Hi everyone,

first of all, I am looking for feedback to an otherwise silent situation. A little background information: my husband and I have been married for nearly a year and have known each other for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged for a year before we were married. During this time he was a kind person. He sought ways to make life easier for me and help me focus my mind on getting back into college. He provided all of the money for bills and bought everything that we could possibly need and still does. My family adores him and thinks he is very kind to me. But, they don't see the inside. He is gone for several months at a time and home for about the same on his job, he is a sailor. During this time he completely forgets about home responsibilities. He forgets about how much we have together and how much he says he "loves" me. He has been diagnosed depressive before and has been on medication. He is not taking it any longer. When he is a home, he is anti-social and sits in front of the video games for hours, unless it is time for dinner, then he either comes when he's called or wants to go out and eat. The only time he really seems happy is when we are spending money (lots!) or he is thinking of things to spend money on. Recently, we bought a house. Obviously a house needs to be set-up and the budget gets tight during this time. He has been depressed ever since we have bought our home. He doesn't pick up or make any effort to unpack anything. I packed, moved, and completely unpacked the entire house. (over 4,000 sq ft of work!) not to mention, the painting. He never cleans, washes clothes, feeds any animals. When he does it is a huge fight. He says things like, "ok, I will.." and then never does. This has been so bad as him lying to me and saying that he has been taking care (i wrote a list of how to take care of him) of our pet bird while I was in midterms, while in reality, he had gone a week without food or water and a messy cage. It broke my heart. Not only had he lied, but he had neglected the care of my most beloved pet. When confronted with this, he said, "oh, I did take care of him!! He's just messy!!!" he is never responsible for his actions, nor does he concern himself with telling the truth and sticking to it. I have loved him ever since I have known him. But it has turned into me loving him and him not loving in return. My heart is broken. I treasure all that we have..And moreover, what we could have with each other.

To add to the complicatedness. I have met someone who returns the care. We have been friends for a month and I can already feel myself deeply falling in love with this man. Not just having to have tough love, but he listens to my tears and comforts me for who I am, not who I have to be. I feel guilty, because we are both married. (he is divorcing in the first of the year, from an emotionally abusive wife.) I am a very loyal person, but love has already taken root in our hearts for each other. I want what's best for him in every circumstance. I have encouaged counseling for his relationship and she denies needing it when he approaches it. My husband has an appointment for counseling re: depression, but I just don't know if he really feels the way he says that he does. His actions state otherwise! I am 23 years old, my husband is 29, and marc is 30. You can see my maturity level is certainly not one of a youth and I am in this for the long haul. But how do I let go of my husband and allow myself to love someone who knows how to love?? Or..?? I am willing to seek help with my husband, but in my heart I still do not feel the connection that comes naturally with marc. It easy for us to communicate and it is no chore to just role with the punches- we are both very goal oriented.

Ya'll's thoughts are warmly appreciated..
Sunshine