My husband and I have been together for 7 years married for 6,when we first got married I cheated on him,we worked it out,and had a good marriage for about 3 more years,then we moved to my hometown,and everything went downhill,he started asking women to come in our home (when I wasn't there)talking to women on the internet telling them he loved them,again we worked it out,then one day he said he wanted to leave me and would not give me a reason I wanted to kill myself,i put myself in a mental facility for 3 days I got out,found a recipt with condoms on it,he said it wasn't his,again we worked it out,got back together,everything was fine for about 2 more years,then with in the last year or so he wants to go out all the time my mother said she seen him kissing someone he said she lied I believed him,well I started partying alot and met a guy that talked to me about everything,let me be me,listened to everything,and I liked it alot,i told my husband about him(i didn't cheat,this time,we were only friends)well my husband thought there was more,i have never lied to him,well we got past that,and that brings me to now,for the last month he has been coming in at 5 in the am. And once not till 2 the next day,i was angry and cried,well now he wants to leave me,this was just a week ago he told me,and he has already found a new place,cancelled our bank account,pretty much shut everything down that was ours,and again he wont give me a reason other than he dont trust me.He said he is filing for divorce.I am devesated!I talked to him a little bit today and he admitted sleeping with someone a month ago.But I still love him and want to work this out.Marriage to me is very important,and we have both made mistakes,but I am willing to try again and I cant even get him to talk to me for more than 2 minutes about it.What should I do?Im losing my mind...Someone please help me
Just keeping everyone up to date,and praying someone gives me some advice,last night I found out my husband (well soon to be ex)has been with another women,i seen them together and my first reaction was to go after her he stopped me and hit me in the chest to keep me away from her.Today he came for his things and is still telling me he loves me but he is with her cause that is his way of healing,i still love him very much and believe marriage is important but he said even though he loves me he is not willing to try to fix this,i have thought of suicide many times and today he said well if your dead how can I come back to you if your not here.I dont know what to do,my life seems to get worse everyday,it has only been a week but it feels like an eternity since he left me,he has been seeing this girl for 2 weeks,and told me he cheated 3 times,just the other day he said he only cheated once.Please someone give me some advice I really feel like I cant go on with out him.
Im nobody to tell you this but its over a person that keeps cheating on you doesnt love you and well if he keep doing it is cause he doesnt want you if he wants to leave you he will as you can see he gave up on you and well you have to do the same after he signs the divorce papers you now that there aint nothing you can do,and if he said he was gonna do that you lost him actually the moment he sticked his dick in someone elses !**@! is the day u lost it and well im sorry to say that well is over I mean I dont know this for a fact but most likely im right but dont listen to me im just 14 but still im in a way right about this im sorry honey find someone else you deserve better but see is ur fault actually, see cause u cheated on him first and well what goes around comes around and it doesnt come aournd the same way it comes ever worst or better depending what you did so you getting it badnow but its ur fault for doing it in the first place, im sorry the best thing to do is to let him go cause abiously he found a way to let you go,like I said im just 14 and you dont have to listen to me but if you read carefully what I wrote im sort of right. Good luck with ur husband and future.
Munie4life, thank you for your response,but apparently (by they things you wrote)i obviously left out some of the major details,you see when I said I cheated on him when we first got married I failed to mention that he was a marine and gone for 6 months and that his best friend told me about the things my husband was doing on float ,and then he would say "what goes on float stays on float",and apparently you failed to see that I was honest about it (me cheating)i told him the day he arrived home and we worked it out.So if in your opinion this is all my fault so be it.And ya know what if he would have paid me back for cheating once we would have got through that (an eye for an eye)but that is not the case I have done nothing in the 7 years we were to gether after that.He has asked a 13 year old girl to come in our house,he asked 5 of my cousins out,he cheated on me 4 times now(including the girl he is with now)he kissed a girl in front of my mom and then called my mom a liar,he stayed out all night,he would ignore me when we would go out together,but yet through all that I remained a faithful woman,i loved this man with all of my heart,and still I am fighting to the end for him to come back,he still tells me he loves me,that he always will and that he will never love anyone the way he loves me,so like I said if in your opinion this is all my fault,so be it
again thank you for your reply,and maybe someday when you are a little older and have dealt with loss such as this you will see that its not so simple,and placing blame on just one person isn't the right thing to do,as I said in my first post we have both made mistakes
Well....To me it seems like is that you two are on a continuing path of just hurting eachother..You can get over things like you cheating or him cheating but you never really forget..It just seems like that's what your best hurting eachother..Marriage is important that's why you should'nt rush into it if you think your not ready...It seems to me that you guys need to grow up and search for what you want in life for yourself..Cause personally I don't think this relationship will ever work all you guys ever do is cheat, and hurt one another..That's not love..If you truly love someone you would never think about cheating on them....
I am truly sorry to read about the pain I know you are going through. I have been there myself and know how helpless, lost, and hopeless you feel right now. I will give you my advice, but I must warn you that advice is only as good as you make it.
First, the thoughts of suicide at this point are normal, but you have to stop! I hear your response, it's easier to say than to do, but it is actually that easy! When they come, you stop them! You think about something else. You cast them out of your mind. Your going to look back on this someday, just as I have, and realize how ridiculous those thoughts actually were, and be thankful you didn't act on them.
