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How Do I Deal With a Bipolar Wife? (Page 1)

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My wife has a history of mental illness, and is once again on medicine for her bipolar disorder. This is her third type of medicine she is taking for this disorder. She was on one medicine for a month, seemed to work ok, then she went on another medicine and it seemed to work even better, and now she is on a third medicine and her and my life are now terrible.

Is it common to just lay around and sleep all day and not want to do anything?

I'm just really worried because I love my wife, but i'm having terrible problems dealing with how she acts. Now that she is on this new med, she is constantly sad, she is never nice to me, it seems like she can't stand me.

Are these things that will just go away when the meds start working? Basically, I just want to know what I can do to help her, because she isn't willing to talk to me about how she feels or how to make her feel better. All she says is leave me alone.

Sad husband who wants to help wife.....Please respond.
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First Helper Sarah_bobera
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replied November 22nd, 2005
Pi-polar Partner
I sympathise with you. My husband has suspected bi-polar, I don't know if it is heritary, but it does run a lot in his family. Doesn't work, sleeps all day, is so nasty to his mother, we lost our apartment because he spends our money. I have to keep money at work, hide it in my underwear etc. He owes thousands of dollars, was caught shoplifting the other day. The list goes on. He feels he is so important. When I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago, he sent a bouquet of flowers himself, but pretended that they were from a union president. He tells everyone about what a great job he has - he does nothing. It is evident he is ill, but he has no medical coverage, nor do i, but he is eligible for medicaid but won't even get up from the sofa to sort that out.
As for the response - get a divorce - believe me, I understand it, if I had enough money to live on my own with our daughter, or go back to ireland, I would do just that. That doesn't mean we are hateful people, or we don't understand, I am broke, I work 12 hours per day, pay a fortune in childminders, and I have nothing to show for it. I had to sell my house in ireland to pay off our hospital debts from the miscarriage because he told the admin that his friend the union president would pay the bill. I have nothing, I feel I am nothing. I am the one who should get medication.
Sandra
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replied November 22nd, 2005
Mabey you should try to understand what is going on with her and when she says she needs her space don't smother her. When she says she wants to kill herself don't think she is just looking for pity, perhaps she is just looking for a way or the right time. Mabey you should understand that just breathing is a difficult task, therefore going to work and school full time are very taxing on her. Or mabey you should think about the fact that the only reason she is even trying (and she is trying) is for you and her child. Mabey you should try to understand that it takes everything she has just to get out of bed in the morning whether it be due to the changing of the meds or the waiting for this new one to work she is trying :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
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replied November 23rd, 2005
Experienced User
Maybe You Could
Call her doctor and report on the effect of this medication.


It may steady itself, but if she is not functional after 6 weeks on any medication, then it probably will not work and they have to try another drug, or another dosage, etc.


Do not be shy about calling the prescribing psychiatrist. I did two weeks ago and discovered that my husband's doctor only knew that he was a parent to one child (we have two!) and now knows that he has been refusing to meet any of the therapists that the children and I meet regularly. For two years. So i'm authorizing sharing of information because my husband has been blowing so much smoke up the doctor's derriere I am surprised he hasn't set off an alarm. It's irresponsible of him to minimize the effects his behaviour has had on our children. I can't fix everything, nor can I protect them from everything.

Psst, by the way, if you think the mental health care system has failed your spouse, you ain't seen nothing until you have thoroughly checked out how it is failing the children of the mentally ill. Children don't just slip between cracks, they are being kicked into a chasm. Unless the kids are diagnosed as mentally ill, no one really wants to hear about them. That includes the national alliance for the mentally ill. I am the first person on record calling nami and seeking a peer-support group for the children of the mentally ill. There are none.


But there will be. I am nothing if not stubborn, resourceful and smart. I now have three psychiatrists and two practices I am working with to set up same.

Boundaries are key. If something is really outrageous or bothering you do not treat an adult like a child. Spit it out. If they are raging and throwing you have every right and a moral obligation to protect yourself--remove yourself from the scene.

