Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 17 Location: Maryland, USA
New Taking Paxil, New to Accepting This Label Posted: 11-28-05 22:25pm
Hi,
i was peerscribed paxil last week only on
5mgs right now........Tuesday take 10mgs
......I have been depressed lately
crying.Feeling angry nd suffer from
anxiety .Even not getting the laundry done
stresses me out which I am beggininig to
realize is silly..........I cant help
it!!!!
I have a few issues really...Marraige isnt
the greatest but whos is it seems nobody I
know is happy .Maybe thats the problem I
need some possativeness around me!
I guess I cant believe I am depressed.I
mean I am a happy go lucky person but
something changed all that.I have 2 kids
who I adore but I think I devote my every
waking moment to them and do nothing for
myself.I dont even know what I like
anyomre.......I never used to be this way
:( but I have lost myself.........
I hate the label of depression it sounds
so...I dunno..Not me.........Almost like I
am a wacko (no I dont mean your a wacko)
but people in general are very fast to
judge you.Thing is with me is I have
hidden it so well......Like a manic
depressive cant hide it.Like I function
well get up every day....Take care of my
two kids...My house.....I guess I just
feel overwhelmed and alone and wonder
where my life will take me.........
So anyways I am taking paxil a week almost
now and feel better ...Well I feel less
irrertable..More calmer.But I know though
I still am fussing over laundry and bills
and stuff I gotta take care of its like I
cant help it!
I know I need to do things alone but truth
is I scared to be alone does that make any
sense? No probably not.......
Never been alone always had a relationship
never had to take care of just me......So
not sure how too really been so
long........
I went to a support group tonight and most
of the people were bi-polar and I felt man
I have a good life in comparrison but then
why have I been crying and angry for so
long.......
I sometimes cant think straight...Know
what I really want .....
Its hard to be like this anyone else know
how I feel like up and down......
I am working on myself trying to get
myslef back together........I know its got
going to get fixed by a pill and over
night but I hope I am doing the best thing
for myself and my kids........I dont want
them to suffer cause of me you know!
So any possative words of how things get
better appreciated.....
I cant hear anything else bad about taking
meds cause I am already kinda sad I have
come to this........To me its I am a
failure even though it takes some courage
to ask for help and realize you need
help......
Gosh I am waffling on.........I am new at
this thats all.........
Well maybe its good to talk about
whatevers on your mind :)
hope heres a place I can do that!
Anyways gotta go take my happy pill :)
goodnight ! Dont worry, be happy ,as that
song goes! :)
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uk_ladybird
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 17 Location: Maryland, USA
Lexapro Posted: 11-28-05 22:34pm
Ok I am going nuts I dont even know what
the hell I am taking ! Not paxil
gees this does worry me I cant even
remember a name of a drug I take
:cry: maybe I am just tired? Anyways
sorry for the erro
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turtlegirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2005 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-01-05 19:14pm
I felt the same way you did when I was
diagnosed with depression/anxiety in
january. I didn't believe it, that
wasn't me, I didn't fit into the
"depressive" stereotype. I was angry and
unaccepting for a long time, but for 3
months I could not leave my house, so
obviously there was something wrong with
me.
I have always found happiness everywhere I
look, to be diagnosed with depression
makes me wonder who I am. And it doesn't
help to have a father who thinks it is all
a crock of s#@%. He thinks I should just
stop all my meds, stop listening to my
psychiatrist. So I feel like I am
letting him down.
I look at myself with a "why is this
happening to me? What did I do to
deserve being this miserable?" and then I
look around and see people that are a lot
worse off than I am. I mean, I could
have cancer for pete's sake! But I
don't, so then I feel bad for feeling bad
about myself. It is a never ending
circle.
I still haven't come to terms with it. I
read your post, thought it sounded a lot
like me, so I wanted to let you know that
you were not alone. :wink:
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uk_ladybird
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 17 Location: Maryland, USA
Thanks! Posted: 12-01-05 23:03pm
Hi thanks for writing to me :)
glad somedoby finally did :) I saw that
people were reading but not writing back I
was thinking god I cant get any support
here! Gees!