Second, let the guy go! I'm not saying you won't someday be back together, but if that is even remotely possible, you're going to have to let him go now. Hanging on will only push the person farther away and will also make you look ridiculous. You are not ridiculous! You are lonely, stressed, lost, and in shock, but you are not ridiculous. Do not let him or anyone else make you feel that way. You have to let go now! No phone calls, emails, letters, nothing!
Third, get on with your life as you want it to be. Don't go looking for a new partner, and as I said in point 2, don't look to take the old one back. Find yourself. Find the person you want to be. By that I mean, are there anythings about yourself you wish were different? Now is the time to fix them. Fix you! When your in a relationship you have little to no time for you. See this in a positive light and take the time to correct mistakes or missed opportunities. Too fat? Lose the weight you've been meaning to lose. Feel stupid? Go back to school or start taking those classes you've been meaning to take. Watch too much t.V.? Stop! Get a hobby, do something fun. Find out who you are!
By the way, it probably sounds like this is coming from a female point of view? It's not. I am a 42 year old male who went through the same thing. I got married in 1981, cheated on my wife in 1982, we worked through it, had 2 kids, she decided she wanted more in 2000. Left me with the 2 teens, mortgage, car payments etc. After 20 years of marriage. Everything I told you to do is the things I should have done and eventually did after 2 years of putting myself through hell. Don't wait! You can fix yourself on your own. You do not need him. You'll thank me later if you'll just listen.
You can count your blessings he is the one asking for a divorce. You (we all) deserve to be in a good relationship. I can tell you, you are not. He is a liar, and a cheater. Staying with him now only prolonges the inevetable. Switch modes in your head from "i will never find anyone like you again" to "i am deserve better than you, so long see ya". It is the truth. It is hard, but time will see you through..........Trust me. Next year, things will all be better, if you follow this advice. Then stay true to you next man so he has no excuse to stray.
Well once again im just 14 but girl give him the divorce and well I know it hurts you but if you stay with him ull get even more hurt so girl have some dignity cause men are like money they come and go and well youll find a nice guy out there, trust me ull learn to get over him and when you do that youll be glad you listen to me just know that when you now that you found the mr. Right dont mest it up this time and well heres the thing b4 u get into commitment get to know them better get inside there souls to see if the're the right one 4 u, im no one to tell you this but is what I think
first of all, get the suicide notion out of your head. No one is worth that! I know it is very hard. My husband left me for another woman 8 months ago, she's pregnant supposedly with his child, due in a month.We have 2 children. So, I do know what you are going through. There were days I felt the same as you. Like my life was empty w/o him. Somedays I didnt even want to get out of bed. But I made myself. I am still hurting. When does the hurting end? I don't know, but you have to pull yourself together.You deserve better than the way he has treated you. You are a honest person. Do not let yourself think it was your fault. It takes both partners trying in a relationship. Sounds to me like he wasn't trying.You do not have to have him in your life! You will survive. Time heals a broken heart. Like the other posts said, take some time for yourself now. Exercising is a great way to relieve stress. Pick up a hobby....Set a goal for yourself. Take one day at a time. Just think every morning you wake up....Well, I am one day closer to mending my heart. You have to be strong. Know that crying is normal.....Soon the tears will become less and less. In my experience, I feel like I am over him one day.......Then a few days later I realize that I am not. It is definitely a rollercoaster ride. But, I do notice that the periods between me feeling this way are getting longer. I am healing. You will, too. Whatever you do, do not cry and beg to him. As hard as it may be, pretend it is not bothering you. Even harder, do not argue with him. When you are around him.....Act like no big deal....I am doing fine. This is very hard to do....But don't break down in front of him. Show him you have pride. You will not win him back by begging. Never works. I honestly believe you are better off without him..You just don't see it right now.Know that thousands of people are going through this. You are not alone. Maybe find some counseling. Confide in your best friend. Let your feelings out.......Just not in front of him. Come here often.....There are some great people here. It helped me.Sorry this post is so long.. I just know how you are feeling and am trying to help. One more thing, do not run out and try to find another mate to get over your husband. Bad mistake. Just concentrate on self. Good luck to you and I will be praying for you. I do not know your religious background.....But I prayed for strength from god every day. He helped me.
I have found out so many more things and he has not kept his pomise to pay me some money,he will not tell me anything about when he plans on filing for divorce he has actually introduced his gf to my family (that really hurt)im so lost right now....But I wanted to thank all of you for replying..So far you have all been a huge help..Thank you again!
You feel like suicide or hurting yourself because you blame yourself. It is not your fault. I'll say that again, because it is hard for you to believe something different. It is not your fault! If he did come back to you, he would spend the rest of your life hurting you. Don't let that happen. Some days you will feel pain, other days you will feel better, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself as much time as you need to heal. Do not let him take the rest of your life away from you. It was a gift given to you, don't let him steal that from you. If you believe in God, know that he has already forgiven you for the things you blame yourself for, and he is right there, feeling your pain, loving you, while you can't.