Bipolar Disorder Forum - Think My Boyfriend Is Bipolar

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Q: Think My Boyfriend Is Bipolar

asked by: lucky27 on November 17th, 2005

New User

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I also live with him. We have had a rocky relationship mostly due to his moodiness and careless behavior.

I really think that my boyfriend has bipolar disorder just by reading more and more about it. He gets upset about things really easily, and if something doesn't agree with him, he can't talk about it in a normal, calm voice - ever. He will yell, get mad, grit his teeth and/or tell me to leave him alone.

I've put up with him calling me names, and his different moods that change so quickly. He likes to drink on the weekends which isn’t a problem for most people, but when he does, a lot of the time he will do and say really mean things, and often says he doesn't remember what happened. I have to admit that it is taking a toll on my self esteem. I know there's nothing wrong with me, but some of the mean things he says just baffles me. He's always sorry about it later and often acts as if nothing ever happened.

Once I accidentally locked my keys in the car and I called him up to see if he could bring me the spare key. We only live 5 minutes from where I was at but he yelled at me right away, said he had better things to do and was very frustrated with me. It has never happened before but he got ridiculously mad at me. I was waiting inside when he came. What he did was pull up to my car, stick the key in the hole, and sped off down the street and went home. If I hadn't been looking out the window, I wouldn't have even known he brought me the key. I got home and he was just irrate. I thanked him for bringing me the key and asked if there was something else wrong (big mistake). He got even worse and told me to leave him alone and that he didn't want to talk to me. He started calling me names and tried to make me feel guilty about things. It was terrible. Then an hour later he's normal again.

He just has such a very short fuse and always does and says things he doesn't mean at the time, but then always apologizes for it later. It’s careless behavior. And he often says that he doesn’t care about anything. He has said himself, that he doesn't know why he says the things he says sometimes, but he is always sorry about it. I'm frustrated myself because he thinks that the reason we don't get along is because of me. He says I should just drop things, and not ask so many questions (when i'm trying to figure out why he's in such a bad mood). He says that bugs him the most. So I just try to leave him be, but all I want to do is help. He just gets annoyed with me.

He isn't a very good communicator and he will blow up about the littlest things. I know that if I told him I thought he was bipolar, that it would just make him mad and he would probably deny it.

How can I find out for sure if he is bipolar? I have read so many things about bipolar disorder. It’s like i’m reading about him every time I read another person’s story about living with someone that has bipolar. I just need to know what I can do to help. It’s hard to deal with the way he blows up on me about things. I just wish he could control how mad he gets about things. I have also read that people with bipolar disorder move around from job to job a lot. I have also read that most people with bipolar disorder don’t even know that they have it. And I also know that bipolar disorder causes relationship problems.

Replies(15)

YourBuddyDanielle

replied on November 17th, 2005

New User

Well, you have to remember that he might not be bipolar, and that it could be something else, such as anger management problems, or something may be wrong in his life that he is not telling you about. It could be a variety of things. Personally, I think you should see a professional about his problem.

lucky27

replied on November 17th, 2005

New User

I have definitely thought that it was just and anger problem that he has. But the more stories I read about others who are dealing with a bipolar person, the more I start to think that my boyfriend has it too. He told me that when he was younger that he had add, but I have heard that alot of people with add also have bipolar disorder. I guess i'm just frustrated with the way he acts sometimes and I just wish I could help.

YourBuddyDanielle

replied on November 17th, 2005

New User

You should try talking to him about it, asking if he has any problems going on in his life. But if he won't talk to you, and he just blows you off like you said he did, I think you might want to try talking to his family or friends to see if anything is wrong.

BPjoe23

replied on November 17th, 2005

Experienced User

It could be a lot of things, but it does sound like he could be bipolar.
But i'm not a doctor, but just from my opinion and being bipolar it sound like he could be. Just know that normal up and down mood is not bipolar disorder.

jenweric

replied on February 19th, 2006

New User

Moody

Hi,
your story sort of sounds like my husband. I think it's called intermittent explosive disorder. It's definately in the mood disorder family, but probably not bi-polar. It's very hard to cope with that, isn't it?? Just remember, it's not you and you need to be strong. When he gets nasty with you, don't stand down. The biggest thing that I can't stand is when my husband raises his voice at me and is nasty, and it's okay. But god forbid if I raise my voice at him!!! I just committed at major crime!! And he denies ever being nasty to me!! Ha. Does he do that?? Good luck.
Also, mood disorders run in the family, so check out his family.

hekela

replied on February 28th, 2006

New User

Being a bipolar female I can say that you should email him info about it from an email he does not know! I say that because I have been through it and was pissed when someone told me I might be... Being that they were right made it worse!It never hurts as bad when its coming from a person you don't know.

mks

replied on March 6th, 2006

New User

Boyfriend

I know it sounds a lot like bipolar and it may be a mental thing like that but I am just curious of his/your age and that you mentioned he likes to drink on the weekends and did you say that you live together?