In the meanwhile, get off of any any joint credit cards and get separate accounts at different banks. Password protect yours. Your spouse may not like it and will scream the usual, "you don't trust me!" but honestly, some people are not trustworthy in certain situations. Maybe never with a platinum card!
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replied October 28th, 2011
Bi-Polar GF/commonlaw wife, better off w/o me?
My girlfriend...well, common law wife (she does have a ring on her slender finger) has been diagnosed as Bi-Polar. For the four+ years we've been living together her doctor told her she only had an Panic Disorder and was medicated in that manner. It was only this past year that she became....well, worse. She invented a new persona for herself as well as myself. In this fantasy I was an evil poet with voodoo powers. She found a new boyfriend who vowed to protect her from me. This went on for six weeks before her elaborate web of lies entangled the ones she used to escape. She spent just about a month in psychiatric care before being released. There is love, strong love between us but there is also now an issue of trust. She believes that I am throwing myself into every woman's bed I come across. Is this type of paranoia typical? Is it more a extended guilty conscience?
She will claim time after time that she is happy with me and loves me with all her being. But she also claims claims to constantly being seconds away from "loosing it" and on the verge of a break down. I've spent a majority of my life suicidal and claim I can relate.
Are we poison? Would she live a better life without me?
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replied November 23rd, 2011
Tired Mentally!
I feel your pain my wife is the same way. I'm just tired of being beat up mentally! At what point do you call it quits? My wife and I have been together for 5 years now and its only getting worse! Living with a bipolar wife is the hardest thing I've ever done and I've been in the Marine Corps for 7 years now! I love her to death but I can only take so much stress also!
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replied November 23rd, 2011
Tired Mentally!
I feel your pain my wife is the same way. I'm just tired of being beat up mentally! At what point do you call it quits? My wife and I have been together for 5 years now and its only getting worse! Living with a bipolar wife is the hardest thing I've ever done and I've been in the Marine Corps for 7 years now! I love her to death but I can only take so much stress also it effects work and personal life. You cant angry it makes there 20 times more angry what do you do? Who do you vent to?
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replied November 26th, 2005
nm
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replied December 5th, 2005
Just try to be there for her the best you can dont get a divorce! If you love her you have to realize this is a part of her and it is not her fault and I am sure that she doesnt want it either! My mom and dad got a divorce because of my mom being in mental hospitals and being bipolar, it was so horrible, just be there for her, that is the most important thing you should do
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replied December 5th, 2005
Sounds like you love your wife, and I have to applaud you for that. And the person that said get a divorce, must be the type of person that runs away from problems, so therefore he dont have to deal with them. Anyway, I hope you can work things through the way you want, it must be difficult to be in a situation like that. I am sure that you take alot of mental abuse, and you just want the "wife" you married. She find the right combination of meds and she should come back. Hang in there.
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replied December 5th, 2005
I feel for you I do,i have bipolar disorder and schizotypal personality disorder and im 6 months pregnant which pregnancy has made this illness 100000x worse.
Im sorry to say but if I were you,no matter how much you love each other,id divorce.
Id rather my partner leave me in all honesty,as its no life for him or us and it hurts to put him through it. Ive tried leaving him but its hard for him to realize that this is what it will be like..For life.Im not putting anyone through the same hell as me.Good luck to you and your wife.
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replied January 26th, 2006
My wife has gone through similar problems. I have gotten through the trouble by dedicating myself to loving my wife. Being brave in times of trouble ensures that you will always feel strong when your personality is questioned.

Think of your wife, and ask yourself if she is worth it. If she is like my wife, then you will agree she is worth it. Love her, worship her, adore her, even if you do not understand her.

Sincerely,

ryan bushby
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replied February 1st, 2006
Bipolar Wife
Perhaps I missed something but, if the first med. Was working and the second one was working even better, why would the Dr. Change it??? Does it not make sense to stick with what works?

I am freshly diagnosed bipolar and although it is a long haul, my Dr. Started with a small dose of lithium and is gradually increasing until we hit the perfect strength (by this I assume he means when I feel happy, relaxed and content as most 'normals' do) although I do not feel that this latest dose it the final one because although I am much better than unmedicated, I do not have that really good feeling that reminds me that I am somebody who counts in this world. By sticking to what works and gradually increasing it, we hope to achieve success. I just therefore don't understand why your Dr. Keeps changing the med. Rather than for instance, using the second one which you say worked best, and gradually increase its dosage. Such a blatant reverse in her behaviour with this third med. Should be sounding off alarms for the Dr. Perhaps getting a second opinion? Not all psychiatrists fit well with all people. Your wife deserves the best effort from those who treat her and nothing less. Ask questions, don't be afraid to offend. If this Dr. Is not willing to invest the time and patience it takes to find the perfect blend then go to someone else. It is her life he's/she's playing with, not their own.

