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Marriage In Trouble - Please Can Anyone Help?

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November 21st, 2005
We have been married for 24 years - next october is supposed to be our silver wedding.

My trouble of "erection dysfunction" first started about 10 years ago and occurred occasionally - we both put it down to tiredness and stress - but the condition got gradually worse. I had a mild heart attack last year and now can't manage to enjoy any sexual encounter at all - the desire and libido is there, but not the physical attribute! As a result of the heart condition, drugs like viagra are not recommended.

The trouble is, to start with, we used to blame anxiety and stress. Then my wife felt I was having an extra-marital affair (not true). Recently, she's begun to fret that i'm not finding her attractive any more - and that's not true, 'cos as you both grow older together, you still see the person you first married!

What worries me is the strain this is putting on our relationship - me feeling endless guilt - almost suicidal at times, her feeling hurt. We both say to each other that it doesn't matter, but each of us really does know how the other is feeling (you can't be together as long as we have without knowing) and I am scared!!!

I've asked for help for the physical side from the men's sexual health forum but I was wondering if anyone can suggest anything for the relations side of things! I love her too much to lose her!
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purpz28
replied December 16th, 2005
That is a very sweet but sad story..I really have no advice I just wanted to say that I would never leave my man if he had a prob like yours...I know it is easier for me to say because I am not in your shoes. But I don't believe she will leave.....I mean has she talked about leaving .....Do you really think after this long she would walk away because you have a problem? I could never do that. Maybe you can remind her of her beauty in other ways...Little romantic gestures or just by telling her more(unless you already do that) anyway i'm sorry I am not much help.
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mindoculus
replied January 11th, 2006
For the life of me I can't understand why you are so scared when
you already appear to know the answer to your own plight.

bealine wrote:
what worries me is the strain this is putting on our relationship - me feeling endless guilt - almost suicidal at times, her feeling hurt. We both say to each other that it doesn't matter, but each of us really does know how the other is feeling (you can't be together as long as we have without knowing) and I am scared!!!


if you each know how the other is feeling, then why are you feeling
guilty ?!?!

Please explain ! If you claim there is so much understanding and
sympathy, then why the stress ? Is there any love in the relationship ?

How would you define love ? How does she define love ? There seems
to be some dissonance between what you profess and what actually is.
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