Well then. I have never done something like this before(getting help for this sort of thing). Im 19 yr old male and am in college, just finishing up my first semester. I have a problem. I have never had a girlfriend. Never been kissed. Never really even had a friend that was a girl. I tried to ask a girl out once and my offer was declined. I went to a all boys hs. I was hoping before that when I came to college I would be able to find someone. It seems that it is a lot harder for me than I thought it would be. I am a fairly(ok maybe really) shy person. I have trouble talking to girls. The last few months and especially recently I have become depressed. Every night I am having trouble going to sleep because I cannot stop thinking about how much I want a girlfriend but dont know how to get one. Ive started to sometimes think that I will never be able to get one. I dont know what it is but I cannot seem to approach girls no matter how much I want to. Almost all of my waking hours now I am being tormented by being lonely, yet I have no idea what to do. Their are girls I like around but I dont know how to approach them. Also im not wanting a relationship just for sexual reasons. I want a relationship that goes beyond just sex. I want someone who I can talk to. Im not exatly sure what im asking for on this forum. All I know is that I need some help. Thankyou for any help you can offer.
You are still young, still time to find a gf. You know what college is best time and place to meet pple, meet girls, you should take advantage this time. Try starting out as friends with a girl first, then maybe it will lead to something more, wish u find one soon.
i'd like to give you some of my thoughts, from my own experience. The first thing I notice from your email is that you seem to 'need' a girlfriend. That is already a disadvantage. Ok, nobody likes being lonely, but a needy person is immediately unattractive. So you need to try and rid yourelf of that, or at least work hard to keep it under wraps. The second issue that you mentioned yourself is your shyness, possibly only around girls? That's another thing that you seriously need to work on.
I was just like you, I used to sit around feeling sorry for myself (not trying to be harsh with you, but you know what I mean) and wondering if it would ever happen for me. And I would be miserable and restless and it was horrible. But the longer it went on the more I started to see that I was not exactly presenting the best package to any possible partner. So I made a conscious decision to work on myself, for myself, before trying to sell myself to others. Sometimes the harder you look the less you can see. Often the best things come along when you aren't even looking. But that's not to say that you shouldn't put yourself in the best position to welcome these opportunites.
Basically you need to build your confidence as confident people are always more attractive. Don't fear embarassment or knock-backs, everybody experinces them at one time or another. And you need to appreciate your own value if you ever expect anyone else to appreciate you.
Luck and timing always play a part in finding a relationship so try not to be too pesimistic about it. Ok, so there are those stunningly attractive people out there who find it easy to attract others, but the vast majority of people are not so gifted. So we rely on our other qualities, which are often the more valued qualities anyway.
Don't give up...
Firstly, I fully appreciate this thread. I am pretty much the same, same age, same situation etc. Very shy, no confidence, don't know how to talk to girls, along with being pretty short and very average looking.
Stu, everything you say is right. You say you had to work on yourself and its necessary to increase confidence etc which is what I want to do this year. So have you got any tips? What did you do that worked? How did you "work on yourself for yourself"?
I guess the main thing is to learn to be happy as we are by ourselves. Just because there is nobody to do things with doesn't mean we have to miss out.
Edit: oops, lol just seen the dates those posts were written.
hi im 19 too and have never had a gf. I missed out at school because wasnt very confident in myself then but i feel more condident now. But wot i want to know is this- i fancy this girla lot but she has a bf- how do u move past this without it holdin u back and depressing u?
In the same boat, but done school and am totally isolated.
The dating senario thing confuses me a lot. It's like an identity crisis. Should you be yourself and go up to a girl and smile and say hello, or should you manipulate your way into noticing you. For example pickup lines, acting cocky and confident, asking innocent questions like 'do you have the time?'
Oh and as for you Desiro, I think it's low to steal a gf from another guy and is an easy way to get punched out by a rival. But if this girl is true love material you should see if she likes you. If you just 'fancy' her, well look elsewhere.
its hard being shy but you don't have to try to be someone else to get a gf. This prob seems like advice you dont want but... its likely that when you want something you never get it. And so, when you concentrate on other things someone may come along at the right time. =D X
Hope the OP has had some luck since 05. I have this problem and I'm 22. When I was 19 and entering college I wasn't too worried about it, I figured I had plenty of time to meet a girl. I kind of hoped it would just happen. But as time goes on it only gets harder and harder for me unfortunately. There's a psychological component to it as well, the fact that I've gone this long without a girlfriend makes it that much harder for me to even try. Every year that passes makes me exponentially more embarrassed and ashamed and depressed that I'm still a virgin. Like with anything, the longer you go without doing something the harder it is to start. The people who get in on it early on build their confidence and its that much easier for them to do it in the future. I'm going crazy. I know I'll see 22 come and go...and then 23...and then 24...and 25 without having a girlfriend. and eventually (if not already) I'll just be the creepy guy who can never get a girl, and thus never will, if only for that reason.