Much love and good luck.
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replied February 3rd, 2006
I Am the Bipolar Wife!
:(

i am the bipolar wife. I hate being bipolar, but I have realized it also is the fabric of who I am it affects everything I do. Sometimes I can handle it, sometimes I cant. Right now, I am almost 7 months pregnant, and being bipolar and pregnant is no joy ride, let me tell you. There are more bad days right now than good.

There are days I go from the bed to the couch, showering takes all of my energy. Its so depressing. I am getting so depressed that I physically dont have any energy. I dont think i'm having no energy because I am depressed, if that makes sense.

My poor husband, he is my hero for still being here. I have problems with money, like most bipolar people I know. I try like hell to educate him on bipolar and how it affects a person. He is being patient with me, and trying to understand. I explain that I try to put myself in his shoes, trying to deal with me and my bipolar is not easy, but he also has to realize that being the one with bipolar is hard too. We have to meet in the middle, and he is supportive of me for the most part. I know he thinks i'm lazy when I just sit on the couch all day and night (we also have a 19 month old daughter, so that takes a lot out of me too).

I know that with the right meds, and counsiling, and the love and support of my husband, I do good. I do better than I would if he wasn't involved as he is. I got lucky to have him. It took a long time to get him to understand, but educating him is the key to progress. It is a never ending learning process, while I learn more about myself and my ilness, he also learns what to expect and how to deal with me.

Please dont give up on her, she needs you the most now. Try not to be too judgemental, i'm sure she dosen't like being bipolar. Learn what you can about the disease, and if possible go to counsiling with her or her psyche doctors.

Thanks for listining and good luck to you both.
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Users who thank mommyinmay for this post: JessicaCaylee 

replied February 6th, 2006
What's Your Problem!?!?!
You know, some people are actually here for help and information, not the usless sarcasm that you felt you had to provide. Maybe its funny to you, but to me its just plain rude and insensitive.

It's people like you that hold preconcieved notions about people like me with bipolar and other mental disorders. It's sad really. Not sad that I have bipolar, but sad that you are so closed-minded and judgemental of others.

I have so many things I want to say to you, but to tell you the truth, you are not worth my time or energy. It's sad to see another adult making fun of people with mental illnesses. Do you also make fun of the kids with down syndrome? Do you laugh at people in wheelchairs?


You disgust me, and we should be afraid of intolerant people like you, who make fun of things they don't understand. You scare me with your generalizations of bipolar people. You scare me with your ignorance. You are just plain scary.

Maybe your spouse should divorce you.
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replied March 13th, 2006
How to Help Your Wife With Bi-polar
Hi,

so, you have a wife that is bi-polar huh? Well, I have this condition as well. I am 19 years old and did not realize I had bi-polar until I was about 17. I have gone through a numerous amount of medications to see which ones would work.

Usually it takes a while for the medications to work. During the first while of taking the medications, the human body has to adjust to what is being put in the body. So, your wife might be experiencing some bad side effects at the moment and perhaps that is why she is struggeling to get out of bed. For example: her stomache might be upset. This more of a milder side effect. With each set of pills there is a side effect. It takes time to get used to it.

Have you ever considered therapy? Therapy can be very useful when dealing with mental illnesses. If you suggest to your wife a therapist, perhaps she will be able to identify better what is triggering her unstable emotions. Has she had any history of sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal etc? Some of these things can lead a person to have unstable moods. Also, does alcoholsim run in the family on either side of her parents. These are all questions to consider.

Buy healthy food and have it prepared ahead of time. Sometimes people who are depressed do not have an appitite or energy to prepare anything, so by doing this, she can just go to the fridge and grab something that has nutrients. Also, try to get her on some vitamins. Women tend to be low in iron. By putting her on something with iron, she might have more energy. *remember being depressed deprives a person of their energy, weather they like it or not. B6 and b12 are really good for depression. However, be sure to consult the psychiatrist before hand as some of these vitamins can react with some of the meds she is taking. Encourage her to come with you for short walks. Like 15 mins or so. That is a start. Fresh air is really important. Buy her some lavander bubble bath. Lavander is a herb that is very calming. Be sure to have her bath a couble hrs before bed since having a hot bath can increase a persons blood pressure. Buy a relaxation cd. She might like to listen to this before bed to calm down her racing thoughts. If you guys have any faith in god maybe the two of you can pray together, or you can pray for her. She does not hate you. When she is mean and does not want to be around you, it is the disorder speaking. She is ill right now. She just needs as much love and support as she can get. Read up on bi-polar as much as you can.


