How Do I Deal With a Bipolar Wife? Posted: 11-20-05 19:31pm
My wife has a history of mental illness,
and is once again on medicine for her
bipolar disorder. This is her third type
of medicine she is taking for this
disorder. She was on one medicine for a
month, seemed to work ok, then she went on
another medicine and it seemed to work
even better, and now she is on a third
medicine and her and my life are now
terrible.
Is it common to just lay around and sleep
all day and not want to do anything?
I'm just really worried because I love my
wife, but i'm having terrible problems
dealing with how she acts. Now that she
is on this new med, she is constantly sad,
she is never nice to me, it seems like she
can't stand me.
Are these things that will just go away
when the meds start working? Basically, I
just want to know what I can do to help
her, because she isn't willing to talk to
me about how she feels or how to make her
feel better. All she says is leave me
alone.
Sad husband who wants to help
wife.....Please respond.
|
sandrareay
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1 Location: New York
Pi-polar Partner Posted: 11-22-05 11:56am
I sympathise with you. My husband has
suspected bi-polar, I don't know if it is
heritary, but it does run a lot in his
family. Doesn't work, sleeps all day, is
so nasty to his mother, we lost our
apartment because he spends our money. I
have to keep money at work, hide it in my
underwear etc. He owes thousands of
dollars, was caught shoplifting the other
day. The list goes on. He feels he is
so important. When I had a miscarriage a
couple of years ago, he sent a bouquet of
flowers himself, but pretended that they
were from a union president. He tells
everyone about what a great job he has -
he does nothing. It is evident he is
ill, but he has no medical coverage, nor
do i, but he is eligible for medicaid but
won't even get up from the sofa to sort
that out.
As for the response - get a divorce -
believe me, I understand it, if I had
enough money to live on my own with our
daughter, or go back to ireland, I would
do just that. That doesn't mean we are
hateful people, or we don't understand, I
am broke, I work 12 hours per day, pay a
fortune in childminders, and I have
nothing to show for it. I had to sell my
house in ireland to pay off our hospital
debts from the miscarriage because he told
the admin that his friend the union
president would pay the bill. I have
nothing, I feel I am nothing. I am the
one who should get medication.
Sandra
|
KNLB
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 1
Posted: 11-22-05 16:56pm
Mabey you should try to understand what is
going on with her and when she says she
needs her space don't smother her. When
she says she wants to kill herself don't
think she is just looking for pity,
perhaps she is just looking for a way or
the right time. Mabey you should
understand that just breathing is a
difficult task, therefore going to work
and school full time are very taxing on
her. Or mabey you should think about the
fact that the only reason she is even
trying (and she is trying) is for you and
her child. Mabey you should try to
understand that it takes everything she
has just to get out of bed in the morning
whether it be due to the changing of the
meds or the waiting for this new one to
work she is trying :!: :!: :!: :!:
:!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
:!:
|
DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Maybe You Could Posted: 11-23-05 07:06am
Call her doctor and report on the effect
of this medication.
It may steady itself, but if she is not
functional after 6 weeks on any
medication, then it probably will not work
and they have to try another drug, or
another dosage, etc.
Do not be shy about calling the
prescribing psychiatrist. I did two
weeks ago and discovered that my husband's
doctor only knew that he was a parent to
one child (we have two!) and now knows
that he has been refusing to meet any of
the therapists that the children and I
meet regularly. For two years. So
i'm authorizing sharing of information
because my husband has been blowing so
much smoke up the doctor's derriere I am
surprised he hasn't set off an alarm.
It's irresponsible of him to minimize the
effects his behaviour has had on our
children. I can't fix everything, nor
can I protect them from everything.
Psst, by the way, if you think the mental
health care system has failed your spouse,
you ain't seen nothing until you have
thoroughly checked out how it is failing
the children of the mentally ill.
Children don't just slip between cracks,
they are being kicked into a chasm.
Unless the kids are diagnosed as mentally
ill, no one really wants to hear about
them. That includes the national
alliance for the mentally ill. I am the
first person on record calling nami and
seeking a peer-support group for the
children of the mentally ill. There are
none.
But there will be. I am nothing if not
stubborn, resourceful and smart. I now
have three psychiatrists and two practices
I am working with to set up same.
Boundaries are key. If something is
really outrageous or bothering you do not
treat an adult like a child. Spit it
out. If they are raging and throwing
you have every right and a moral
obligation to protect yourself--remove
yourself from the scene.