As everyone has done, I will tell you that I am not a doctor.

I actually hate to even say this because I think that you are smart and have thought about this a long time, please do not be offended, but when I read what you wrote I truly couldn't shake the idea that it is an alcohol related thing. I do not know how much research you have done on his symptoms alone without trying to make him fit into a category so that you have a name/label for it. Yes that is a place to start and you may be 100% right, but alcohol does do most if not all of the things you described. The moving from job to job, mood swings, carelessness, abuse by words to you (yes it is abuse and you may want help yourself before fixing him), but anyway, I have a brother that is a recovering alcoholic and your boyfriend has all of my brothers past personality problems. I couldn't tell if you live him or not and would know exactly how much he drinks or if there is a possibility that he could be smoking weed or doing some other drug also? Needing the alcohol or drugs and not getting them (withdrawals) would make him "mean" and then better later after he got them or the withdrawals wore off. -just trying to help!

quicksilver024

replied on March 8th, 2006

New User

She said he only drinks on weekends, that doesnt really sound like an alcohol problem, imo it seems the alcohol is making his symptoms worse. Secondly keep weed out of this, there is no weed withdrawal and not to mention the only way weed would make him like this is if he was a chronic smoker that completely quit and they would be temporary symptoms, assuming that it even happened.

My advice, being he is verbally and emotionally abusing you, I would make him get help or leave him. Even if he has a disorder at this point it seems you are more affected by his disorder than himself.

Does he abuse anyone else?

Do his friends or yours see his rage episodes?

Does he throw things, punch walls?

This would be a sign of bipolar. In bi-polar you will see up and downs, from your descriptions, I see only highs (mania), does he often get depressed too?

Does he sleep normally, even in these "manic" episodes?

As someone who was diagnosed bi-polar and have recently had a pretty bad manic episode, I know, he needs to know or things may only get worse. Remember bipolar is a cycle, watch for it. I think there's a good chance he isnt bipolar, which is why I made the suggestion to possibly leave him, I worry youre taking to much of the burden here, and from my point of view, I do not know if he might be a physical abuser, if that ever happens just go, it's not worth it. It's your life too, if he will help and stick to it, okay, but if he just says i'll change, or what not, get out.

Edit: wow this is an old post, I think I just wasted a good 10 minutes of my life.

mks

replied on March 9th, 2006

New User

To: Quicksilver024

I agree that she should leave him since he is abusing her verbally and possibly physically. At least until he recovers or changes. However, to correct something you told me... I had asked her if he used weed or other drugs with the alcohol and when I was talking about withdrawals I was speaking of the alcohol or other drugs not weed. I only mentioned weed because it would definitely give the boyfriend the careless attitude all the time that she said he has.

Also, she said that he likes to drink on the weekends not that he only drinks on the weekends. And as far as boyfriends go, we only heard her story, we all know that the possibility of him hanging out with friends during the week and drinking, smoking, and dropping exists.

But no matter what the guys problem is, I was just trying to help her like everyone else on here and if you think posting to something is a waste of time just because it didn't post this week, then what are you on here for? It seemed like you just wanted to argue or vent....

quicksilver024

replied on March 9th, 2006

New User

It's cool, i'm sorry I came off harsh, I tend to make replies when I get up in the morning, can be a little cranky. Alcohol could definitely be the problem, unfortunately this post is old and I dont think we'll hear back from her.

michelle39

replied on February 23rd, 2008

New User

boyfriend with bypolar

I was reading the messages on by polar my boyfriend just found out he has it.he is the same way that lucky explained her boyfriend was.I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years..i go to counseling,my boyfriend does the same things calls me names says hurtfull things,but he dont ever say sorry.Its always my fault even if its not.i love him so much and i have tried to leave him and forget about him but i cant ..I dont understand why its so hard.i hate beening treated this way...does anyone have advice..i could go on and on with so much more but my story is pretty much the same as everyone eles..
thanks

icecream

replied on February 26th, 2008

New User

Bipolar/heavy drinking boyfriend

HELP! I have never experienced nothing like this before. The last 18 months have been an emotional roller coaster. He's unreliable, undependable, and you can't believe him to do anything he says. His mother feels he is confused. Very moody! He'll see me one day and it's like he doesn't know me. Another day he's all up in my face. He rarely talks or returns phone calls. If you do get him on the phone, he's snappy. Drinks alot! The alcohol makes him talk. Two to three weeks can go by before I hear from him. Always cancels dates. I haven't heard from him since 2/13/08. I sent him roses and chocs for Valentines. I didn't get a thank you or no response whatsoever. He seems to be Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde. He suppresses everything. Holds everything in. He says he has always been like this. He says he loves me and plans to marry me. He always wanted someone like me. Maybe he's bipolar. HELP!