Also I can't stand it when people say "just be yourself! you just gotta be confident!" You're really that lazy that you can't give me any advice that would require just a little brainpower? I understand it's hard to give advice for these types of things but I would feel better if you just said "...yea sucks to be you man," patted me on the shoulder and moved on. at least I'd know you were being honest. Yes I KNOW being confident is the goal. I'm not under any illusion that the more of a depressed weirdo I become the more likely I am to get a girl. I've learned all those important life skills from those 'The More You Know' PSAs from the mid-90s. I need to know HOW I can become confident. And by the way, being myself is not the best strategy if the plan is to be confident. That's exactly what myself isn't. Anyway this is getting cathartic. I also have problems with women because my mom is very intimidating and overbearing and has always manipulated me emotionally. Thanks mah! Now I'll let women walk all over for the rest of my life and never get with a one of them! I'm probably going to seek some counseling this summer. I'll let you know how that goes. sorry for the rants.
Don't be sad!! As a woman, I can say that the most important thing I like in a guy is to be a nice person. I am shy as you, and it is hard, because that doesn't help in ANY way to find a partner, but you know, there are plenty of girls around, not every girl in the world like the most popular guys.
Just try to look in the eyes of the others and be yourself, I'm sure that you will find someone if you try not to be nervous, good luck!!!
You know, there is a lot of people in this situation, the most important think is to believe that you don't NEED a partner, you'll find someone when you stop looking for her, good luck in life, and please, be happy, you seem to be a mature guy, and that helps
I keep hearing not every girl likes confident guys but from the looks of it, that is all they want. Today world has gotten crazy, i dunno what it is but it makes me sick. Im 21 not old but old enough to be sick of the drama and bull. Girls are becoming really messed and allowing stupid guys to take advantage of them.
This is for all of you guys out there that are having trouble finding the right girl. First of all, you want to find the right KIND of girl for you. One that will live up to what your ideals for a good partner. This will help you weed out the ones you don't want or need. Next, you need to get some confidence. It's hard, but not impossible. Tell yourself you are a pretty good catch. Think about all your good points and work to bring them out. Go to the store, and get yourself some sharp new clothes, maybe a new haircut, and some cologne. Nothing perks up a person more than knowing they look good. That alone builds up your confidence. Then go to places where there are the kind of women you want to meet. Be nice, polite, but DON'T be a doormat. Think to yourself that they should be flattered to go with YOU, not the other way around. In no time you will be attracting women. Some won't work out, some will. It takes time, but your best friend is YOU, and once you realize that first, the rest will come to you. Good luck...oh, and I AM a woman, so I know!
alot of times when i talk to guys(and i have a ton of guy buddies) who have this problem (and some girls but mainly guys)they have this shallow approach to getting a girlfriend they go after one type of girl, and since they reject them they say they cant get a girl but thats not true you are just looking for the wrong type of girl for the wrong reasons.one main thing dont base your search on looks alone especially if you dont want a sexual relationship only thats where i am in this whole relationship journey just wanting something more because anyone can sleep with someone but when the bedroom door no longer has a do not disturb sign on it do you have anything to talk about with this person? so if you arent already try to start a new search looking from the inside out and i promise your search will be more rewarding:)
I'm 20, in almost the same situation, no dates for a couple of years and very shy. I bought this just before christmas, it cost me 2quid, it worked, I have had 4 dates since New Year, with 3 different women, and have also collected about 15 different mobile numbers.
It took a little courage but boy, what a difference it's made to me.
Dating tactics really only take you to a certain point, and then only if they work for you. If you lack the confidence to approach women you're always going to struggle to deal with them. Like so many things in life the best way to get better at attracting women is to do it again and again. The tricks aren't secret, you've heard them all of your life. Be yourself, follow the golden rule, Don't have unrealistic expectations.
Yes, but the 'tacticts' gave me the confidence to get going because it gave me a little insider knowledge about the girls I wanted to talk to..after I got over that,then I can be myself, because my true self was too shy to get started