In my opinion, yes, you have a very addictive personalityand you need to seek help, I am no dr but I have seen it many times before, alchohol and drugs are both chemicals which lead to addiction.
Good luck!

Amber, sometimes I ask myself questions when I suspect in my heart of hearts, I already know the answer. Maybe what I am doing is fishing for an answer that will satisfy me that things are different than they really are.

Just speaking for me, I got strung out on meth while in the army in germany way back in the early 70's. I didn't want to quit shooting up speed. The idea scared the crap out of me. I started calling it medicine towards the end, because it didn't make me feel good, it just kept me from feeling real bad.

I eventually replaced speed with alcohol. And after enough time, it became medicine too. I came too in the morning, and I could not stand the way I felt. But I knew that a few drinks would make all those feelings of failure just go away. Drinking, at the end of my drinking career, didn't make me feel good, it just kept me from feeling real bad.

Through all that, I could still convince myself that things weren't what they were. Because if I admitted that my life was out of control, that might beg the question, well, what are you going to do about it? And the idea of not having the ease and comfort of chemically induced oblivion was unthinkable.

I was hopelessly lost in my addictions.

The first step for me was to admit that things were not ok. Things were in fact totally out of control, and I was completely powerless over that next line, bottle, or pipe full of “medicine”.

Amber, I can't answer your question, a doctor can't answer it, only you can give yourself an answer that has the necessary weight and depth.

I involved myself in aa. In there I found people who felt just like me, and they had solved this problem.

You are a young woman, my suggestion to you is find a young persons meeting in your town, and show up. I am sure you will find other young women there that have asked the same questions.

Richard

I agree with alot that you said, I am really the only person that could answer it. It's just confusing, because I don't feel like I need it and I can go without it for forever, but if it is put in front of me I can't say no. Like I hadn't done it for like 5 months then some one put a line of meth in front of me, and I wasn't about to turn it down, I don't think I could have if I even wanted to.

i know its hard to refuse especially if youre hooked up with that particular thing but you should think about the long term consequences/effects that drugs will do to you. If you find it really hard hy dont you try to look for the nearest drug counselling in your area and just see them. Hope it helps

Some people will sell everything they own in order to get one more line. They will steal or rob to get the money needed to snort one more dime bag. I think just about everyone would call that person powerless over their addiction.

Now take a person like yourself, you can go a long time without using. Everything seems to be going fine, then someone puts a mirror full of meth in front of you, and I quote…” I wasn't about to turn it down, I don't think I could have if I even wanted to.”

honey, i'm not here to take your inventory, but what part of the word powerlessness doesn't fit your circumstances.

This disease is tricky. One of the most common features of addiction is denial. Don't let it fool you.

Richard