I really hope I helped you. Good luck. Be hopeful.
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Users who thank Sarah_bobera for this post: IthinkImtheshit 

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replied March 13th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi there! You need to both go to the dr and allow him/her to explain things and you can talk to the dr also. You love her and she loves you and like the poster said, sometimes it takes time for meds to work. Their are even non-bipolar women that have their bad days. She did not ask for this and you took her as she was, it is not her fault, it sounds like she does the best she can wwith one 19 month child and being 7 months pregnant is difficult enough. If you truly love her, you will stay and sometimes, just go and take a little walk. You are special and it sounds like you have someome else that is, just try to help her and hang in there for her!
The best to you and yours!
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replied May 16th, 2006
Re: How Do I Deal With a Bipolar Wife?
bb1980 wrote:
my wife has a history of mental illness, and is once again on medicine for her bipolar disorder. This is her third type of medicine she is taking for this disorder. She was on one medicine for a month, seemed to work ok, then she went on another medicine and it seemed to work even better, and now she is on a third medicine and her and my life are now terrible.


Is it common to just lay around and sleep all day and not want to do anything?

I'm just really worried because I love my wife, but i'm having terrible problems dealing with how she acts. Now that she is on this new med, she is constantly sad, she is never nice to me, it seems like she can't stand me.


Are these things that will just go away when the meds start working? Basically, I just want to know what I can do to help her, because she isn't willing to talk to me about how she feels or how to make her feel better. All she says is leave me alone.


Sad husband who wants to help wife.....Please respond.


first, i'm really sorry things are difficult.
If I were you, I would firstly get her on a different medication. Sounds like it's having an adverse effect. Go back to the one that had things great.
Sometimes when you're that sad, nothing seems to help. I've been there so I know how she feels, but I can also sympathize with your situation. Some things you could do to help her feel a bit better that helped me some is maybe play some songs she likes, if you have inside jokes use them, write little notes, pick a flower or two [preferabley her favorite!], if she will let you just hold her hand and tell her that you love her.

jim colyer wrote:
get a divorce.


you're an ass. Get a life.
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replied September 12th, 2006
Re: Your Wife
Looks like you need her to get back on the second medication that she was on..Sometimes its best not to fix something that's not broken. All bipolar people are not the same as far as meds...What works for her will not work for others....Get her doctor to put her back on what she ws on before this third med.
Good luck to you
i am walking in your shoes right now. Dealing with my wife with bipolar.
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replied September 13th, 2006
Hi,

set an appointment with psychatrist, give here regular medication.
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replied September 18th, 2006
Experienced User
Sadly I agree with jim

you sound like a "fixer" I was for many years. Prior to my ex fiancee I was engaged to a man that was addicted to perscribed drugs, prior to him a man that did cocaine.

I posted my story on a new thread entitled: thinking about dating someone that is bipolar, read here first.
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replied September 18th, 2006
Experienced User
Worried 89
I actually don't think jim is an ass. I agree.

There is only so much you can do and life is too short to be sad and depressed. Many bipolar people are unwilling to do what it takes to get help.

It's always about "them". Sometimes when you have done all you can, the only thing left is to walk away
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replied February 14th, 2007
How to Deal
You've made the number one most important step already; loving her!! It's admirable, keep doing it that's what she needs the most. I would look at getting her back on the second medication that was helping her the most. This is a team effort even though it feels and may even be the case, that you are doing everything and holding your lives together. Here is some great info I found as I have been going through a similar situation. Http://www.Healthyplace.Com/communities/bi polar/related/support_019.Asp

it has helped me a lot and now I feel like I can go on. Knowledge really is power.

Oh and never, ever, ever listen to negative feedback or comments made by others. If you have people around you that tend to be negative towards this, they are delusional and should not be listened to. It may even be a good thing to just (if possible) not be around those individuals.

Always be positive for yourself and your spouse. She recognizes that you love her and that you would probably do just about anything for her. She may not be able to express that but, she knows and she appreciates it and loves you all the same and more than likely more!

She can't help the way she feels she wishes she could. This is never going to fully go away but at times it will be better than others. Remember the good times and don't dwell on the tough. Be sure to find happy things, just laugh it seems to make the bad seem better. And always remember the spouse you love and the things you love about them even if they seemed to have dissappeared they're there, and be patient.
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