Bipolar Disorder Forum - How Do I Deal With a Bipolar Wife?


How Do I Deal With a Bipolar Wife?

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roksandic

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to Those Who Are Ignorant Posted: 02-14-07 00:23am


If you don't know what you are talking about shut up!! We don't need your input. And you're just making things harder for those who actually are dealing with and understand these things. You do sound very ignorant and plain retarded.

disengaging

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Posted: 03-15-07 22:47pm


Ok, so my first husband was bi-polar Only, I never knew it, and didn't find out until LONG after we got divorced, like 15 years later, and when I was told that he finally was diagnosed as being severely bipolar, my first thought was, "Well, that certainly explains a lot!" My younger sister is also bipolar. My family just found this out as she and her husband have been hiding her disease from the rest of our family for many, many years. We only recently found out after she created a horrific scene at my mom's house this past Thanksgiving, ending by her stalking out of the house, screaming, "I'll see you all in Hell!" I wasn't there, I had enough of her drama queen temper tantrums years ago. I heard all about it though from my mom who cried afterwards for 3 days solid! As far as my ex-husband goes? Well, I had 7 years of "Oh my God what was I thinking???" That I'm still working on putting behind me. I left him the day I not only found out he was cheating on me, but his girlfriend was actually living in our attic! I was almost grateful that finally, he gave me a legitimate reason to leave him that I could reconcile with my religious and moral beliefs. Oh, he's remarried. Poor woman. Poor poor woman. No, I'm not just saying this. I don't really know what's wrong with her, but apparently her nerves are shot and they expect she will soon be confined to a wheelchair--and she's not even 50 yet. My sister's husband? Oh, pretty much reduced to a babbling fool, and now I suspect he's REALLY in trouble for having told my family that my sister threw her tantrum because she went off her bi-polar meds! Of all the many people on this planet, these are the 2 I could live my life quitely happily without ever hearing from or seeing again. No, it's really NOT OK to completely destroy the lives of everyone around you just because you have a "disorder". Both of them might be somewhat capable of civility if they would stay on their meds, but they don't. They're no different from any other addict other than the fact that their drug of choice is NO drugs! The reason your wife lays around and sleeps all day? My guess is she's missing her adreneline high from her manic phase. She won't be able to last and probably go off her meds soon--my ex and my sister always do! Oh..MY..GOD....!! The things they do! Those here who are suggesting divorce? Oh, I think they're serious, their concerns, legitimate, and you may wish to consider their recommendation before she destroys the last shreds of your sanity as well. Take care!

Lost17

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Posted: 03-29-07 11:56am


My first suggestion to you: Dont be an enabler. Do not allow her to be like this. It is not fair to you. You must think about yourself and your mental well being. I watched my mother destroy my fathers life. He did everything he could do to help her. He went to counseling with her, paid for the best doctors, enrolled her in many programs...... on and on.. But he also enabled her to lay in bed all day and do nothing. Eventually she got so bad that she put a gun to my brothers head and attempted to kill him and then turned it on my father. They finally divorced after 25 yrs of this. I think the divorce woke her up. Since the divorce she is actively seeking help on her own. She is also less manipulative and evil. Her and my father are currently dating again and seem much happier. It seems that in the end, the person has to be willing to help themselves. Be there and support her through this, but do not be an enabler! when it starts making you feel like less of a person.....its time to get out.

dion747

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Posted: 03-30-07 06:42am


Hi, If you really love your wife, the first thing I would do is research the condition. Go and seek help together. If she had cancer, would you dump her? An illness is a illness. You being distance or unsure will not help her. I see some people telling you to leave her. Might as well put a pillow over her face while she is out cold. Bipolar is hard to live with, but first I would make sure that is what she has. Get more than one opinion. Work as a team, although, she'll make it hard, if it's important to you then you will feel good about it in the end. BTW What I know about the disease, I was Bipolar in the days when they were still calling it personality disorder, being force fed 400 mg of Thorzine daily. Then it was called manic depression, and now it's Bipolar. I get goverment disability to be Bipolar for the past 10 years. As far meds go, I have been on and off them, self medicated for years, and now since, 1999, no meds at all, when you can notice the trigger, you can prepare better for the mood swings. So as I said, make sure what you are dealing with and work it out with her, it could be meds, or something a silly as a puppy that can bring calm into her life to help her cope. Good Luck d.

