I dont know what to do anymore. I was prescribed adderall about 2 years ago for add/adhd, before that I was on ritalin. But in the last year, I have been taking more and more adderall. I am suppose to take 40 mgs a day (2pills twice a day) and I usually take 5-6 (100-120mgs). I look bad, I feel bad, I am a wreck. I am irritable, I never have sex with my husband anymore, I dont want to be touched, I dont want to be hugged nothing. Even when I do give in and we have sex, I can not have an orgasm at all, I dont even get close to having one. And before I started taking to much adderall I could have them easily and enjoyed sex. I feel like I am a different person, like I dont even know myself anymore. But the worst thing is I rather look skinny and sick, and feel irritable and anxious, and be miserable like I am now, than seek help and get off the medication. I tried to quit taking it, it was unbearable, I was so exhausted I could barely stand up, I was clumsy running into things. I feel worthless, depressed, stupid, ugly. I could not quit eating, I could barely open my eyes because I was so tired, but if I got up I was eating. I could barely drive to work, I was falling asleep behind the wheel, it scared me to death!!! So I called a friend (because I threw my pills out) and got a few of her adderalls until it was time to get mine filled again. It was an aweful feeling, and I just much rather be awake and up than tired and depressed. I know I am seriously addicted, but no one knows I have a problem or even take adderall, and I have been such a disapointment to my mother in the past, and the last couple of years she has been proud of me I could not tell her I was addicted to amphetemines that she didnt know I was taking. She knew when I took ritalin and she knew I abused it as well, thats why I cant tell her about the adderall. I could seek private help, but honestly I dont want to be off it, I just wish I could take a drug holiday for a week and then start taking it again but take it normally. I have been saying I was gonna take it right for a year now and have yet to do so. I know I sound stupid, because I am posting this about my addiction but I dont want to stop taking the thing I am addicted too. But I am so scared! I am unhealthy, my mind is tired and feels all used up. But without the adderall I dont feel like I can do anything. :cry:
