Hi! I am new here and looking for some advice. Let me give you some background and then maybe some advice from you all would be great.

I am 24, my husband is 32. We have been together now for 5.5 years and have a 2 year old. We have only been married 2.5 of that 5. During my years of growing up I lived in a mentally/physically abusive and sexually abusive home. I lived with my mom and stepdad where my mom was made to feel like she wasnt worth anything, my stepdad ruled everything that was said and or done. There were times where he would hit me for doing something worng and or he would make me kiss him and hold me down...( to me I call this being molested, forced to do things by someone in trust when not wanted) it started when I was like 7, only happned 4 times but enough to the point where I told my mom at 17. She then moved me out and still to this day lives with him. My whole family are acholics and physically abusive. I moved out of my familys home to another family I had thought I knew from 5 years old. They were mentally abusive in every way possible. When I was 19 a man came along, my now husband. He says he rescued me. I thought I love him, thought he was the greatest thing on earth and true love (how was I supposed to know love, love for me came from hell) but I stayed with him and devoted my every minute to him. I have done eberything in the sun for him. He is 32 and has had crohns disease since he was 18, we have been in and out of the hospital more times than I can imagine, more surgeries and then this summer he went thorugh 4 months in the hospital with 6 life altering surgeries. Now, I felt as my world was falling apart evrytime he was ill, I was there from sun up to sun down. I stayed there in the hsopital with him everytime. I jeporadized my job and everything that came with it for him. I guess now I feel like I needed to take care of something. Now, that is all I do, I am a caregive not a wife. He in alot of aspects have not been there for me, not uspportive in so many ways. Nothing given back, I am not a person who likes to take, I always give but I am tired of giving, that is all I have done my entire life. Is that selfish. He has been ill and out of a job this entire summer, left me to tend to the new house, dogs, child and work and visiting him in the hopsital every day morning and night. He was a firefighter and now due to his condition he can no longer be.
About a year ago, I felt as if I didnt have those in love feelings with him and not sure if I ever did. How do you know if you are in love or just love him?? What is the major difference?

I know that I am not in love with him but cant make him understand my feelings, he is a great man, who deserves to be loved the way he seems to love me. What do I do???

Do any of you see anything I wrote that tells you I was in this relationship for a better place, comfortable and to get out of my hell of a life anyways. I look back and everytime I had times where I was done and out, I turned to a man, why is that???

Please help :cry: