Hi everyone,

i know I pop into this site every now and again. But i'm on a low today and need to have a little rant.

I had an abortion on 11/4/03 and my due date would have been 25/11/03. Today (or obviously arround) would have been my babys 2nd birthday.

There hasnt been a day that has gone past when I havent thought about him/her. I regret it everyday and wish I had the strength to stand up to my boyfriend and my parents. At the time I owned my own home, I had a steady loving relationship, money in the bank and a good job. But none of that made any difference because my boyfriend didnt want it (even though he persuaded me to try for a baby in the first place) and my family said I would be on my own. I knew I couldnt keep my house on my own and look after a baby and my parents wouldnt have me either. It was the loneliest time of my life. I felt like I lost everyone I loved that day and I still now will never forgive them for not listening to what I wanted.

On the day of the abortion my boyfriend and my mum came with me. I pleaded with them in the car to not make me g through with this but they again instsited that I would be a single mum on my own without their blessing or their help. I sat in the clinic crying (no other girls were upset, at least they didnt appear to be) I went up to the prep room where they put a belt on you and get you to put on a t-shirt. I waited outside and when the doors opened to let me in I had a panic attack and fell on the floor. The nurses and doctors picked me up, put me on the table. I tried to sit up and ask for a paper bag to stablise my breathing but they pushed me down and put a needle in my arm and I fell asleep.

The next time I woke up my life had changed.

I totally believe that abortion is right for some people. I just have found it very hard, I loved my baby and for those few weeks I was pregnant I felt 'special' and 'important', there was another reason for living and that was to care for and love my baby. What an fool I have been.

Anyway sorry to rant, its on certain dates that I get especially down.