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Q: Trapped

asked by: k-yama on December 6th, 2005

New User

I feel trapped every day. There is no way out for me.

If I tell anyone how I really feel, they will force me into hospital again - I cannot even talk to my therapist. I do not trust her. I don't trust anyone around me anymore. I was put in hospital and I did not cope well at all. It was my choice that time, but they threatened that if I did not go in voluntarily they could make me, and get someone to come around and take me by force. I have never harmed anyone else, nor have I harmed myself in 6 years, and I have never attempted suicide, so why can I not speak my mind without them locking me away in a place like that?!

They call what they are doing therapy?! I can't even speak. No one listens, they just decide to put me on medications that give me awful side effects or their stupid solution of 'hospital.' being in hospital does not help. It makes it worse! I could barely eat in hospital, they put me on stuff that gave me diarrhea and blamed it on my anxiety, they don't listen, no one listens to me anymore at all, I am just labelled a hypochondriac or a risk to myself - they do not understand.

Now I have people forcing me to go out. And I can't. My depression every day makes me feel so weak. I am sure it is a chemical thing. There is a drug I tried that took it away. I felt as if the fog had lifted! Effexor was what it is called, but a day later I got the most bitter, rancid taste in my mouth. It was like my saliva tasted different. And it smelled different too. Metallic, and horrible. I have been on effexor before, and it helped with depression then, but I notice now that the horrible bitter taste that I had for over a year last time was actually a side-effect. I went through hell with that problem for over a year, thinking it was caused by bad tonsils, when it was not. And the only drug that seems to be able to help my depression go away, also has this nasty side-effect....

Well, you can see what I mean when I say I feel trapped.

I feel like I am going to go insane soon. I can't cope with this much longer. Every day I feel more worthless and I hate myself for what I am, and yet I have people pointing out what a mess my life is in, over and over. As if there is nothing wrong with me?!?!

A point for all who try to help people with depression - pointing out the negative helps not at all!! It actually makes it worse. Don't think you can force people to get better by punishing them.

Replies(6)

oldudbob

replied on December 6th, 2005

New User

As one who has battled depression off and on for forty years I think that I can understand somewhat where you are coming from. My bouts with depression always were the result of long-term stress, usually job related. I might go several years without a problem or several months. I took early retirement 2 ½ years age and have not had a problem with depression since. I know that it is out there waiting for me if I get in to another long-term stressful situation. However, I do my best to avoid stress and am enjoying life while times are good.

Over the years I tried a number of anti depressants and fortunately most of them worked. My depression was never bad enough that I had go in to the hospital, but it was bad enough that on many occasions I contemplated suicide. Luckily, as you can tell, I made it though without an actual attempt.

I tried a couple of sessions with a shrink, but didn’t feel that it was of much use so I stopped. Mainly, with the help of meds and my spouse I toughed it out till the depression abated. Like I said earlier, this has been an off and on situation for forty years.

I too felt that there was really no one to discuss my problem with. Unless one has experience depression they can’t really understand what someone is going through that is experiencing it. However, I think that if you can find someone else who has personal experience with depression to talk with you would probably feel better.

Find a doctor who really understands you problem. My doctor has had problems with depression, so he knows where I am coming from. My advice is to get on medication and stay on it, find someone to talk to and if things get bad enough go in to the hospital. The last thing you want to do is end your life. Though, I know that when I was depressed that often seemed the most viable solution. Its not and things will get better.

Posting in this forum is a good way of expressing your feeling and a way to get positive feedback.

Please take care

flowerlight

replied on December 6th, 2005

New User

Hey

Hey,
maybe now you are not trapped by anything thats wrong but by the fact that you feal you carn't talk to anyone, to get it out of your system, without someone judging you. Talk ... I'll listen.

k-yama

replied on December 7th, 2005

New User

Thanks you two.

I phoned up my therapist the other day, and told her that I really didn't trust her, or this new person that is supposed to be coming in to help take me out places and get over my anxiety problems.

I really don't think I am able to be going out places at the moment, due to the severity of my problems.

Anyway, I had a bad day today. My parents calling me lazy, and saying basically I would have to leave unless I took all the help that was offered. Even if I feel some of it is inappropriate, or that I could not commit to. I don't -want- to go out places with a total stranger. Who would? Anyway, now I feel even more trapped again.

I got some st johns wort from the chemist, because my mum dragged me out today... I broke down in tears and that made them stop chipping away at me, for a while. I just couldn't take it anymore. Is it any wonder I hate people and want to just stay in my room?

k-yama

replied on December 7th, 2005

New User

I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who has had problems with effexor withdrawal, and in particular if anyone has had problems with it messing up their sense of smell/taste, causing a bitter taste, etc.

flowerlight

replied on December 7th, 2005

New User

Hey

Dont let them get you down. Even if they do, think of good things that counteract it. I love the sanctuary of my room and the chance to escape from the stress of life and the people of it. Its nice to feal relaxed, then u can deal with the anoyances (such as moaning family mambers, etc) with a laid back attitude.
Hope ur fealing better

k-yama

replied on December 9th, 2005

New User

Thank-you flowerlight.

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