouse she always told
me it wasn't over till she filed. I have
turned my life around like I would never
believe I could, but it ended up being to
late for her to care anymore. I would
like to thank everyone for there posts.
Life cant pass you by if you just open
your eyes.
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undecidedInCO
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Colorado
Posted: 02-03-06 12:11pm
I'm in your wife's position. I was loyal
and loving and did everything for my
husband when we first met. He never
really reciprocated the love and I don't
think he knew how much I loved him. I
put up with a lot of crap from him in the
beginning (including fighting for his
attention when he had his head in the
computer) and it wore me down. I started
building up a wall and he finally started
knocking his down....Now, mine's 10 feet
high & his is gone.
I, too, feel it's too late. I needed him
to be this man 9 years ago...Not wait
until the very end to realize how good he
has/had it. He's great when he thinks
i'm on the verge of leaving. If I were
to try and love him again, he'd revert to
his old ways. I know this for a fact
because we've gone through this cycle
every 2-3 months for the past year.
This is a miserable position to be in, and
i'm sorry she's so fed up. Realize that
people change and learn from this
experience. It's painful for everyone
involved, but you have to move on. Give
her space, try to live your own life and
be a good person. She needs to find
herself again and try to be happy. You
need to try and be happy, too. It will
happen, but it will also take time.
Good luck, though.
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whynotus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 02-03-06 17:59pm
Well it has been awhile since my last post
on this subject and things have gotten
better between us. I think she is seeing
that I ment everything I said and things
have gone from us not even being able to
talk to eachother to having conversations
to hugs and kisses goodbye or hello. I
have gotten back to work finally and have
been taking care not only of her bills at
the house but my bills at my place. I
still treat the kids like my own and take
them out all the time. Alot of people say
of course things look better shes using
you now that you are giving her money and
watching the kids all the time, but you
know what it doesn't matter to me becouse
I owe her! And even thoe she left me 4
months ago now I still feel like she
diserves everything I give her and more.
I just hope she really realizes I mean it
all and love her unconditionaly :!:
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Melissa569
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 27 Location: San Fransisco Bay Area
Posted: 06-03-06 06:02am
Undecidedinco---
oh my god, I soooooooo kno what you mean!
Are you sure we're not married to the
same man? Hahhaa
whynotus----yeah, she deffinitely needed
space!!! Not just for herself, but for
you too. She probably figured you guys
needed to decide if you really wanted to
be together. Maybe she thought you were
ignoring her because she couldn't hold
your interest. Because she wasn't the
right woman for you and you weren't right
for her.
Also, on the note of ignoring her, the
problem is that pain....Well......Hurts.
See, your wife was in alot of pain when
she was being ignored. I would say
about the same amount of pain you felt
when you realized you had lost her.
No one wants to subject themselves to a
lifetime of that kind of pain. You
know all that pain you felt when she was
gone? Well, your wife felt that by
staying with you, she was sentencing
herself to a lifetime of the same
anguish.
Every time you ignored her, every time you
chose a computer or other activity, or a
buddy over her when you knew she was in
pain, you were telling her "what i'm doing
is far more important than you will ever
be. That's why I do it all the time
and you are always up on a
shelf."---weather you meant to send off
that message or not.
Women have a deep, burning desire to be #1
in our lover's life. The one he cannot
stay away from. His reason for
breathing. To us, that is a sign that
we are cherished and wanted. When we
see the opposite happening, we feel the
oposite, and that just rips our heart out
of our throat!
A good woman's heart and feelings are as
delicate as a rose petal, but as devoted
to you as an angel is to god. Trust
me, it pays to "handle with care".
You will either have to move on, or do
some serious work to get her back. And
you will have to change for good. Stop
taking her for granted. You have to
understand that not everyone is happy
floating around in limbo. Most of us
either have to go left or right.
She wants a man who focusses on her.
If you won't do it, another man will.
|
broadcastedlife
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2003 Posts: 183 Location: babenhausen, Germany
Posted: 02-08-07 07:14am
whynotus
wrote:
i realized all this 2 late.
Things started looking better but then
all of a sudden it all changed. She went
2 days ago to file for the divorce. I
know it is defently over now becouse she
always told me it wasn't over till she
filed. I have turned my life around like
I would never believe I could, but it
ended up being to late for her to care
anymore. I would like to thank everyone
for there posts.
Life cant pass you by if you just open
your eyes.
its never to late. Filing doesn't mean
instant divorce. If you really love her
and want her forever. Do whatever it
takes to take her back :].
Best wishes to you! I'll be rooting for
you to win her over again!