In the meanwhile, get off of any any joint
credit cards and get separate accounts at
different banks. Password protect
yours. Your spouse may not like it and
will scream the usual, "you don't trust
me!" but honestly, some people are not
trustworthy in certain situations.
Maybe never with a platinum card!
|
MomToSoonThree
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Mo
Posted: 11-26-05 06:00am
nm
Last edited by MomToSoonThree on 04-25-07 20:10pm; edited 1 time in total
|
tricialynn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 17 Location: Michigan
Posted: 12-05-05 12:50pm
Just try to be there for her the best you
can dont get a divorce! If you love her
you have to realize this is a part of her
and it is not her fault and I am sure that
she doesnt want it either! My mom and dad
got a divorce because of my mom being in
mental hospitals and being bipolar, it was
so horrible, just be there for her, that
is the most important thing you should do
|
linda_jo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2005 Posts: 3
Posted: 12-05-05 13:27pm
Sounds like you love your wife, and I have
to applaud you for that. And the person
that said get a divorce, must be the type
of person that runs away from problems, so
therefore he dont have to deal with them.
Anyway, I hope you can work things through
the way you want, it must be difficult to
be in a situation like that. I am sure
that you take alot of mental abuse, and
you just want the "wife" you married. She
find the right combination of meds and she
should come back. Hang in there.
|
littlenonni
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Dec 2005 Posts: 1 Location: edinburgh
Posted: 12-05-05 15:05pm
I feel for you I do,i have bipolar
disorder and schizotypal personality
disorder and im 6 months pregnant which
pregnancy has made this illness 100000x
worse.
Im sorry to say but if I were you,no
matter how much you love each other,id
divorce.
Id rather my partner leave me in all
honesty,as its no life for him or us and
it hurts to put him through it. Ive tried
leaving him but its hard for him to
realize that this is what it will be
like..For life.Im not putting anyone
through the same hell as me.Good luck to
you and your wife.
|
HighInBC
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 1
Posted: 01-26-06 01:35am
My wife has gone through similar problems.
I have gotten through the trouble by
dedicating myself to loving my wife.
Being brave in times of trouble ensures
that you will always feel strong when your
personality is questioned.
Think of your wife, and ask yourself if
she is worth it. If she is like my wife,
then you will agree she is worth it. Love
her, worship her, adore her, even if you
do not understand her.
Sincerely,
ryan bushby
|
purpleharold
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jan 2006 Posts: 3
Bipolar Wife Posted: 02-01-06 17:40pm
Perhaps I missed something but, if the
first med. Was working and the second one
was working even better, why would the Dr.
Change it??? Does it not make sense to
stick with what works?
I am freshly diagnosed bipolar and
although it is a long haul, my Dr.
Started with a small dose of lithium and
is gradually increasing until we hit the
perfect strength (by this I assume he
means when I feel happy, relaxed and
content as most 'normals' do) although I
do not feel that this latest dose it the
final one because although I am much
better than unmedicated, I do not have
that really good feeling that reminds me
that I am somebody who counts in this
world. By sticking to what works and
gradually increasing it, we hope to
achieve success. I just therefore don't
understand why your Dr. Keeps changing
the med. Rather than for instance, using
the second one which you say worked best,
and gradually increase its dosage. Such
a blatant reverse in her behaviour with
this third med. Should be sounding off
alarms for the Dr. Perhaps getting a
second opinion? Not all psychiatrists fit
well with all people. Your wife deserves
the best effort from those who treat her
and nothing less. Ask questions, don't
be afraid to offend. If this Dr. Is not
willing to invest the time and patience it
takes to find the perfect blend then go to
someone else. It is her life he's/she's
playing with, not their own.
Much love and good luck.
|
mommyinmay
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 5 Location: New York
I Am the Bipolar Wife! Posted: 02-03-06 01:00am
:(
i am the bipolar wife. I hate being
bipolar, but I have realized it also is
the fabric of who I am it affects
everything I do. Sometimes I can handle
it, sometimes I cant. Right now, I am
almost 7 months pregnant, and being
bipolar and pregnant is no joy ride, let
me tell you. There are more bad days
right now than good.
There are days I go from the bed to the
couch, showering takes all of my energy.
Its so depressing. I am getting so
depressed that I physically dont have any
energy. I dont think i'm having no energy
because I am depressed, if that makes
sense.
