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Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > Between Ex And Girlfriend...
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Q: Between Ex And Girlfriend...
asked by: mikeymad on December 2nd, 2005
New User
Here's the deal. My current girlfriend of 3 months (who I completely adore) is having a lot of difficulty dealing with the fact that I am friends with my ex. The ex and I dated briefly 6 years ago, and had random run-ins over the next couple. We have since been friends, although before my new gf and I were together my ex told me she had feelings for me. I told her immediately that I was involved and that all we could be is friends. My new gf was around for the advance at me, and thus has a pretty negative view of my ex. She's even gone to the point about thinking about breaking up because it bothers her so much. I really don't want to lose her, but on the other hand I don't think I should have to give up friendship with my ex, when I have never cheated, and am completely honest about what is going on. How can I explain to the new gf that it's not as big of a deal as she is making it out to be. Her cornerstone of the arguement is that she called one night while in the area ( to find directions to a friends house), and recently when she got into a car accident. She says she is not "strong" enough to handle worrying about us... Any suggestions on how to alleviate this situation, while maintaining the sanity of all parties?
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mindoculus
replied on December 21st, 2005
New User
Huge 'ifs':

1- if you are honest as you claim and there is 'nothing' (?)
between you and a former girlfriend

2- and if you're former girlfriend feels the exact same way

3- and if you care as much as you claim about this current
person then . . .

I would suggest you leave your current girlfriend.

Sorry. Why ? Well, you need to instill a critical life-lesson into her
and the best means to achieve this is to bring the consequences
of her irrational behavior to bear.

You are not doing this just for her either. You must also learn
to understand that unless the other person can be honest with
themselves about their negative behavior, then there is nothing
your concern and love can do for them. They must be able to
see the damage they cause, and sometimes the best way to
equip them with this fantastic vision is with the loss of said
relationship.

You need to be wary of fomenting dependencies . . . Assuming
ofcourse you are being honest . . .
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Fudgecake
replied on December 21st, 2005
New User
I think you should tell ur current gf( even if its 4 the 50th time) how u feel and even discuss wether she trusts u or not and if you cant repair the relationship sak her what she wants to do to make it look kinda her fault/decision if that makes ne sense watsoever.
Hope all goes well!
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glycerine
replied on January 10th, 2006
Experienced User
Ok i'm gonna give you a girls perspective here. I was in that same position as your current gf. So I know how she is feeling. What I did to make it stop was to simply trust my bf. Thats she needs to do. Sounds simple but it isn't. It took me over a year to fully trust my bf with this kind of stuff. So if she just isn't givin you the reaction you want right away, don't hate her for just try to understand her point of view in all of this. And hopefully she will wake up and realize that you do disserve her trust and that your ex means nothing to you compared to her. Alright. Hope everything works out!!! Bye!
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trishabunny
replied on January 10th, 2006
Experienced User
Hey
Its kinda hard for some people to deal with that kind of stuff
because when you have history with a person that you were dating and you go into a new relationship. The new girlfriend/boyfriend whatever thinks that it is a little weird you know what I mean???

But anyway my boyfriend has the same problem with me and my ex
but I aint going to let my boyfriend ruin my friendship I even told him that
and he tries to get mad I just tell him that there is no point in getting mad because there is nothing that you can do about it.I aint going to go and ruin a friendship of 9 yrs just to make my boyfriend happy thats crazy!!

But anyway thats just my story and perspective on things
and I hope that you work everything the way that you want it to be
and good luck with everything :)

trishabunny
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