photochiq

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Bipolar Wife Posted: 01-19-08 09:38am


After reading through the other responces to your post I felt the need to respond. I too have a partner with bipolar disorder. I know what it is like to wake up one morning and feel like the person you just woke up next to is not the person that you married. Your finances are a mess you are stressed out and emotional, you feel at times like there is not much more of this that you can handle. It is difficult everyday you are either dealing with what is happening with your spouse right now or you are dealing internally with the things your spouse has already done or where they will go next. It is taxing but I do agree that you have to think about wether your wife is worth the effort. I wouldnt tell you to leave her or to stay that decision is up to you. Bipolar disorder has a way of wedging itself right in between you and your partner. I have been lied to, cheated on, decieved, etc... the list goes on but you know that. At the end of the day I always try to remember that my partner is sick and she wouldnt be doing this to me on purpose. I have to remember that she loves me too and if she is unable to get off the couch or out of bed or if she is manic and looking for the next good time that it has nothing to do with me. That part is really difficult. Being patient with your partner and her doctors while they sort out the best treatments for her is so important. Remeber that for whatever emotions you have in terms of this illness your partner feels even more. Someone made mention to your inlaws think you are an angel and your friends think you are nuts, it couldnt be more true. I know most people would run in the other direction and never look back, but for me I love her very much and I would hope if I were in her shoes and she were in mine that she would do the same for me. I hold onto the hope that she would deside that I was worth the effort and stand by my side, if only in scilence. If your wife is in treatment and seeing a therapist and a shrink than hold on to the hope because she is seeking help and wants to get better. And believe she wants to get better not only for herself but also for you. Something that humanity has thrown by the wayside that I think is so important and the reason for so many people just walking away from their unions is that we forgot along the way how to give someone unconditional love. We replaced that with egocentric ideals. If someone hurts us we run, if someone gets sick we run, if someone lies to us we run. We are always running. Time to stop running.

designlady

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Posted: 01-21-08 22:16pm

hottpinkgun0016 wrote:

Theres only one thing to do.. Get a divorce.

Trust me, their violent..

Scary stuff man.

Okay. Let me just tell you something, smarty! I was in this situation once, except I was the wife who was unstable for a long while! If it weren't for my caring, loving husband to support me, I'd be freakin' dead now. It's the ones we love who need to love us back, not leave us for a medical condition that we cannot control without help! Sometimes meds don't work and sometimes they take a while to get used to.

And to you, original poster, the husband--hang in there. My husband did and I'm so thankful. Since I finally got on the right meds, our marriage has grown stronger every year. We are so close and I thank him every day for not leaving me because bipolar is "scary stuff." Yeah, it's scary, but that doesn't mean you have to run away from it. You vowed "for better or for worse." Please prove to her that you mean it.

For hotpinkgun0016, you know what you deserve? To get bipolar disorder yourself and have your spouse walk out on you when you need her the most! Get a heart, man. Mad

Lisa

joeyisgood

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Running bipolar wife Posted: 02-27-08 13:06pm


This is my first post so excuse me if i'm asking questions that have been asked a million times before. Ok so check it out.... I've been married for five years to a woman who was diagnosed BP about 2 years ago..She recently picked a fight, the usual everything she does is my fault.... and then left the home. Just days before she left she was referring to a friend of hers that had left her husband and was saying how happy she was that she didn't run and our life together is everything to her. Been gone for three days now, staying with a friend... and somehow dosen't understand how her being gone effects anyone. (has one child with me, and one from the previous marriage) This is the first time she has actually left. She had talked about feeling the need to run before and cycles about 4 times a year. She is on meds but dosen't take them consistently, if I ask about them, I'm a controlling tyrant. My main question is in everyone's experience, how long does it take for this kind of thing to pass? I'm just asking for your experiences, I know that there are no definite rules regarding BP. I also know that it may never pass. Also, whats the best way to go about letting her know how much this is effecting all involved, that I do want her to feel safe and be able to work out whatever she is going through without running. Any advise would be great.....And to all you "get a divorce" people: please do me a favor and don't respond to my question. I would be in a legal forum asking questions if thats what I was looking for. Thanks All!