Its nice to know I am not alone...Yeah I
too know what you mean about things could
be worse.I went to a depression and
bi-polar support group on tuesday man some
of the people there were definately having
way more problems then me...........One
poor ladys been on anti-depressants 40
years and she still cant just about get
up...I am so lucky.I have always been able
to get up! I have kids so I gotta but
sometimes I want to stay lying there.My
meds are helping me feel better once I am
up not cried in a week wow amazing!!
I feel calmer and happier weird ..Though
in the mornings I am a bit zombie-fied as
I just upped my mgs to 10mgs......Which
isnt alot in total ..........I only take
the lexapro some people at my group are on
a combonation I couldnt imagine taking
like 4 things just to function.Its really
sad!
As for the you letting your dad down I
feel the same way with my mum I dont think
shes happy she told me to learn to relax
yeah ok mum though shes suffered from
depression on and off her life so far but
wouldnt take tablets .I refuse to be
un-happy and cry my life away........
I wanst like this about 10 years ago I was
back home in england clubbing and having
fun......My job would get me down
nannying....Putting up with crap from my
bosses but I was pretty happy just had to
odd bad day
recently I was having more and more
together....Then I realized it had been
maybe a year or more feeling this way but
ignoring it putting it down to I am tired
etc.........But last week I cracked and
thought what are you doing to yourself and
your kids and my husband who I know has
had to put up with way too much but I felt
alone like he didnt care if I was even
here helf the time but I know he had
withdrawn from me as all I did was be
negative or shout.......
I hate myself for that.But I didnt mean
too it just takes over you!
Anyways enough of me.How are you
doing????
Hows your mediaction going? Hows the
shrink going? Does it help? I saw one a
few years ago actually I took an over dose
in 2000 and had to see one though she
never gave me anything even after
that!!!!
But I will never go down that road again
it was a wake up call.Plus id never do
that to my kids.........I never wanted to
die I was screaming insdie for help.To be
heard I guess if that makes sense?
Gosh I am not crazy honest :) I never
thuoght I would do something like that,
again like I never thought id say I have
depression its hard to accept it
........But I have too :)
well I gotta go have a cuppa tea then go
take my happy pill as I call it!
Then go to sleep have to go to the drs
tomorrow for a follow up....
I hope you stop in again soon.....Im here
if you want to talk!
Goodnight and keep your chin up!
Hug!
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turtlegirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2005 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-02-05 17:34pm
Our stories are so alike it is uncanny.
I don't have any children, but I am 28
years old, and like you, was shouting and
unkind to my husband. I did not realize
I was doing it, there was no reason for
it.... But it made things really
difficult in my marriage.
I am currently on quite a few meds,
wellbutrin, clonipren, and now lexepro...
Oh and lets not forget the seroquel to
help me sleep. I took an overdose on the
clon. And sero. A few months ago,
thought I was trying to commit suicide,
but that would not have worked. But I
didn't know that, I was that low, and
tired that I just wanted it all to end.
But this week, this week has been
different. I know it sounds crazy, but
since I started my lexepro, I have felt
better, and it hasn't even been a full
week. I hope I am not just imagining
things. I don't care if I have to take
meds for the rest of my life, I just want
to be my regular self again.
When I started on the wellbutrin, it was
an appetite supressor for me. I was
never hungry, so I would never eat.
Since january I have lost 40 lbs. I was
not that big to begin with. I have also
been doing pilates 3 times a week. I
think that helped me drop some weight as
well. I like the way I look now, better
than I did before. But I have to work
to not starve myself. Eating when you're
not hungry doesn't feel natural, but I do
it.
I hope that you start feeling better as
well. I also noticed that while a post
may be read a lot, there are not always a
lot of responses..? :roll:
