My story is a distressing and, I believe,
outrageous one.
I am an old man now and married at the age
of 25. Neither my wife or I had had any
prior sexual experience. I very quickly
discovered that sex was a matter that
would occupy a very small part in our
marriage because my wife seemed to feel
that it was only something to be indulged
in once in a blue moon. I got very
frustrated, and fought aginst this for
years, but to no avail. At the same time
my always intermittent inability to
achieve satisfactory erections gradually
turned into total failure. About the
same time (8 years after our marriage) I
had a horrifically traumatic employment
crisis, and sex came to an abrupt end.
Five years later, amazingly, it was my
wife who suggested that I seek treatment.
Accordingly, I visited a doctor in london
whose clinic was fairly widely advertised.
Amazingly, the consultations were free,
but when, after a number of visits, during
which the doctor recommended the
masters/johnson "sensory focus" method, I
was virtually told to try to live with the
problem. Needless to say, the situation
was not halped by the fact that whereas
the doctor recommended more frequent
sexual encounters my wife came away from
one session, and said: I think I would
prefer not to have sex for the next couple
of months. At this point I gave up
trying to solve the problem, and as a
result sexual activity rapidly declined
between us until penile/vaginal sex became
completely impossible. This was in my
late forties. Since then the only sexual
activity has been very occasional
cunnilingus, but fellatio is a an
absolutely taboo subject with my wife.
While my wife's early disinterest may have
been a factor in the problem, I was
outraged that my own gp treated the
problem with even greater disinterest. I
have thus lived my life more less as a
monk, but am utterly disgusted that
nowhere have I found the basic cause of my
problem, as to whether it was physical or
psychological. I feel that I have
completely missed out on a fundamental
pleasure of life.