My poor husband, he is my hero for still
being here. I have problems with money,
like most bipolar people I know. I try
like hell to educate him on bipolar and
how it affects a person. He is being
patient with me, and trying to understand.
I explain that I try to put myself in his
shoes, trying to deal with me and my
bipolar is not easy, but he also has to
realize that being the one with bipolar is
hard too. We have to meet in the middle,
and he is supportive of me for the most
part. I know he thinks i'm lazy when I
just sit on the couch all day and night
(we also have a 19 month old daughter, so
that takes a lot out of me too).
I know that with the right meds, and
counsiling, and the love and support of my
husband, I do good. I do better than I
would if he wasn't involved as he is. I
got lucky to have him. It took a long
time to get him to understand, but
educating him is the key to progress. It
is a never ending learning process, while
I learn more about myself and my ilness,
he also learns what to expect and how to
deal with me.
Please dont give up on her, she needs you
the most now. Try not to be too
judgemental, i'm sure she dosen't like
being bipolar. Learn what you can about
the disease, and if possible go to
counsiling with her or her psyche doctors.
Thanks for listining and good luck to you
both.
|
mommyinmay
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 5 Location: New York
What's Your Problem!?!?! Posted: 02-06-06 22:18pm
You know, some people are actually here
for help and information, not the usless
sarcasm that you felt you had to provide.
Maybe its funny to you, but to me its
just plain rude and insensitive.
It's people like you that hold
preconcieved notions about people like me
with bipolar and other mental disorders.
It's sad really. Not sad that I have
bipolar, but sad that you are so
closed-minded and judgemental of others.
I have so many things I want to say to
you, but to tell you the truth, you are
not worth my time or energy. It's sad
to see another adult making fun of people
with mental illnesses. Do you also make
fun of the kids with down syndrome? Do
you laugh at people in wheelchairs?
You disgust me, and we should be afraid of
intolerant people like you, who make fun
of things they don't understand. You
scare me with your generalizations of
bipolar people. You scare me with your
ignorance. You are just plain scary.
Maybe your spouse should divorce you.
|
Sarah_bobera
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 1 Location: Ontario
How to Help Your Wife With Bi-polar Posted: 03-13-06 15:06pm
Hi,
so, you have a wife that is bi-polar huh?
Well, I have this condition as well. I am
19 years old and did not realize I had
bi-polar until I was about 17. I have
gone through a numerous amount of
medications to see which ones would
work.
Usually it takes a while for the
medications to work. During the first
while of taking the medications, the human
body has to adjust to what is being put in
the body. So, your wife might be
experiencing some bad side effects at the
moment and perhaps that is why she is
struggeling to get out of bed. For
example: her stomache might be upset.
This more of a milder side effect. With
each set of pills there is a side effect.
It takes time to get used to it.
Have you ever considered therapy? Therapy
can be very useful when dealing with
mental illnesses. If you suggest to your
wife a therapist, perhaps she will be able
to identify better what is triggering her
unstable emotions. Has she had any
history of sexual abuse, physical abuse,
verbal etc? Some of these things can lead
a person to have unstable moods. Also,
does alcoholsim run in the family on
either side of her parents. These are all
questions to consider.
Buy healthy food and have it prepared
ahead of time. Sometimes people who are
depressed do not have an appitite or
energy to prepare anything, so by doing
this, she can just go to the fridge and
grab something that has nutrients. Also,
try to get her on some vitamins. Women
tend to be low in iron. By putting her on
something with iron, she might have more
energy. *remember being depressed
deprives a person of their energy, weather
they like it or not. B6 and b12 are
really good for depression. However, be
sure to consult the psychiatrist before
hand as some of these vitamins can react
with some of the meds she is taking.
Encourage her to come with you for short
walks. Like 15 mins or so. That is a
start. Fresh air is really important.
Buy her some lavander bubble bath.
Lavander is a herb that is very calming.
Be sure to have her bath a couble hrs
before bed since having a hot bath can
increase a persons blood pressure. Buy a
relaxation cd. She might like to listen
to this before bed to calm down her racing
thoughts. If you guys have any faith in
god maybe the two of you can pray
together, or you can pray for her. She
does not hate you. When she is mean and
does not want to be around you, it is the
disorder speaking. She is ill right now.
She just needs as much love and support as
she can get. Read up on bi-polar as much
as you can.
I really hope I helped you. Good luck.
