I know you said she is vindictive to you, but is she a fit mother. To get sole custody of your child you will have to prove she is an unfit mother. And I mut tell you sir, if you plan on taking a baby from its mother you .M.U.S.T believe she is indeed unfit. For it is a terrible place for a child to be taken from it's mother. I do believe that men can be just almost as good for baby, but there is just something a "mother" gives to her child that "no one" can ever replace.
No matter how good the step mom is, no one can replace the mother of a child. I wish all children were living with their mother, and I wish this terrible place, no one share with me. It was the most horrible place I could have ever lived. And my children still are not the same. They will be affected by their father's decision all of their lives.

I was a fit mother, but I was on welfare and he had his dad's business to say "i have money" he molested my daughter at 3 years old and they still let him have them, he beat my boys, and they still let him have them. My daughter was molested by him again at 11 years old because of their decision. And she is still fighting the ideas, and thoughts that come to her mind. She cannot have a wholesome relationship with anyone. Only .God can help her now. And may .God have mercy on his soul, I pray

i am not trying to say you would do these things, and I hope to .God you have the love I have grown to understand for my children, so you can be the best one for them, if you do indeed believe she is unfit.
It is nice to hear someone on the other end of the spectrum, going thru the same thing I endured. I hope you come out on the top, dear sir.
And to your child, I hope .God grant great grace and mercy to this child, no matter what the outcome.

God bless you, sir

Dont trry for sole custody you may lose it all . Your better off starting with shared custody, but stop her from leaving the state. After you get shared custody, take her back to court if and when she screws up. Thats the most likely way to end up with sole custody

Well she already left the state..
I was tryin to talk her in to formulating a parenting plan but she refuses or is not really cooperating. My child is not even a month old yet and now shes talkin about medical assistance and filing for child support..My question is I tell her..Why did you leave in the first place putting our baby in health jeopardy. She was already at a hospital here and being seen but to drag children miles away just because is beyond me..I have no choice to start out for sole custody then see if we can negotiate during this process...But yeah I know its all or nothing if I go for sole..

I have a question...I am not a male, but a female looking to seek getting full custody of my baby when she's born (5 weeks left) are the chances of me getting full custody good?

I am very worried about my ex having access especially if its unsupervised as we broke up due to me finding pot stuff in his room (it may not be the worst drug, but a drugs a drug).

I will share my experience here...

In most cases, it's impossible for either parent to get *sole* custody. Unless there are extreme circumstances, the judges this day and age tend to lean more toward both parents being equally involved in the children's lives, if that is what each party wants.
By extreme circumstances, I mean if one parent just ups and leaves the other with the child with no explanation, and is not heard from. Or abuse, be it physical, emotional, or sexual.
I have primary physical custody of my son. This means that he lives with me and is in my care. My ex was abusive. He gets limited visitation. We share legal custody, but i'm the tie-breaker, so essentially, I have primary legal custody as well. This means that I make decisions for him such as healthcare, religion, education, etc.
For the original poster of this thread, I honestly don't know what to tell you.
To the second question about the pot-using boyfriend... Unless you have proof in the form of affidavits from witnesses that he's a hardcore druggie, the chances are slim. I don't think that finding pot in his room is really a reason to want to take custody of his child away. I don't agree with drug use, but finding pot paraphanelia is not really valid in wanting to ban him from his child. If he is into hardcore drugs and you worry about him taking care of the baby, you can testify to that affect in court, but it's ultimately up to the judge. And one judge may come to a different ruling than another. It really just depends.

Sole custody would be nice but even if you could try for placement custody with her having visitations that would work ... Then if she has no contact(no letters calls or visits for a certain amount of time (3 months I think , it may vary state to state), then you can file abandonment on her and she has her rights taken away... & she would still have to pay you support.

I have a similar story to share. My son is 10. He has always lived with me, his father left the state when he was 3 due to drug, gambling, and DV incidents. The father returned 3 years later. When we divorced while he was out of state, the only way I could get him to sign it was if I didn't ask for child support and we had joint custody, not at this time I was still scared of him hurting me and I just wanted out.

Out of no where this March I was served with papers he had files for sole custody , that I didn't allow him visitation (totally untrue) and that I smoke (outside not with the kids) and that I don't value his education (my son has struggled with some illnesses this year and was in danger of being held back, but we kicked butt and he passed with some great grades).

I just don't get it, he is child support free, has never taken and intrest in my son, with the every other weekend and a night or two durring the week.

I can not believe I een had to pay an attorney what I did to represent me, why would a judge go hmmm yeah 10 years old is a great age to rip him from his stable home with an older sibling, and friends at school. I am so irritated and confused how this happened. Now we have to do this 3 hour meeting togeher with a psychologist in July, and I have to prep to not want to scream and yell and rip his eyes out.

