New here and looking for answers. Long story short - I was with a man for 5 years (2 years 1st time then 3 years 2nd time) let me premise this by saying he was only in one other relationship prior to me for approx 6 mos. & he is 39 years old and never in love prior to me he was the most loving, giving, sensitive person in the world. I and my children could not want for anything. 1st time around he ended it because he said that he could not progress in the relationship as it needed to. When he came back 3 months later saying he felt sick without the kids and I and couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life without us I took him back on the premise that this time it was for good because I couldn't bear to put my kids and myself through the pain we went through after the breakup. He said that he wanted a life with the kids and I and he would never let it happen again. He came on so strong, spent every moment together - doing everything together. He basically infaltrated my life and I welcomed it. Things were great for a couple of years we talked about marriage and he wasn't ready, I kept the lines of communication open about it and perhaps pushed sometimes too hard but then knowing that we had a wonderful relationship and accepted that - I backed off. Then this past easter he proposed..It was a very emotional and amazing moment. We had planned to marry this month. Well one month after proposing and asking the children and I to move in he changed his mind. Stating things felt different. Then his behaviour changed. Since may of this year he began to spend less time or effort on us. When I would try to talk to him he shut down, walk out the door not to be heard from again or burst into a rage (no physical abuse - he would never) and bolt from my house. I would have to call him or I would never hear from him again. This disappearing act when he didn't like the conversation or indifferences we had would occur many many times...And if it weren't for me calling him I probably wouldn' t have ever seen him again. Once we talked things over he would be ok. Well one month ago after we had another talk about us he got out of my car and left...I never heard from him again. I wrote a letter 2 wks later to say I assumed things were over but didn't want to assume and asked him to contact me so we could have closure to it. He never called or wrote. I went to see him and he was cold, I asked him if he wanted this and he said no, I asked him if he wanted to spend the rest of his life without me and the kids - he said no. I said ok lets get some help and do this. He said it's not so easy. I let him be and we decided to talk over the next few weeks. But we never talked about us and how to get us back. So I approached the subject and we agreed to work on things together not apart. All the while he was verbally expressing his love and his future wishes for us. The very next day he left a message saying he didn't feel good and would call the next day...I never heard from him again... A week later when I emailed to ask of my things (bike, key, jewelry, etc) to be left in my shed when I was going away, he didn't return them...So a few days later I went to his house and returned the ring and his things..He just stood there cold and unfeeling. I asked him to help me to understand - tell me you hate me, or don't love me or there is someone else...Something...He said no to all - that he loved me and there would be no one else - things just changed inside..And I said goodbye and that I did love him and tried so hard..He said I love you..So as long winded as this is I am asking for someone to please, please help me understand...Do you think he is bipolar? How can someone who can emit so much love and love me be so shut off like I don't exist the next moment...? How can this be? He is like jekyl and hyde? If someone could shed light on this I would really appreciate it.
I am really lost :(