Be hopeful.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 03-13-06 16:41pm
Hi there! You need to both go to the dr
and allow him/her to explain things and
you can talk to the dr also. You love
her and she loves you and like the poster
said, sometimes it takes time for meds to
work. Their are even non-bipolar women
that have their bad days. She did not
ask for this and you took her as she was,
it is not her fault, it sounds like she
does the best she can wwith one 19 month
child and being 7 months pregnant is
difficult enough. If you truly love her,
you will stay and sometimes, just go and
take a little walk. You are special and
it sounds like you have someome else
that is, just try to help her and hang in
there for her!
The best to you and yours!
|
worried89
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 May 2006 Posts: 7
Re: How Do I Deal With a Bipolar Wife? Posted: 05-16-06 14:26pm
bb1980
wrote:
my wife has a history of
mental illness, and is once again on
medicine for her bipolar disorder. This
is her third type of medicine she is
taking for this disorder. She was on one
medicine for a month, seemed to work ok,
then she went on another medicine and it
seemed to work even better, and now she is
on a third medicine and her and my life
are now terrible.
Is it common to just lay around and sleep
all day and not want to do anything?
I'm just really worried because I love my
wife, but i'm having terrible problems
dealing with how she acts. Now that she
is on this new med, she is constantly sad,
she is never nice to me, it seems like she
can't stand me.
Are these things that will just go away
when the meds start working? Basically,
I just want to know what I can do to help
her, because she isn't willing to talk to
me about how she feels or how to make her
feel better. All she says is leave me
alone.
Sad husband who wants to help
wife.....Please
respond.
first, i'm really sorry things are
difficult.
If I were you, I would firstly get her on
a different medication. Sounds like it's
having an adverse effect. Go back to the
one that had things great.
Sometimes when you're that sad, nothing
seems to help. I've been there so I know
how she feels, but I can also sympathize
with your situation. Some things you
could do to help her feel a bit better
that helped me some is maybe play some
songs she likes, if you have inside jokes
use them, write little notes, pick a
flower or two [preferabley her favorite!],
if she will let you just hold her hand and
tell her that you love her.
jim colyer
wrote:
get a
divorce.
you're an ass. Get a life.
|
neo1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2006 Posts: 4
Re: Your Wife Posted: 09-12-06 20:04pm
Looks like you need her to get back on the
second medication that she was
on..Sometimes its best not to fix
something that's not broken. All bipolar
people are not the same as far as
meds...What works for her will not work
for others....Get her doctor to put her
back on what she ws on before this third
med.
Good luck to you
i am walking in your shoes right now.
Dealing with my wife with bipolar.
|
zenvicky
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 2
Posted: 09-13-06 23:29pm
Hi,
set an appointment with psychatrist, give
here regular medication.
you sound like a "fixer" I was for many
years. Prior to my ex fiancee I was
engaged to a man that was addicted to
perscribed drugs, prior to him a man that
did cocaine.
I posted my story on a new thread
entitled: thinking about dating someone
that is bipolar, read here first.
There is only so much you can do and life
is too short to be sad and depressed.
Many bipolar people are unwilling to do
what it takes to get help.
It's always about "them". Sometimes when
you have done all you can, the only thing
left is to walk away
|
roksandic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Feb 2007 Posts: 2 Location: United States
How to Deal Posted: 02-14-07 00:21am
You've made the number one most important
step already; loving her!! It's
admirable, keep doing it that's what she
needs the most. I would look at getting
her back on the second medication that was
helping her the most. This is a team
effort even though it feels and may even
be the case, that you are doing everything
and holding your lives together. Here is
some great info I found as I have been
going through a similar situation. Http://www.Healthyplace.Com/commun
ities/bipolar/related/support_019.Asp
it has helped me a lot and now I feel like
I can go on. Knowledge really is power.
Oh and never, ever, ever listen to
negative feedback or comments made by
others. If you have people around you
that tend to be negative towards this,
they are delusional and should not be
listened to. It may even be a good thing
to just (if possible) not be around those
individuals.
Always be positive for yourself and your
spouse. She recognizes that you love her
and that you would probably do just about
anything for her. She may not be able to
express that but, she knows and she
appreciates it and loves you all the same
and more than likely more!
She can't help the way she feels she
wishes she could. This is never going to
fully go away but at times it will be
better than others. Remember the good
times and don't dwell on the tough. Be
sure to find happy things, just laugh it
seems to make the bad seem better. And
always remember the spouse you love and
the things you love about them even if
they seemed to have dissappeared they're
there, and be patient.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