He has destroyed my family, my son is upset all the time, my older daughter feels abandoned, OH and this week he tried to send her a letter, didn't address it to her had a girl write it all out on the envelope, and used some animal hospital envelope as a return address with this letter in there about how she is his special firl, and he wants to be with her and love her if she would just let him. Now with all the sneekiness involved how do I not know he has become a child molester, he was molested as a child. afer our breakup became bi-sexual. Or was it just sneakiness but a true letter of a father missing the daughter he raised?? And again how is a judge not stopping this!!!!

Family Court is FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!

Be wise, because the worst thing you can do is try to separate mother from her child. You going to drag to the court, spend thousands of dollars, put your daughters mother ( and your self) true tremendous stress, who besides you has million problems and things to take care. Your daugther for example.

Instead be a wise man, stop the fight , be nice to a woman , that all it takes and she will respond same way to you. Help her instead of fithing, give her money so she can take care of the baby, and not run around all stressed-out trying to figure out how to pay for rent next month. After all, you are then man, and they depend on you.

I am sure the only reason she moved out because thats the way she can make living , I have never seen a woman running from a good man.

The best gift you can give to the children is by showing the love to they mother. And it does not have to be love as "in love", respect, peace , harmony ..... be thankful to her , after all she gave birth to your daughter , she gave the gift that that you could never give her. Instead sending her a subphena send her a flower. You 'll be surprised how little it takes to make a miracle.

Be nice , thats all it takes for evryone to be happy.

Good Luck

can my son get full custody of his unborn baby.the mother as stated that she dose not want anything to do with the baby's upbringing she wants to give the baby to her mum and step dad for them to fetch the baby up as tears and for them to bee known as the baby's mum and dad. what can my son do to start for full custody.

You will need legal representation. A blood test/DNA test will be in order to prove he is in fact the childs natural father. If your son is willing to step up to the plate and take on this responsibility, he is more of a man than many I know. I personally know lots of "dads" who have gone on to raise a child/children wihtout the Mother. One Mother just left......not a word from her in 13 years. One Mother sign parental rights the day the child was born. One Mother was killed ina head on collision....I also know these children from (no Mother in the Family). They are well adjusted, they make excellent grades in school,they participate in boy scouts/girl scouts, donate their time to the community such as volunteering trash pick up local river projects etc....So, not all kids are neglected or abused...I do know that in every case, the "Dad's" family members help out in everyway possible so that a "family connection" is still part of that childs life.

do you need and attorney or to go to court to get a paper drawn up for a mother to sign off her legal rights? thanks

I was wondering...I have a 7 year old daughter. Her father and I were never married. She's been living with me since she was born when we were seperated. I've been financially supporting her without his help. I've asked him to sign over sole custody to me and he has agreed to do so. I just wanted to know what are the steps I have to do to get it done. I've never asked for financial help and don't intend to. I've always let him see her when he's asked, never asked for financial responsibilities from him therefore he is willing to go through the process knowing I wouldn't do that to our daughter. Do I have to hire a lawyer or can I just get forms signed. I don't want joint custody...I am positive I want sole custody.

You will need to get a lawyer who specializes in this. By doing this on your own could backfire.

Hi,

I've had an ex who continues to make my life and my daughter's lives chaotic. I'm looking for advice for what I should do. We had recently moved to a new state. Right after we moved she went on about moving to a number of new places. Meanwhile, I'm the one working (at a stable high income job), I would take care of school, doctors, etc. She moved out to a small apartment in a different town while I live in the house and in the town where my girls (one in elementary school and one in preschool) go to school. She is a recovering alcoholic and is sober but is very unpredictable. I've had nannies/childcare and life is easier when she is completely out of the picture. I would be perfectly happy with sole custody but she loves the girls and is good with them when her time is brief. And my daughters should have a mom in their life.

I'm really looking for ideas on how other dads have managed such a situation. As it is right now, my daughters are with me most days and almost all weekends, and I have a very good job (that I manage to do well with reasonable hours), and I also have the only income. So I really don't know what to do.

Thanks

Find you the best family law attorney you can find. You sound like a wonderful man(father). For you to make positive statements about the girls Mother is a decent thing. Its totally understandable for the girls to have time with their Mom....and even if you got sole custody, they could still see their Mom. My quesiton...will she remain sober the entire time she has with the girls? If that answer is no, then you could have supervised visits with her written into an agreement.....until she gets clean and stays that way. You are one special man.....and it does my old heart good to knw there are still guys like you who will go beyond stepping up to the plate! Please keep me informed! BIG HUGS! F*GM

Please forgive the length of this, but I want to explain the situation clearly. This is a situation that is getting uglier almost by the hour. My 19 year old nephew and his ex girlfriend got pregnant and the baby was supposed to arrive on October 8, 2009. He is a full time college student, and works almost full time hours as a waiter. She is 17 and just finished her junior year in high school. (Yes...they made a bad mistake)

They attempted to stay together, his mother helped him get an apartment, and she moved in. She became very controlling, and did not want him to go to work, or school, or be anywhere that she didn't want to be. Although she is 17 she refuses to get a license, even though she has a car that was given to her over a year ago.