designlady

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Posted: 02-27-08 15:32pm


This thing doesn't really "pass," but can be controlled if she will stay on her meds. That's probably what's got her so out of whack. Does she see a therapist? Can you go with her to voice your concern? The therapist can help you communicate with her more effectively since that's one thing they're trained to do. You may also want to get one of the kids to call just to say, "Miss you, Mom. Love you. Please come home soon." Also, you may want to seek advice on how to remind her about her meds without being a "controlling tyrant." I once had a watch that beeped every time I had to take something, but that's when I was taking meds 4 or 5 times a day. I don't need it now since it's basically once in the AM and once in the PM. My husband still asks occasionally if I've had my meds, but it certainly doesn't offend me. Good luck to you. PM me if you need to.

joeyisgood

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Just to be clear Posted: 02-27-08 15:51pm


When i said "thing" i didnt mean BP. I meant the "running" cycle. Thanks for the advise.

noisesnob

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wow Posted: 02-27-08 22:20pm


The people who responded here who are NOT bipolar and generalizing way out of proportion here make it sound like people with the disorder are completely mindless, incapacitated members of society! Well, thanks. I plan on getting married and living out a happy, healthy relationship.... even if I am bipolar! oh and disengaging... I found your response particularly disgusting.

designlady

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Re: wow
Posted: 02-28-08 10:57am

noisesnob wrote:

I found your response particularly disgusting.

Who's response? Confused

noisesnob

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not yours! Posted: 02-28-08 13:41pm


design lady, you left a good response. cute kitty!

designlady

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Posted: 02-28-08 14:20pm


Whew! Thanks, noisesnob. Thanks, I love my kitty, too. That one's only 9 months old, but she's SO big.

steve sbg007

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my wife Posted: 05-18-08 19:11pm


I am at the end of my rope.I truly love my wife,but it seems that around summer she goes insane[at this time anything can trigger this].What i mean is she leaves me to go to her mothers and do as she pleases.She says she is so confused,but if you only knew her mother..well she would be better off anywhere else[her mother does'nt love her,never has].At anyrate I can [and have]deal with almost anything but I'm sick of this.I'm willing to help her but I cant when she makes it imposible. She may have bipolar,but does it justify this type behavior or am I a fool?

antigone

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Posted: 05-18-08 23:57pm


You are not a fool. You may not recognize the fact that she is not stable. Spring time for those with bipolar disorder is a nightmare. They become manic and this leads to some very disruptive behavior. She will be back. She needs to see her doctor and have her medications reevaluated. Perhaps a dose adjustment is needed. Her doctor should be made aware of her behavior. I know it can be difficult to get someone treatment if they don't want it. When she comes home she is likely to be less manic. Approach her then and try to convince her to go to the doctor with you. Log the behaviors you have seen so the doctor gets an accurate picture of what has been going on. Try to realize what is driving her behavior. It may make it easier to deal with when you know it is due to an illness. Do you go to any support group? This may be something to consider if you don't already go to one. You can get some great advice, suggestions and feedback. You will have somewhere to unload with people who understand everything you are going through. People who don't live with the illness or have a loved one with the illness have little comprehension for how it effects your life. Bipolar disorder does not give someone a free pass to misbehave. Medications should be adjusted every spring, in my opinion. It may prevent some of the manic episodes for some people. I know this doesn't help much. Just know you are not along in this. We are here and will offer any suggestions we can. Let us know how you are doing.

steve sbg007

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my wife Posted: 05-21-08 09:42am


thank you for your reply I will be seeing her this weekend,I need all the advice I can get.How can I talk to her about coming home and getting help?Is there a way to approach her and reason with her without her going into a frenzy[she avoids reality and the strain this is putting on our relationship at all cost].I must add that the longer she's away from home the worse her mind becomes.What can I do and say to get through?