heartless

replied on March 22nd, 2008

New User

bipolar boyfriend

This is to ice cream get out now before you get yourself to involved with your boyfriend, you will be so much better in the long run. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and lived together for 2 of those years. He did the same thing to me in the beginning, I would go weeks and not hear from him. Then things would get better to only get worse again. After we moved in together he would hide in the bedroom with the door locked and yell at me if I needed in for something. He would say I was spying on him. I have two small kids and he would also ignore them if they asked a question. Other times he would color, go outside and play football or basketball with them - it's very confusing for them. He gets mad at every little thing like if I do not answer his phone calls or say the right thing when he asks me a questions. He is very messy and very lazy, I can't even get him to take his dishes to the kitchen or take the trash out both are women's work so he said. My point is that he does not believe he has a problem and will not take any medicine. I'm at the point where I have to leave and I don't want to but I can no longer take the fighting, moodiness, and the verbal abuse. He told me just last night that I'm a horrible mother, stupid, he does love me, his life would be so much better without me - and he can't wait to show me that he'll find someone better. (He is 36 years old and has been married once before.) Why did he get so mad last night? Because he wanted to walk out on a bill where we had dinner and I didn't agree. We were two hours from home and yet another trip home with 2 hours of him telling me what a worthless person I am. But then gets up this morning and excepts me to go a family cookout with him like nothing ever happened. And then got mad again because I didn't. A person can only handel so much and give so much love before the bipolar disease of someone else make you sick. It has been way harder that I ever thought it would be and he was honest in the beginning in telling me that he was once diagnosed with bipolar. But he thinks he doesn't need meds anymore - in his mind I'm the blame for all his problems. So wish me luck I'm moving out and leaving him. He actually told me to leave which we rented the house together and everything in it is mine. But this time I'm doing it - as a mother to two children I can't live with him anymore and I don't expect them too. Although he for the most part is really good to the kids and they have a good relationship - all in all it's unhealthy. I feel if he is making me go insane and sometimes I feel he is just mean and he has no mental illness at all.

5434lane

replied on August 2nd, 2009

New User

Bipolar Boyfriend

My mother lived with a man ( i call him my stepdad) since i was 5, he is bi-polar. It was hell growing up with him, he was either the best or the worst. I love him to this day but i have watched my mom suffer with him for 32 years now. I hated my mom for a long time because of it but now i just feel sad for her. She reads books as if its an escape and honestly i think its toll on her and now that they are way up in the years she has told me she wished she hadn't. She will never leave him but its almost as if she is just a shell about 30 years of him. My childhood memories of him are screaming, cussing and him totally losing it over the littlest things. Total chaos and the worst was you just never knew how things would be that day until you checked his mood. I tiptoed around him my whole life. I am happy you are leaving him, don't do it to yourself and don't do it to your kids. They soak it all in. I know I did. I know plenty of people who have it and have their medication and their disorder under control but what you have just described is abusive. Don't stay and be a shell of a person and if not for yourself, do it for your kids. Because, guess what ..every serious relationship i get in the guy is bi-polar or I am single. I am single now but like a moth to a flame, the ones who are like my stepdad find me. They sweep me off my feet because they are wonderful when they are good and BAD when they are bad. I guess I only feel right in a relationship if there is chaos which is why i am now alone and hope to stay that way because i will not put my child through that. I hope you left and are doing well. Find yourself again and don't ever let someone else's problems become your own. I understand the whole, well I have to stay with him and help him work on this issue...STOP right there, be a friend to yourself and give yourself the advice you would give a friend who was in this situation. Its not your job to fix him, he is the only one who can fix himself and until he does that, he shouldn't be in a relationship and you will be the one that will get the fallout.

angeleyes232001

replied on October 22nd, 2009

New User

I came here because I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but I feel like I'm on a never ending rollar coaster ride. I've told him before in arguements that he is bipolar, but I didn't realize I might be exactly right until reading some of these stories. It's like you guys are explaining my relationship almost to a T!! I myself suffer from some depression issues though, and being that I'm not the easiest person to deal with, I kinda felt as if alot of it was my fault. That I was overreacting. I understand the enormity of trying to be there for someone who doesn't want to or won't admit they need help, but if you love someone, should you not at least try to help?

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