At one of her early dr. appts, she failed a drug screen. This did not surprise my nephew, since she had been raised in a home that drugs were an everyday thing. To the point that DFS decided that she could no longer live with her mother b/c of the danger level. (Her mom has had several run ins with the law, and is known to date drug users.) She is also known to smoke pot with her mom. After failing the drug test, and becoming so controlling, the anger/tension level increased, and they agreed to break up. However, he told her that she could still be his roommate, and have the 2nd bedroom as her room, and the baby's when it arrived. She agreed to this for about a month, in which time he still tended to her, took her to appointments, and school, and footed most of the bill. He did not have a girlfriend, we don't know about her at that time.

Now, after a month she decides it is not working & moves out, and is supposedly moving in with her aunt in another town. After a couple of weeks there my nephew learns that she has met a guy, and is spending a lot of time at his house. It was assumed that she was living there but not confirmed until recently. (She has been emancipated from her mother, and is only 17.) My nephew attempted to get updates on the pregnancy, or be able to attend dr. appts, but it was not received well. Her boyfriend called him at one time and threatened bodily harm if he called or bothered her again. He still tried to keep tabs on the baby, but it became increasingly difficult. She changed her doctor after another couple of months, and other than an occasional update my nephew, and sister had no idea what was happening.

On Auguat 25, my nephew and sister get calls telling them that she is in the hospital, in labor, and the baby will be born that day. The baby is 7 weeks early, and fear sets in. My sister and nephew were at the hospital all day, waiting. They left the waiting room 1 time to go to the gift shop and get something for her and the baby. When they return to the waiting room, it is still empty. Her mom and boyfriend had gone in with her earlier, and not come back yet. Finally, my sister calls the mom, and finds out that the baby had been born 1 1/2 hours earlier, before they had even gone to the gift shop. She said she tried to call 1 time, and it didn't go through. So now my nephew is dying to see his newborn baby girl, who was born at 3lbs 9oz, and 16"long. She is placed on oxygen, and put under jaundice lights. They wait and learn that the hospital gives 2 bands to the mother...1 for her, and 1 for another person of her choosing. She chose to give it to her mother. (The one that she is unable to live with b/c of the drug factor) Now the mother is also allowed to put 4 names on a list and those are the only people that can see the baby. She chose her boyfriend, my nephew, and my sister, and her father. Those 4 people on the list can't see the baby w/o the mother or her mom. The night of the birth, she said she was to tired, and couldn't get out of bed, b/c she was on IV's, and her mom had to leave. So on the night that his baby was born, my nephew only saw her from across 2 rooms as the nurse passed by a window.

Since that awful night, my nephew has tried to see the baby repeatedly and only succeeded 2 or 3 times. Each time he only gets 15-20 minutes, before an excuse is made as to why they need to leave, so he has to also. My sister has been able to go 3 or 4 times. However, most times they are told it is not convenient, and also informed not sure when it will be.

My nephew had talked to an attorney before the birth, and was trying to raise the $1500 retainer when the baby arrived early. He was told by an attorney that he could sign the affidavit that the hospital presented him with, b/c DNA testing would still be completed, although there is no denying the baby, she looks identical to him as an infant.

Since signing the affidavit the birth mother has not allowed him to visit the baby, and only allowed my sister 1 time. She also had stated that when she was released, she would be boarding at the hospital. However, she was released last night, and went home (out of the town where the hospital is...about 30min) and didn't get there until sometime late morning today. Tonight as my sister was visiting the baby, the ex told the nurse she would not be at the hosp until 5 or 5:30pm tomorrow night. She gave her a small bottle of breast milk, and asked if it would be enough. The nurse looked a little strange, and went to check..she returned and said that the baby would be out of breast milk by 1. The ex informed her that she could not be back by then. So the baby will be supplemented with another formula until the mother returns.

The ex also told my sister that my nephew could not just "show up" to see the baby. He needed to call her and ask for permission, and when would be a good time.

It is probably better for him not to be there until we have a course of action, but he is very upset and distraught over not being able to bond with his daughter.

My sister also learned from an employee of the district that the ex went to that she hopes they tested the baby for everything, b/c the mother was in to everything.

Please let me state for the record that my nephew is not now, and has never been a drug user, is in college full time, has an apartment, has a job, supportive family (who have not been in trouble with the law, or DFS, and don't use drugs), he has a license and a car, and already has the nursery items and car seat. He has the ability to have 24 hour help from his mother, grandmother, and numerous adult friends and family.

My family lives in Missouri, where fathers rights are often not acknowledged, even if the father WANTS to be a daddy! Has anyone been in a situation like this, or know someone that has. Does anyone know legally what the options are? My nephew wanted visitation, and joint custody. He doesn't want to take the baby away from her mother all together. He just wants the ability to be a dad!

ANY HELP IN THE WAY OF ADVISE, OPTIONS, OR NAMES OF LEGAL REP. WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. If the baby had been born on or around the correct date, he would have had the retainer, but 7 weeks is really early, and cut his time in 1/2. The 2 lawyers he has talked to won't set up a payment plan for him, so he can get the paperwork started. So where does a responsible 19 year old that wants to do the right thing turn?

Thank You