Dear hurtingso,

i'm so sorry you are going through such a terrible time. You can take control, but you need to get help from a doctor. Only a professional can help you figure out to save yourself and that is what you need to do ... Save yourself.

When my parents found out the first time... It made it worse. I got better but on there terms. I have tried to seek counseling but obviously it doesn't help. I just get defensive or cry. I need a friend, but im too embarressed to tell one.

My dad thought I was digusting. I put my mom into her own depression. They don't have the money for therapy. All they did was tell me they couldn't afford it. I just needed to stop it. They kept saying you are killing yourself.

I am 21 a senior year in college... And I need to finish school. I need to start a life.

You're parents obviously don't understand what you are dealing with. Your father is probably scared and ill in formed. You are not disgusting...Period. You have a sickness that can be treated, but it doesn't work over night; sometimes it takes years. Don't allow yourself to take the blame for your mothers depression, you have enough to deal with. Your lack of support must be terrible, you need all the support you can get. Don't be ashamed. More than likely your college has someone who can help you find the resources to get better. It won't be easy, but there is help out there that doesn't cost anything...Go to your school counsler and tell him/het what is going on they know how to help you deal.

Yes, if you dont have the money to go to a dr you need to seek other resources. Try reading a book on ed or nutrition and it may help you to understand things better. Ive been in the same spot you r in right now and trust me it does get better but you can only rely on yourself. People will be resistant helping you, especially your parents because they do not understand the disease. My parents did not want anything to do with it and would just get angry but I understood that they didnt really understand. I think they may feel scared and so they deny it and dont want to come to terms with the fact that their daughter has a possibly life-threating disease. Others will say they will help you, but really, how much can they do. Just try to love yourself, think of how you want your future to be, and work on taking care of yourself because in the end that is who is most important. Please feel free to pour your heart out to us because we will be here for you, anonymous, with out judgement, and with much support. Also, if you continue to purge, your body will continue to hurt. You will come to a point where your body will not let you purge. Believe me, I did it for 8 years and if I have an episode these days...It hurts real bad and it is definitely not worth it. And if you do continue to feel real bad, please seek medical help. I know you r 21 and trying to graduate and you think you dont have the money but your health is more important. Go online, do some research, and find a Dr. Who can help you...Probably a gastro who can look at your tummy and esophagus. I avoided drs for so long because of the $ and now that I let it go so far I owe $1000s of dollars to drs. But hey, its my health and I want to live a long life and if it means having medical bills pile up then tough, I will have to deal with that. I can say even though I do owe all that $...I am feeling much better with drs help. Take care...